Comments about ‘Porn creates devastating emotions in most women’

"Research shows the majority of people grappling with Internet porn are married heterosexual men with an average age of 38, according to Jill Manning, a researcher and author who has examined the impact of pornography on marital relationships."

Ah.. this research is funny because if a single man is into pornography who knows about it? I think the research only shows that heterosexual men are grappling with it because their spouse catches them in it.

Single men just remained unmarried...and their secret is kept

Oh and another thing that makes this research faulty... Is that homosexual don't "grapple" with pornography because to them it is a way of life.. They or their significant other don't look at pornography as being bad..

Please people do good research!

We need to teach women that this is NOT about them or their inadequacies.
To suggest that is is nearly as demeaning as the habit itself.
Pornography is no more about the spouse than robbery is about the item stolen.

This evil is all about the addict.....and the supplier.

The discussion should NOT be about how to filter the family computer.
It should be about how we drive the manufacturers and sellers out of business and off the internet.

Free speech? Balogna!
The Chinese have it right.
No porn on the internet.
Shut the home wreckers down.

We do need a porn police.
Porn may be hard to define. Like beauty it is ultimately in the eyes of the beholder.
But we should be holding all of it up to the eyes of a big set of juries.
Two or three complaints...a website is shut down. Getting back on should require review....by a randomly selected jury. And the fee to have that review should be very high indeed.....thousands of dollars per page.

That's true, Summerdonna. I think before I married I'd want to make sure pornography wasn't an issue with my fiancee.

My question is this. If my husband was into porn, and we were trying to save our marriage, during times of intimacy I'd worry he was thinking about other women from pornographic films rather than me.

If that's a problem wives deal with, how do they handle it?

I am devastated to find my 14 yr old autistic Grandson is addicted to porn. Someone had to show him how to get to these sites.
Part of his disability is the lack of self control overly impulsive. And he doesn't always understand why it is such a big deal and how it affects his eternity.
He see's an LDS male therapist...but it isn't changing things.
In our rural area there are NO SERVICES for kids under 18 and none with the church except for adults. Don't they understand by 18 it is to late and the addiction is ingrained by then.
There isn't even a home program to teach them. You go to a non LDS therapist and they think YOU are damaging the kid and he is fine,

Unfortunately we encounter ambiguity in this article as the term "porn problem" is mixed in with "view porn," which doesn't describe the same population. And really, lack of sex isn't an issue to married men (or others) in relation to viewing porn? Gimme a break! Again, are we talking about porn addicts or the basic man on the street who's been married for 10+ years and whose wife is completely absorbed in the children, her church calling, etc., and just expects him to pray his way through her lack of attention towards him and his physical needs, i.e. his God-given higher drive to procreate? I'll bet most of the casual porn viewing guys out there would prefer some good old fashioned loving from their spouse on a more regular basis but can't get it and refuse to beg for it. Last time I checked there wasn't a RS lesson that was directly focused on keeping one's hubby happy in the bedroom and yet there is shock and amazement about how many of those hubbies are looking at nude pics online. They MUST be ADDICTS! No, just average married guys.

Good catch, Summerdonna. You are exactly right. At the end of the quote you posted it even states that her purpose was to examine the impact of pornography on marital relationships. I don't think she even focused on single men.

That being said, as a woman who has been affected by pornography, all I can say is "Amen."

I'm not an expert, so I don't know if pornography is a way of life for individuals who are homosexual. I do know, though, that pornography is just as deviant as homosexuality is.

A heterosexual should be aware of that before he dabbles in such dangerous things. These reports have been informative. Sounds like pornography can rip families apart.

@c00kster

i agree with you that this article needs to make the difference between porn addicts and porn viewers more clear. It is much like an alcoholic vs someone who has a few drinks . . . . there is a big difference!!! I also agree that lack of intimacy with ones spouse is probably the leading cause of "porn viewing" among men about age 38. However, lack of intimacy is probably the source of just about every relationship problem in a marriage. (the last sentence is a direct quote from a stake president) However i do agree with the article that an addiction usually has nothing to do with the spouse because it usually has existed since the husband was a teenager. anyways, I'm sure I have offended someone, but hope what i have said makes some sense.

This has been an interesting series of articles, but not because it has been educational. As was stated in the first article, Utah is the largest consumer of online pornography. That's galling for a community that prides itself on its high moral values. For all of the time and money that has been thrown at the problem, nothing has changed, which would indicate that the approach is flawed. And yet, while trying to educate us to the evils of pornography, these reports throw out the same rhetoric as before.

While I empathize with both the female and male victims of this addictive cycle, I can't help but shake my head at this contradiction: "Pornography problems are no more about sex than an eating disorder is about food," yet it is "a form of adultery"? These articles paint the issue as black and white. The initial stand of the researchers quoted seems to be that because this is a moral issue, pornography is always evil. That is simply poor science and not helpful. This issue is far more complex than that and involves various shades of gray. I'd like to see articles addressing other approaches.

Carolear: That's right, why risk going to a "non-LDS" therapist who'd have to gall to tell you that a teenage boy who's curious about sex is a normal thing? Better to stay in your echo chamber...

Oh, and right on, c00kster. There are multiple guys I know who fit your description perfectly.

About the single man issue:I attend a 12-step porn program, and 80% of those in attendance are single men. The true devastation of porn isn't the affect it has on the wife, it is the change it effects in the man as far as his view of women are concerned. Porn objectifies women, and it isn't just the hard-core stuff, the junk on television and in movies supports this. Women are seen as nothing more than a play-toy; just have sex with that thing in any way you want because that's all she's there for. Have a little bit of attraction? Sex is the answer! Porn NEVER portrays women as thinking, feeling human beings who have different needs and POV's that the man needs to discover and relate to (and visa-versa). Society's view on sex is adding fuel to the fire: encouraging sexual excploration without encouraging interpersonal relationships first is turning our girls into eating-disorder driven, narcissitic empty shells, and it's turning our young men into eternal teens, unable to relate to women through only their small brain, because that's all a girl is good for.

