Comments about ‘Licensed therapist speaks on healthy relationships’

I was glad to read Dan Gray's comment that "This is healable". Over the last couple of years a lot has been discussed in our society about how real a problem pornography is, and it is real. However, the missing message sometimes is that there is recovery and it can last. Speaking as an addict in recovery and a graduate of LifeSTAR, I can say with certainty that pornography is a real problem, it is evil and there is a way out that can be permanent. It doesn't have to rule someone's life forever.

I am a single man and I have dated women who when I told them about my past have said, "I can't live with that burden". My response to that is "OK, that's fair" but what I want to say is, "You don't have to live with that burden. It has miraculously been taken away from me and you won't have to deal with it". My message, the new message is, even this sad and hurtful sin is covered by redemption. There is free, healthy life after pornography. Thank you Jill Manning and Dan Gray.

Good article. However, in speaking of Dan Gray's comments about his acronym, the word should be spelled "Bored," and not "Board." Don't know how that one escaped the copy editor!

Being a recovering addict, having been to 12 steps group meetings, and having been asked to serve as a facilitator and as a missionary, I appreciated the article. I have worked for many years with college students and continue to do so. I have seen both sides of this issue. I was well into my marriage before I ever saw any pornography. Despite this I was addicted long before my marriage to acting out with a sex addiction.

I believe that this discussion should go deeper than to say it is a male issue and that women need to ask tougher questions. That women need to be more cautious of the behavior the men may be hiding.

Dr. Manning is right when she said Women feel pressure to misrepresent and even lie about who they really are, because they are eager to form relationships and get married. Women do not need to lower their standards to meet a partner, and if they do they will not find the husband they are looking for,. She is absolutely correct!

Now that I am sober, I understand that I was involved willingly in pornography. Though I didnt seek out naked pictures of women, I was involved in it on a daily basis. I chose to participate, just like the women who dress as such also chose to become pornography. Pornography is anything that is meant to draw attention to the male or female body features in way that would create lustful desires. It is not just a mans responsibility to look away, but also a females responsibility to dress in ways that does not suggest or encourage the man to think about and see women as sex objects.

Men too feel pressure to misrepresent or lie because they are eager to form relationships and get married. Asking questions about pornography will not be near as effective as dressing appropriately and holding off horizontal dating. Truth be told, if a male is willing to be honest about sexual issues, it is likely he doesnt have a problem, is in recovery or close to it. The hardest obstacle to overcoming this addiction is facing the truth,admitting that you have a problem that you can't overcome alone.

Men lust after the physical response that sex provide and women lust after the emotional response they get from feeling loved and attractive. Men dont become entrapped without choosing to engage in this terrible behavior, but women too engage in the improper use of sex when they dress and act in ways that send a message that they want to be objects of desire. Both are wrong! If you look beyond the branches and limbs, and uncover the roots, you will find that our society is neck deep in lust and it isnt only nor primarily a mans problem.