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Comments about ‘Wife of religious leader recounts her family's private battle’

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Published: Saturday, Sept. 18 2010 11:00 p.m. MDT

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Thinkman
Provo, UT

One more try...

That which we focus on becomes our reality. When we are told to NOT think about a blue elephant, our mind automatically forms a mental image of said elephant.

The more attention we give to a foul-mouthed person the more we hear foul-mouthed people. Likewise, the more we seek kind, loving and courteous people, the more kind, loving and courteous people come into our lives.

No wonder Utah has such a huge "so-called porn problem." The more focus on an issue, the bigger that issue becomes. Temples are discussed with great regularity, ergo, we have over a dozen LDS temples in this state. We also have more porn viewing per capita than most other states.

Many reasons have caused porn to be so popular and probably the biggest being the attention paid to it by LDS leaders, wives and even men. Porn isn't the issue. Lack of communication and true intimacy from wives to husbands and husbands to wives is. Fix these things in marriages and stop focusing on porn then men will stop viewing porn.

charlie91342
Sylmar, CA

well, his wife is very pretty. i still think if she had wandered out to the "backyard study" he spent all his time in, danced for him in a negligie, and offered to do whatever he wanted to do, then he would have been much more interested in her than in porn. and if she did it regularly he wouldn't want porn at all.

every person i know that looks at porn does it because their spouse wants "intimacy" at most once a week, and always the same way.

if a spouse says they can't compete with porn, that simply means they haven't tried to...

oceangirl
orem, UT

I related to the article very much. Mrs. Anderson has been through the pain, I have, and so many others. About a year ago I divorced my husband because addiction to pornography crept into my marriage and destroyed it. I know it didn’t have to be destroyed. There are many addicts that choose to seek help. There is help out there. Previous to my divorce, I separated myself from my ex-husband. I thought he did not love me but couldn't tell me. The only explanation I could come up with. I later learned addicts can still love their spouses. I sought professional help during my separation. I asked my ex-spouse to do the same. I learned addicts can turn the tables and make their spouse feel crazy just as Mrs. Anderson described…so I wasn’t crazy. I learned that it’s okay to separate yourself until you feel strong enough to be with them again. My dearly loved ex-husband didn’t seek recovery for himself to bring us together again. It is painful. I hope that he can one day know true recovery as so many others have found.

purplegal81
Boise, ID

Unless you have walked in their shoes then please be aware you don't understand the battle at hand. I can say that because I am living this battle as I write this. It is a battlefield just like a real battlefield that our servicemen and women fight on except the stakes here are marriage, family, & children. My husband is a good guy with a horrible addiction and I am a good woman trying to raise a Christ-like family and Satan is waging his battle personally in our home. I appreciate the story and getting the subject matter out in the open - because education is some of the best medicine.

Sneaky Jimmy
Bay Area, CA

Let's be honest, guys like to look at sexy women. I have noticed many a man in prominent position looking at a woman a little too closely - to the point that it makes me feel uncomfortable. This could be a form of infidelity too if you want to draw a fine point.

markusjbear
Foothill Ranch, CA

Great artical.

Anon 808
Waianae, HI

Fact of Life. If you are doing something that is in direct Violation of your Faith and you are doing it anyway under the "fear of getting caught" and you then get caught even if the something you did is perfectly legal you claim to have over come it and the hardships of it and you saved you marriage and still have your job in Religion paying or not, and your broadcasting this information all over, you may be lying and you for sure have issues.

People that do things they should not do, legal or not, should not talk about what they did and that what they did legal or not, was so horrible.

It is Not Porn that ruins people the desire is there regardless of "the cost" what ruins things is "getting caught" or "found out" and other peoples reaction to it, such as the potential loss of job, property, marriage, because of the desire to view or do something legal or not that others object to, in the life style that you live. That being Caught or Found out will prevent you from living in the social setting you live in. LDS Nudist comes to mind.

Anon 808
Waianae, HI

Porn and other peoples viewing of it will ruin your life and split your family only if you let it. Only if your reaction to it so extreme as to flee and destroy your household and marriage.

