Comments about ‘Addressing interracial adoption issues important’

You cannot be an expert at this until you have either done it or are it.

Need Trumps Race.

Some Adopted Kids want to be like their "true parents", others resent the structure in the Adoptive Family.

This is a reason to Adopt as young as possible.

However Most will Thrive and become good citizens.

Need Trumps Race. Need Trumps Culture. Need Trumps Religion, Need Trumps Everything.

If Not enough People of Color are willing to step forward to meet the need then White Families must step in. Usually these people are connected to one faith group or another.

LDS Family Services places kids with Active, TR Holding, LDS People.

Catholic Family Services is a little more of a Clearing House, you do not have to be of the Faith Group to Adopt. In Hawaii they are my Foster Care Agents.

The State is, The State we work for them in spite of, not because of anything they do.


Families of Color do Adopt but believe it or Not face most of the same problems as White Families.

Most Kids Bond with their Adoptive Parents.

Bottom Line the Kid is Warm, Safe, Dry, Educated and Raised.

Adoptive Parents Do That.

This article was well written and a good expose about the inherent and genetic differences of a race. And it proves that racism is not learned or taught or intended to be what it is portrayed.

Racial differences in children and a mixed family has and always will be uppermost in a childs mind. Why are they different in a mixed family? Children in a family of the same race develop and grow with a more stable life becasue they feel different and out of place with a mixed family. Not that they are being treated different, its they feel out of place and every family must make a conscience effort to try and change these feelings they have. The same thing would happen to a white child if they were adoped in to a family of other races.

This story that states parents and families of different races have to get educated on race differences indicates we are born with these self aware differences which only adds to a childs emotional adjustments. Because of all these inherent race and cultural differences, I think adoptions should be within a race, then educate all races of cultural differences and acceptance.

this is a fantastic and timely article.
the advice is crucial for anyone who wants
to adopt inter-racially/interculturally as
well as for any white person wanting to
understand racial issues and cross
cultural communications.

I have read some comments from another article in which the readers made some absurd comments about interracial adoptions. This is the 21st century, and yes, need outweighs race--to overstate the obvious.

I have some good friends who wanted to have a large family. After the woman had to quit bearing children after children numbers three and four (twins), they embarked on the adoption ship, with all of its stormy seas. What a saga it has been. But in the end, they have a large family: four biological children; three children from Haiti (one of whom is albina); three children from China; and two children from Ethiopia. Yes, they have their hands full, but they are committed and are getting along.

They love all of their children as if they had been their biological children to begin with.

My friends have my utmost admiration and respect. People who may choose to be critical are either foolish or uninformed.

"She's ... confidant ..."

confidante

This is a very timely article. I've been concerned about how these Haitian children would be received here in Utah and how they would adapt to being different from other family members and friends. The advice seems sound and I hope adoptive parents follow it and other advice from good sources.

One of the things Pres. Obama addressed when he was running as a candidate for President is his adjustment to being white or black. I was impressed with how to answer someone who either intentionally or unintentionally discusses this in front of the adopted child.

I'm married to someone who was adopted at a young age. I've watched for nearly 50 years how he struggles with some of the issues from his past and the "what if's" of life had he been raised by his biological parents. Some people struggle with being adopted and then the issue of race is added. I wish these children and their families well.

Great points to ponder - I was struck by the similarities of deaf children born into hearing families. All deaf children NEED Deaf adults & role models to teach and show them how to...(among other things) make peace with themselves and the hearing world. I have seen far too many angry Deaf adults who are not close to their families who were subtly or unconsciously "not allowed" to be Deaf as children. I also see many Deaf people who *are* close to their families. Communication is key. Just raising them is not enough. Yes, it is better than no home, insufficient food, abuse, neglect, etc but you ALSO neglect a child's emotional needs when you neglect their blackness or deafness or whatever it is. Finding mentors of your child's kind does not make you any less of a parent - rather I think it makes you a BETTER parent for embracing, accepting, and allowing them to be who they are.

