After 22 years of temple marriage, and 5 years on facebook, my most tempting,
most desireable "ex" friend-requested me. Wow, we could
reconnect, see what each other was up to across miles and years, see what each
other looked like, compare life stories and experiences......It was
no "accident" that I denied the friend request. She obviously got the
message, as she has not friend requested me again....thank goodness. Who needs
To the person who related their personal experience with the phenomenon
described by this article, thanks for sharing your experience. There is nothing
like hearing about something first-hand from somebody who has been there. For some reason, this comment was denied earlier. I cannot, for the life
of me, see why.
an affair is an "accident" that totals the marriage and causes
multiple fatalities and serious injury to innocent people.
re BobP | 1:10 p.m. July 19, 2011 Port Alice, B.C. ----What you suggest is an option if a person isn't a practicing Catholic. They
don't allow divorces, they ...MAY... allow an annulment, and that can take
years.You really can't say something is never excusable. No one
'rule' fits all situations.
Great article................Any time you put yourself in a
compromising situation, there can be a negative outcome. We live in a world of
fantasy. We are in love with romantic movies that are so far from reality and
real life. We fall into this idea that someone on the outside can
replace the one we have married. That the old flame from 20 years ago, if now
the perfect catch. Funny thing is she/he wasn't so perfect 20 years ago or we
would have married it.At the end of the day, you can either walk on
the edge or you can play it safe. It's entirely YOUR choice. Facebook is just
cjb:If the marriage is over, get a divorce, and get properly
remarried, first. No excuses, no exceptions.
If you don't like facebook.. Don't log on or cancel your account.
@Chris BryantIt's not weird at all in this day and age. He didn't
delete his account before passing, his family hasn't deleted it either, and I
have no reason to delete him from my end because his Facebook page is now a
tribute or rememberance page....not much different from tributes and
rememberance crosses or decorated spots along roads and highways....or a
rememberance in a newspaper!
The picture they tied to the story is very strange. A couple
standing by a creek with a laptop?
re BobP | 10:01 a.m. July 19, 2011 Port Alice, B.C. My former harsh
observation did not pass the censor. Put another way there is no excuse
whatsoever for an affair. Such is simply a moral failure. ---------You shouldn't be so quick to judge.Some spouses have cut
themselves off from their husbands or wives. They are no longer acting as a
husband or wife should.
@joggle,its not my business, but isn't it kind of weird to be
facebook friends with someone who has passed on?
I reconnected with my first real boyfriend from when I was 15 years old on
Facebook.....and his three sisters whom I also know! He was dying from cancer. I
met him, his sisters, and mutual classmates back in our out-of-state hometown
and had a wonderful reunion a year before he passed (NO affair)and as his sister
put it at the time....it was closure for him as well as a treasured visit. One
of his sisters became his caretaker in the end and passed on my concern about
his well-being. She facilitated an exchange of fond memories of those long ago
fun teenage days. She said our exchange brightened his last days and was
important to him more than she could ever describe. I am thankful that Facebook
brought us together one last time with my husband's blessing! He remains my
Facebook friend to this day. Facebook can be good but people can make it bad if
My former harsh observation did not pass the censor. Put another way there is
no excuse whatsoever for an affair. Such is simply a moral failure.
Seriously? Facebook? Like people never met in pre-internet days at grocery
stores, bars, office buldings...
With regards to the PR News Channel comment, this is the type of
"article" we see more and more of in the Deseret News. What used to be
considered an amateur blog post is now being past off as professional
journalism. There is no original reporting, or fact-checking going on here. A
"reporter" sits at a desk and searches the internet for some related
news and then cuts and pastes with out any fact-checking or original quotes from
their own sources.
Someone once said that we lock doors not only to keep out burlgars, but to keep
honest people honest by taking temptation out of the way. I agree with racer25
in that Facebook is facilitating and making easy that which was difficult
before. As with almost every new invention, Facebook is a
double-edged sword. It can be very useful and fun, or it can be extremely
From personal experience, Facebook facilitated an opportunity to meet where I
was unwilling to make the effort prior. It was too easy. THEN, came the
personal choices which were very clear along the way - compromising values I
would have never compromised before.We put two families at risk with a
total of 10 kids. In the end, 2 years later, I stayed with my family, she
divorced and remarried.The damage was horrible and is still felt.Cheating hurts everyone. I still use Facebook, but passwords are shared and
chat is turned off.Like a gun makes killing someone easier than other
means, it's the person who kills.Facebook makes meeting people easy - but
it's the person or people who cheat.