I am of course talking about Legal Adult Porn and Not Kiddie Porn, which is a cause of action because of the laws against it.

I think that Love and not condemnation comes more into play here, If he/or she is looking at Porn and to what degree and the other person is freaking out to what degree, I would contend that both have issues. I think both the Issues of Extreme Reaction and the issue of Viewing need to both be addressed.

You are entitled to a "Christ Like Home" but you may with out love, understanding and caring find yourself living alone in it. If a person is going to shed tears it should not be over what ones views and reads. Chronicles and Kings.

Religious Man has declared Porn legal or not to be Sin. Christlike people forgive sin. Christlike People if their doing something that hurts someones emotions, "which can be a form of Abuse" Stop the behavior.

im4kids
AUSTIN, TX

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope this helps brings peace to your family as well as others who are touched by your words of hope and faith.
I too have been in this situation and hope to someday be able to share my success story. It saddens me to see the men (or women) who do not admit their addiction and choose divorce instead of over-coming their addiction. The addiction usually starts by introduction in their youth, I'm so glad parents are more aware now and combatting this with the teenagers (and younger) instead of letting it creep into the next generation.
Charlie91342 - I did everything my husband asked. I followed him everywhere. Sex whenever and however he wanted. I'm attractive, he chose me - and yet the addiction still can take over.
Our story is successful! (We just aren't sharing it as openly as the Anderson's - maybe someday we will be able to, I know it does help to share our struggles)
I love my husband and I'm so grateful he is such a great man! Like Mrs. Anderson - I wouldn't change a thing!

HotGlobe
SAN RAFAEL, CA

Porn is a much bigger problem among religions that tightly control people's personal lives. Of course this comment will never see the light of day; that's part of how the control works.

EnglishAlan
Rugeley, Staffs

What a courageous couple. I wish the both of them all of the very best in their future lives together. This LDS member has nothing but admiration for the way they are trying to rebuild their marriage. God bless them both. Not people of my faith, but obviously people of MUCH faith.

The only way that a man can be fully healed of this addiction is to fully use the Atonement of the Saviour. Sincere repentance, and true desire to follow the Saviour's admonition of "If ye love me, keep my commandments," is the key to becoming cleansed. It exists in admitting that HE is the one with the problem, and not his wife. (Please note, charlie91342. HE, NOT HIS WIFE HAD THE PROBLEM.) He is fortunate and blessed to have such a wonderful lady by his side still. From what is said, she is also seeing the re-emergence of a fine man, who had been lulled into forbidden paths, but is now back on track.

Capsaicin
Salt Lake City, UT

Thanks Carrie A. Moore

momma7
Shreveport, LA

"Unless you have walked in their shoes then please be aware you don't understand the battle at hand. I can say that because I am living this battle as I write this..."

And I agree. My husband recently told me he wants a separation, after 23 years of marriage, a son who is an RM and recently married in the Temple. We still have 6 more children, our youngest hasn't even started school yet. I did everything I knew what to do. Yet he told me I spent to much time with the children, and not him. I could go on some more, but not. I hope spending some time away from him this summer he can realize that porn is the root of all evil. He doesn't agree with me though. I have always been there for him and supported him and stood by him. I'm not fat, and I'm not a prude but I guess he is more interested in something else. He says he will never repent of his sins, and he likes who he is. I guess an eternal family means nothing. :(

LValfre
CHICAGO, IL

This whole porn equaling pure evil is getting old.

I've watched porn before. I'm fine. I'm not addicted. I have a great career, LDS girlfriend, and bright future. I'm well known as a positive person full of love and generosity.

Please stop saying porn is evil. It's insulting to me. It's like saying I've partook in pure evil when I've always went out of my way to make sure people don't get hurt.

catcrazed
Eagle Mountain, UT

What a brave couple. This is not an easy thing to share with others. Thank you for helping others understand this terrible addiction. And "amen" to all of the comments reflected here.

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