Individuals who adopt children from other countries across racial lines must be aware of all of the possible implications of the adoption. Personally, I do not agree with the practice of adopting children across racial lines; however, for those who do, the must do some homework before blindly jumping on the racial adoption bandwagon.

"Who will teach them how to be black adults?" asks the article's interviewee.

I ask "Who will teach them to be adults?", and I answer "Their adoptive parents".

My Chinese adpotive daughter need not grow up with a racial chip on her shoulder. In the family, she is treated exactly the same as her siblings. In the school, she is treated exactly the same as other students. As an adult, I will expect her to be a responsible, contributing memebr of society, exactly the same as other adults.

Let's stop facilitating racial divisions by treating people as people.

I don't think race is the issue. What needs to be addressed is the trauma these little ones have experienced. Please see that intense counseling is mandated to avoid another trolley square shooter situation. Remember he came here from another country, having suffered much emotional trauma as a child.

Need may "trump" many issues, but it is vital that the new culture not "trump" the culture of origin. Where these children come from and who their ancestors are is fact and part of who they are and who they should be allowed to become. It is also important to make sure that the "needs" that "trump" are the needs of the children and not the needs of the adults. Glob trotting to pick up children of color is very trendy. The adopting family MUST immerse themselves in the foreign culture. They should learn the language, find opportunities to meet and network with people of the adopted child's culture, and do everything that they can to assure that these children feel comfortable in both the new and the old. If parents are not willing to do all that they can to preserve a child's culture of origin, then they shouldn't be adopting.

I'm an LDS convert, born in Mississippi (1949) and schooled in east Texas during the 1960's period of segregation and civil rights protests. The conservative white majority did not want the blacks to have equal rights. Indeed they wanted the Jim Crow-era laws to remain in force: segregated schools, bathrooms, fountains, even towns. Our town had a black section and everything else was for whites. JC Penney's had 3 restrooms (white men, white women, blacks).

The whole of American society was complicit in the subjugation of black people. When I joined the LDS Church in 1976 I was taught that the black people wore the Mark of Cain and were not equally acceptable to God.

The Church has changed and now says blacks are equal. However, the many generations of LDS taught the Mark of Cain principle insure the continued bias against blacks worldwide.

One of the greatest tests of our time is to accept, love and treat as equals all people on earth. Color of skin means nothing. As latter-day Saints it is imperative that we take the lead in showing the World how to live bias-free.

To 20/20 -- It sounds like you are the one with a racial chip on your shoulder and in your heart. If you treat your Chinese daughter "exactly the same" then you are in reality treating her different. She is entitled to embrace her own culture and you are denying her that right.

Different children have different needs. Parents should acknowledge that. You have expectations of your adopted daughter. Did you ever allow her to have expectations of you, or should she just be grateful that you fed and clothed her?

You may genuinely see her as the same, but every time she looks in the mirror, she knows that she is different and that difference means that she is not only separate from you, but also separate from a culture that she knows nothing about.

I was adopted. I know what it feels like to have questions that adults don't want to answer. I know what it feels like to have adults pretend in a reality that excludes who you really are. Adopted children are not 2nd class citizens. We are entitled to our story. The hearts of the children do turn to their fathers.

Thank you 20/20. I am the adoptive father of an "African American" son (I don't consider him African American. I consider him American). Although I want my son to understand how to function in America being black, I also ask why should it be any different. We as a society are fostering racism by teaching these children they are different and that they have to be different to survive.

Not true. My son should be able to be act the same way as anyone else when he is pulled over by a cop. I am not saying that I should teach my son about his heritage, but I shouldn't have to say to him, "Because you are black you have to do this or that when you grow up."

I have 3 other children. With each I will have to teach them differently to ensure they are successful adults. This isn't because of race, but because they are different individuals.

Although love may not be enough by it's self. Fostering racism by teaching our children that they have to act a certain way because they are a certain color isn't the answer.