For all the discussion of men having "problems" with porn, it's a fact
that more women have affairs from visiting internet chat rooms & social
networking sites, than men do from viewing porn. This needs more
discussion than it gets.
I think by accidenal it means they didn join facebook, or add their old flame
with the intention to cheat, but the it did happen because of poor choices made
by two people. Whereas heading to a strip club or bar is a much more intentional
choice done on purpoe than joining facebook. Although in the end it is a choice
to cheat, facebook can be like the toad in hot water who doesn't notice the pot
starting to boil. Anyway, I didn't take issue with the headline or article,
except the last line bugged me, because I think that's where we al have real
responsibility. We are responsible for the loss of love in our marriage. We
choose to love and serve, or we choose to not. A loss of love doesn't just
happen. Love is a pactice, not a feeling.
Don't blame facebook. Blame cold or seldom available husbands or wives.
I totally agree with tom2!And to anyone out there that thinks the
grass is greener on the other side, your wrong. I have been divorced and there
is no perfect partner or marriage. You are just trading one set of
challenges/problems for a different set. If you are having problems in your
marriage, recommit yourselves and put your spouse's needs first, and then there
will be no reason for a divorce. If you have children, they are the ones who
truly suffer from a divorce, please remember that.I am not trying to
preach, I just wanted to pass on what I have learned.
I totally agree with the end of this article. For anyone familiar with Erin
Stewart's blog on this site, I'm sure John Charity Spring feels totally
validated by the first part of this article. But, as it points out in the end,
facebook is merely a medium of communication. In the end, it's the people having
the affair that decided to abandon their marital commitments. As with any
technological advancement, you know that the potential for good comes the
potential for bad as well.
I must take exception to the last quote. It is not the 'loss of love in your
marriage'. It is the loss of commitment to your spouse. In my humble opinion,
there are far too many people who give up when the excitement is gone, because
they don't understand the beauty of a commitment and the power in a covenant.
It is certainly a problem. Even if it doesn't lead to an affair, it does lead to
long term hurt in a relationship, and the spouse always doubting their wife or
To JohnJacobJingleHeimerSchmidt:"His name is my name, too.
Whenever we go out, the people always shout..."I couldn't resist!---"People who are going to cheat will find
ways"Amen to that! At least the end of the article does this
point some justice.
First of all they say in the article "accidental affairs", quotation
marks are a form of questioning or saying, right and not believing it. I was a
first generation chat group person, and back in 1995 people were having affairs,
I knew a guy who lost his wife to internet chat. I know someone who found her
old boyfriend and divorced her husband and married this guy. Facebook can be a
source of good, or something very destructive, I use it to post about indexing
and am not a friend collector.
This reminds me of something my dad told me before college:"Don't come home telling me the Doctor told you that you were in
love."Affairs are premeditated. You don't all of a sudden show
up to somebody's house and cheat on your spouse.
I have to wonder if people bemoaned the immoral influences of cars, telephones
or a host of other technologies that allow people to meet other people.
Personally I've heard of more affairs that started from interaction in church
callings than Facebook.
Note to report: The PR Newswire is not a news source; it is a press release
aggregation. Therefore I believe your statement "It starts with addressing
the motives behind joining social networks in the first place, PR News Channel
reported" is off. No reporting involved. It is a paid service where anyone
can publish their own press release.
Yeah let's find something else to blame poor choices on, instead of owing up to
it and taking full responsibility. Now its Facebook. Why try to make excuses
for people? All that does is delay change.
People who are going to cheat will find ways, Facebook is just another
outlet.Old fashioned Ways of looking:BarsChat roomsClassifiedsOnline dating servicesHot tubs with people from your
There is *zero* truth to the headline: accidental affair.Oh, woops,
honey, I slipped and fell, and accidentally had an affair before I hit the
floor.Or,"Who put the shoe on the stairs. I
tripped, broke my ankle, and had an accidental affair on the way to the
LOL, there are no such things as accidental affairs. A series of choices need
to be made to create the problem. This isn't like a car accident.