Childless parents need care, too, says Sister Julie B. Beck
It is nice to see a leader in the LDS church *finally* acknowledge that *infant*
adoption as practiced by LDSFS and the LDS adoption community is NOT about
finding homes for parentless children but finding womb-fresh infants for
CHILDLESS parents. (Foster adoption is the complete opposite - those
are children who truly need a family and I commend those with enough courage and
love to build their family in that manner).
Far too many times I have seen it being the grandparents not being supportive of
adopting out their future grandbabies and that is a huge problem because they
end up raising the child while the girl finishes high school, and still the
child has no father. The parents of the unwed mothers are far too pushy and non
supportive of adoption. It is so sad and frustrating to see wonderful couples
unable to have children and then unable to adopt because the grandparents don't
encourage it.Children need a mother and father and both of those
characteristics are crucial and optimal.
Yes, the bible recognizes and is compassionate of women who long to mothers...
That, however, does not mean that it condones encouraging adoption!What the bible teaches us about adoption is in the story of Moses who 1) was
only let go at the risk of his death; and 2) grew to return to his people.This story and other bible versus are clearly opposed to turning
adoption from being about finding homes for children who are orphans or who have
no kin to safely care for them - are at risk - to finding babies to fill a
demand. The later is a abomination, not at all in keeping with the love that
Jesus preached which would be to help families in crisis, not exploit their
poverty or other problems to fill a demand.A decline in babies being
placed for adoption is to be celebrated as the sign of a healthy society, not
bemoaned because there are less babies to fill a demand.Mirah Riben,
author, THE STORK MARKET: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption
Thanks ksampow for your comments. Our daughter who is soon to adopt their 2nd
child really made our family aware of the faux pas in the poor phrases we used
in referring to adoption, just the like the one you shared. You don't 'give
your baby up for adoption', you 'place your baby with an adoptive family'. May
sound like hair splitting to some, but it really makes a difference. I also agree with Southernmiss that we also feel an intensity or
protectiveness for our adopted grandchildren. It may be hard for outsiders to
understand, but we also feel as though these children were meant to find their
way into our family.Having adoptions more open and allowing the
birth parents to really get to know the adoptive families today is so much
better than simply whisking away a newborn, leaving the birth mother to spend
her whole life wondering where her baby ended up. It is mentally healthier for
the adopted children to learn more of the circumstances surrounding their
parents' need to place them with a loving adoptive family, and to learn at an
early age that they were adopted and that it is not something shameful.
Public perceptions of adoption need to change. I frequently hear remarks like
one I heard this week - "The baby looks so much like them you can't tell it
isn't really theirs." If someone adopts a baby it IS theirs. After going
through the expense, training, and emotional trials of adoption, parents don't
need to be told that the baby isn't "really" theirs.
I am a birth and adoptive mom. I love all my children with all my heart, but
there is an intensity or protectiveness for my adopted children. I know that
there were so many variables, decisions,or factors that went in to our receiving
these great kids! We thank our Heavenly Father every day for the decision their
birth parents made to place them for adoption! In the case of our youngest son,
the choice could have easily been abortion on her part! They were meant to be
our children. I don't say this to seem boastful, but I do believe they came to
this earth through a loving biological mother, and that she in turn gave them to
me to be their "life" mother. Adoption is the selfless choice! I have
healthy happy children who are productive members of society! And by the way,
my oldest sons dream is to adopt lots of special needs children! Another one of
my sons is currently in Vietnam volunteering at an orphange for 2 months! My
daughter is currently doing her high school senior project for the children's
shelter for abused kids-making 25 blankets for them! Awesome kids, who love
Our daughter and son-in-law adopted a beautiful baby girl 2 years ago and are
currently waiting for the arrival of a little newborn boy. The parent's of the
first biological father were against him allowing his former girlfriend to place
their baby for adoption, but after meeting and visiting with our daughter and
her husband, he realized it would be the best thing for their unborn child. The
birth mom stayed in touch closely for the first year and now has gone on to
college and preparing herself to one day raise more children when she is married
and more mature. Hers was a true gift of love.I applaud the
education of the public to rid ourselves of the archaic notion of birth mothers
who are 'bad' and are just looking to 'get rid of their baby'. They are looking
at the harsh reality of single parenting children, when often they are still
children themselves. They are protecting their baby from the possibility of
future abuse which can come from the frustrations of trying to raise a child
with inadequate funds or emotional support. This choice can only be made by
these brave birth mothers.