Let's put race in perspective. When my only daughter was 16 and just started dating, she went with a boy whose mother and stepfather were in our LDS branch. The boy's mother came to us and told us that his natural father was black.

My wife, in a spontaneous reaction (a lovely moment) simply said: "He's a member of the church, isn't he?"

She had the right perspective.

The article should be called "Enforcing Stereotypes: Don't ever let them forget their place."

True the article mentions the fact the white parents will at some point need to address with their adoptive children that in certain situations they will be treated unfairly for arbitrary reasons. However, the article doesn't address the how or when. You don't just start explaining to a black 7 year old that one day, when he gets to drive like mommy and daddy, he better walk on egg shells when dealing with cops. It also doesn't emphasize the fact that this reality is COMPLETELY and TOTALLY unfair, and should be treated as the OUTRAGE it is.

And this isn't about raising them to be victims, or to have a chip on their shoulder, but to teach them that just cause something is the way it is, doesn't mean it should be or always will be. They should learn to work for change. We should even teach little white kids about this unfairness and how angry and disgusted it should make them.

The only thing children should be taught to hate is injustice, and should feel it in spades.

To look at the case of adoption from Haiti as a "white" family adopting "black" children is to make false assumptions all around.
First off, how do we know that the parents adopting the children are in fact "white". I knew a girl born in China who was adopted by a family in the US where the mother was also a native of China.
Secondly, when people in the US speak of "blacks" they NORMALLY assume we are speaking of people who are part of what I will call the long-standing African-American culture.
The real issues are language, ethnicity and culture, and in any realistic analysis a black family in Famington Hills Michigan or Prince Georges County Maryland (at least if they are not in any way French speaking) is just as much a foriegn family as a "white" Mormon family in Utah.
Also, if the father in this Utah family served his mission in Haiti and thus speaks Creole, would he not be able to better raise his child in the Haitian culture than a black man living in Natchez, Missippi who served his mission English speaking in LA?

Are the teen years easy for anyone?
How does Smith compare "painfulness" so it has any meaning?
How do these experiences compare to adopted children with bi-racial children, adopted children who are not outwardly different than their parents and so forth?
What factor does the age of the children at the time of adoption play? What factors do substance abuse by the parents of the child cause?
What of adopted Korean, Chinese and Native American children among others.
Do the experiences of adopted chidren differ if they live in areas with different religious and racial balances.
In Utah the LDS Church is so prevalent, that people do not draw as much to ward members as they often do here in Michigan. In Michigan you have to put forth effort to go to Church, travel distances, go to early morning seminary and such. So while the teachings and doctrines of the Church are the same, the sociological differeces exist.
What about factors like having black adults in their ward for black children adopted by white parents. Would having biracial couples in the ward effect things.
We need to think deeply on this issues.

The claim that white parents have not experienced racism is not neccesarily true.
I have expereinced racism in Detroit. I would not say it was ever very significant, but it was clearly racism. I also have a friend who as a white person was excluded from several jobs while living in Hawaii because they wanted to higher "locals".
Also, I have experienced intense hate and mocking due to my religion. Although religious bigotry and racism are not the same, they are both forms of marginalization and the ability to empathize with those who suffer one on the part of those who suffer another should not be underestimated.

I am a product of a Mixed Family from 1946, My mother was called every name in the book.

My Father Black and American Indian raised me after my mother fled his abuse.

Her Family disowned her until she divorced my father.

My Mom was a Nice Women, I met her a couple of times as an adult, In the end she found a nice older man who took good care of her and they had a 14 year marriage.

She had a long Widowhood and was a Hard Worker and Good Baptist. Her Sister in her 80's called me to tell me she died, and I did not need to come to the funeral.

My Races has never been foremost on my mind, but it seemed to be foremost on the minds of others. That is Not my problem its their problem.

I became American, just American quite awhile ago. my youngest daughter does the same.

I raised them in Hawaii in part to avoid Race Issues.

Decades ago I choose to associate with people to include relationships, with people who chose me.

Race is over played by people that want to divide and Destroy America.