Comments about ‘Secret shame: Lifelong impact — Victims, families, society cope with effects of abuse’

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Published: Tuesday, March 18 2008 12:00 a.m. MDT

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I feel bad for all that have been abused. It is depressing but very real. True forgiveness and repentance are the only things that will get a victim or abuser back to a healthy lifestyle. Sue, I imagine you are single still because of the trauma you received by this experience.


I just have so much respect for those of you who have shared your stories. I, too, am an adult survivor of childhood sex abuse. My story may seem unbelievable, but it's unfortunately true. Just like Anonymous 2, I don't want pity and I don't want you to be afraid. I was abused by BOTH my natural mother AND father. I have been in recovery for almost 15 years. It's been a huge trial for me, but not my only trial. Not knowing any better, I married a controlling, cruel and abusive man. I then became a mother to many children in quick succession. With children and no where to run, my situation became unbearable. I have suffered from debilitating depression, anger, and panic attacks/anxiety. I know it's hard to believe, but abuse is not a death sentence. I used to dream of having my own headstone and resting peacefully six feet under every time I'd passed a cemetary. But I've hung in there; it's a long fight and it's not over yet. God will place the right people and the right things in your path and He will heal you. It just takes patience and faith.

Sue...Go ahead and yell..

Most of the abused will not want to read this article or respond. They just wish they could forget and move on. The dynamics involved when it is in family are just too much. Sue..Go ahead and yell...You had something important to say, which is that it is not something a person just "gets over". If you feel the need to type in capitals then you go girl..You stand up and speak! Speak your mind and take control...And never ever let anybody hush you into silence or cause shame, because you have something which needs to be heard.For years I slept with a knife under my mattress...hoping I could pull it out and use it during one of the middle of the night, mouth clamped horrific events..To this day, I wish I had...I know I could have saved others from my same fate..In some of our opinions...no punishment is too harsh. Forgive? Maybe some day..Forget?,,,We only wish we could.


One thing nobody seems to get, is that child molesters choose their quarry carefully. We must make sure we and our children do not have an invisible "victim" sign over our heads. The sex criminals can perceive this weakness.

Sexual predators are liars, they lie to themselves, their victims and society. I don't believe they ever truly change, even with prison programs. It's just a matter of time before they re-offend.

Some time ago many women wore buttons that proclaimed "Disarm the Rapist" nice thought, but rape and other sexually based crimes are not about sex. They are about power and a sexual organ was used as the weapon.

For the curious

If anyone who questioned the connection between divorce and sexual abuse is still paying attention, Google "divorce abuse stepfathers rate" and you'll find a wealth of information on the subject.

In fact, the first document that comes up cites research that finds young girls are anywhere from 6 to 40 times more likely to be abused by their stepfathers than by their biological fathers.


Re: Depressing..
I am a survivor who does not wish to remain so. Still, Depressing's comments smack of so many I have heard and I find them unhelpful. I chose to honor my body and spirit's need to recover. It is my abuser's and his family's wish that I "get over it". The unspoken here, is that I should get over it on 'their time schedule' and in their way (therapy). I know for a fact that therapy is NOT what I need. I have chosen with my societal conscience to allow my need for kindness from him and his family to be the thing that heals my own wound, and in doing, to heal his and theirs also. It is an unpopular way, true, and very misunderstood, but it IS the thing that I need and no doubt will create good in their lives also, in the long term. It is my belief also that it may be the kind of thing that safeguards other possible victims. It is risky I think, to not honor the victims need to heal however they need as long as it doesn't continue or repeat the cycle.

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