clutch Aren't you basically arguing that either the man has the right to
force the womanhe impregnated to choose one of three options (abort, stay
pregnant and give child to him to raise, give up for adoption) OR he only pays a
small "fee" (w/e the cost for 1/2 an abortion is)?LDS4My solution is simply balancing rights and responsibilities. If I hit another
car, I should be liable for the damage I caused. I shouldn't have to pay for
fancy rims or a better stereo system. I should only have to pay to have the
other car returned to its previous state. If the other driver was 50% at fault,
I should pay half and they pay half. This is the case with an unplanned
pregnancy. Both are at fault and each should pay half of the cost to return the
woman to her previous state. If abortion becomes illegal, he should
pay for half of her medical costs, maternity clothes and lost wages. The mother
could then give the baby up and therefore have no other expenses. Keeping it is
HER choice and people should be responsible for their own choices. not others'
lds4gaymarriage,Aren't you basically arguing that either the man has
the right to force the womanhe impregnated to choose one of three options
(abort, stay pregnant and give child to him to raise, give up for adoption) OR
he only pays a small "fee" (w/e the cost for 1/2 an abortion is)?
Then the rest of the cost of raising the child he helped create is either
entirely on the mother, or the TAXPAYER who had nothing to do with the creation
of said child? You are trying to create an equivalancy between the rights of
the mother and that of the father before a child is born, and there can not be.
BUT there is a solution! You mention that your idea would
"encourage girls to be more careful regarding sex and be more realistic
about life as a single mother" but if we continue to make paternal child
support mandatory , MEN can learn to be more careful about sex and to be more
realistic about what happens when you engage in casual sex!
My wife and I have adopted two children. If one looks at the special needs
population here in Utah, the costs go way down. Every one wants a perfect baby,
put not a special needs. We have never regreted our choice, and the special
needs children do need homes.
John Pack Lambert of Michigan (A)nyone bringing up "fathers
right" is 100% ignorant of abortion laws. Abortion laws give mothers in all
cases 100% rights to kill the child before birth, so for adoption laws to be at
all effective they need to give the mother 100% right to place the child for
adoption.LDS4Here is a solution. If a girl gets pregnant, the
father simply pays her half the cost of an abortion and he is free of all
parental rights and responsibilities. No child support, no visitation, etc...
The child is now 100% her responsibility. Why should a man/boy pay
child support when he had no say in whether the girl got an abortion. He takes
resonsibility by paying 1/2 of the cost of the abortion solution. Why should he
be punished for HER decision to address the situation differently? The couple
may choose to negotiate child support/visitation, but paying 1/2 of the cost of
an abortion is all he should be legally forced to do.This would
encourage girls to be more careful regarding sex and be more realistic about
life as a single mother.
I agree with John of Michigan...."The problem with adoptions is not a lack
of parents willing to adopt...". With the money hungry
"faciilitators" out there, how can we possibly afford to take care of
the child when we have spent all our money just to acquire the child. Children
go for $30, 000 - $35, 000 in the United States. There are many of us who are
fantastic people and would love to care and raise a child or two or more. But
especially in this economy, it just is not smart to go $100,000 into debt to
acquire 3-4 children.
Fatehers who do not marry the mother should have Zero right to raise the child.
Donating sperm does not make someone a father.Beyond that, anyone
bringing up "fathers right" is 100% ignorant of abortion laws.
Abortion laws give mothers in all cases 100% rights to kill the child before
birth, so for adoption laws to be at all effective they need to give the mother
100% right to place the child for adoption.I have known lots of
children raised by adopted families, and in every case I know of they have been
treated as full members of the family. This generally applies to children
adopted even significantly after birth but it clearly applies to children
adopted at birth.The problem with adoptions is not a lack of parents
willing to adopt, but of people who wee this as the hope and lifegiving option
that it is.
I love adoption! My adopted son would you tell you the same. His birthmother
agrees and so does his birthfather. Our entire family has been blessed by this
wonderful event in our lives and for the inclusion of two sets of birth families
that offer so much to our son and our entire family in what they can bring to
the table in this unique and loving relationship together. Thank you
birthmothers, birthfathers & children of adoption for blessing so many lives
with your love.
I'm confused here, what happened to the fathers right to raise his child? Not
one mention of the fathers, pure discrimination and neglect. If mothers do not
want to raise their children then the father should be notified and given the
right to parent.The only problem in Utah with this concept of
adopting out children, the CWFS losses money in child support from fathers.
That's why adopting out children is not so well promoted in Utah, child support
funds for child welfare services is not paid by the fathers. Children put up for
adoption are not attainable funding for this corrupt organization so they
discourage it by court order to garnish incomes of natural parents.