although not a parent, i cannot help but agree with the findings of this study.
this is a very interesting column.
Sorry, as someone who has worked with children and families for over 3o years,
teaching trumps tolerance. How about, "son you did a nice job getting ready,
let's go upstairs and I'll help you put together a realy nice ensemble." We
live in an ultra tolerant society that places acceptance of anything ahead of
teaching and leading. I really can't believe BYU was part of this study!
As someone who experienced a very unflexible fatherly parenting style, totally
agree. Wish society taught men better how to be this way.Oh--and
Utah Roper---it didn't say the parents couldn't teach them....but in all
honesty, why freak out about "spilled" milk. Allowing a 3 year old to be
unmatched does not mean you're going to create an over-tolerant child. Instead
you'll create a child with problem solving and functional living skills, because
they won't become overly-dependent upon a parent to "teach" them (or force them)
to do everything!
UtahRoper, you did a nice job of commenting on this article, let's get together
and I'll help you write some really nice comments.
At least the child is dressed! I cannot tell you how often I see Dads out of the
equation when the families are walking down a store aisle, looking for goods for
themselves and ignoring bad behavior. Mom is burdened by pushing the cart,
making sure the baby has its bottle, and that Jr. hasn't toppled the juice
bottles. HELLO???? McFLY????? Are you in there?????
There are times when a little information can be dangerous. I generally
don’t comment on newspaper articles, but I feel this is a time when the
information provided is insufficient and can lead to misfortune. As a child
psychiatrist, I recognize that studies can be dangerous in that in order to
assess the topic desired, other information is neglected. In this case, the long
term outcome of the child. Excessively controlling parental relationships are
harmful for children by inhibiting the child’s ability to make routine
choices that lead to not only learning but also self-confidence. Excessively
tolerant parenting styles may preserve the parental relationship but leave the
child ill equipped to deal with the real world and at increased risk of
experiencing mishaps that could have been avoided if generational knowledge was
present. A balanced approach is best, with children being allowed to rule
themselves in items where the consequences are minimal but with adults
intervening to ensure safety and competency outside the home.
I agree. Letting the child have autonomy in something safe and inconsequential
like dressing himself, and then complimenting him and building his confidence
will pay off later. If the parent and child have developed a good relationship
in small ways like this, then the child will be more likely to trust the
parent's opinion in more important things and the parent will be able to have a
lot of influence in guiding them, or be able to draw the line when it has to be
drawn without a huge pushback.