My husband got addicted to pornography at 15. During the early years of our marriage, he had no access- it was not an issue. But with the internet, his habit came back with a vengeance. Finally, his porn habit escalated into an affair last year. Escalation is the fourth stage of a porn addiction. Porn is serious. If someone says, "It's no big deal," they have bought into a lie. Porn deadens emotions and estranges relationships. It is selfishness, and only inflicts pain, directly and indirectly. Get help- this addiction is only helped by bringing it out of the shadows and into the light of day.
We are working through his addiction and affair with professional counseling- and a lot of difficult emotions. It is slightly easier because I learned long ago that his addiction has absolutely NOTHING to do with me. His porn habit is about him- it helped him feel good short-term, while paradoxically making him feel worse about himself long-term. That's a simplistic explanation, but this is a limited venue.
I beg you; get help- for yourself or your spouse. You deserve a better relationship. Refuse fight it alone anymore.

@c00kster | 7:40 a.m.

There's no excuse for it. Avoid it like the plague.

Yesterday's article quoted studies which said even mild use has serious consequences, including shrinking of the frontal lobe and quick to forgive rapists. That's not just your average married guy.

My husband is a compulsive porn user who is currently involved in a twelve step program. I was always "sexually available" and neither the frequency nor quality of sex with their spouse is the issue with someone who is viewing porn obessively. I for one was not "completely absorbed in my children,church calling,etc." I was extrememly attentive to my husband sexually and otherwise and made it a priority to keep myself attractive to him. None of those things, however, has anything to do with his viewing of porn. While some men may view porn casually and ocassionally, someone with a sexual compulsion cannot do so - it becomes an obsession. The issue of porn "addiction" is not about average married guys who aren't getting it enough at home. This article is right on the money. For people who haven't walked through this hell, it is easy to misuderstand the reasons the spouse feels so betrayed, devastated, and angry. It is important to bring this issue out into the light so that people will be educated about the help that is available and the shame and secrecy will no longer hold us hostage.

As a wife of a porn addict I would like to add. Because my husband is addicted to porn does not mean that we have a problem with marital intimacy, communication, or love for each other. His addiction came around before I did. He has desperately tried to rid himself of it, and has repeatedly returned to it like a dog to his vomit. It is only in this last year that he has been able to loosen those shackles. We have been married for 20 years and attending twelve step for the past 5. As for the effect on me. I have suffered greatly. There is such a sense of not knowing how to help. In my sense of lack of control I turned to anorexia for a false sense of control. I was just holding in so much. Twelve step has helped me so much. I have come to such a peace in my life independent of my husband's actions. Our marriage is so much the better. I have self-confidence where I never had it before. I feel my Savior's love like I never have before.

These articles seem very one-sided. Little, if any discussion, is made about the men and their "problem". It seems very much either/or, as if you are a porn addict if you look at it and if not, then you are ok. Nowhere does it seem to address the underlying reasons why men turn to porn and, yes, I said turn to porn. Cookster makes some important valid points that will likely never be touched upon in any Deseret News articles regarding pornography. Sadly, this literally hurts a lot of men and only leads to digger a much deeper hole for many men who love their spouses, or want to love them better, but feel unloved, without intimacy, and no one will ever take their feelings seriously so they just give up--and maybe turn to porn, sports, or other outlets to try to distract themselves or fill the void that is in their life. None of these articles address how many women withhold intimacy as a control over their husbands. Will there ever be a real discussion of pornography amongst us Mormons that includes these things? I don't have a lot of hope.

Personally, I found that it didn't matter how available I was for sex or how often it took place, he'd still be back at the computer looking at porn in a few hours. And because he was up all night doing that, he ended up losing his job.

It is not the wife's fault if the husband can't stop looking at porn.

Porn affects the brain just like heroin. It's addicting.

I appreciate the dialogue on this topic. In response to Summerdonna, you raise some valid concerns. However, it doesn’t make Dr. Manning’s research “faulty,” the issues simply suggest there are limitations to the research and this is true of all research. That’s why in every scientific peer-reviewed journal article we publish there is a section called “Limitations” where we discuss what can be inferred from our research and what populations it does and does not generalize too. I also appreciate Dreamringer’s observations. My comments in the article about pornography and eating disorders were meant to suggest that for people who have excessive pornography problems, there are underlying issues that need attention. This is also the case with eating disorders. This being said, eating disorders do involve food and pornography problems do involve sex. Does this make sense. It’s not a contradiction as much as a reminder that we need to be clear about the symptoms of a problem and the issue that perpetuate the problem. Finally, c00kster raises another valid point about differentiating pornography consumption from excessive pornography use. This does need to be clarified. Great comments everyone.

The weakness of this series is it maintain a stereotype of "porn" being a male problem with females as a victim. Really, it very much a mutual problem. Soft porn is the a major financial staple of the shrinking booksellers industry. And, the prime buyers, targeted audience is woman. The Twilight series is a soft porn series. It is slightly less graphic than most such books, but is directed at the same audience-woman. Both sexes fantasize about the perfect sex partner or experience. Woman historically have just needed less visual stimulation than man, but it impacts the relationship just as much. The research is necessary, but its bias as being mostly a male problem makes it less helpful in providing quality suggestions for helping those with problems.