Offenders seldom fit boogeyman stereotype
Change "by degrees" is hardly enough for society to ever trust these men (and
now women). They are narcisstic, deluded people who will always put their own
needs above those of others. The sad thing is, they never truly believe they're
doing anything wrong. There should be a law....2 strikes and you're in jail for
the rest of your life. It makes me sick to think we're letting these perverts
out of prison.
I personally have zero sympathy for these guys. The "I'm a victim, therefore, I
sexually abuse children" routine is a complete cop out. They use their status
of simply being an "adult" to gain trust of their younger victims.
Unfortunately, many children are taught to not question adults and get caught up
in the sex offenders "grooming" drill. A close relative of mine was abused as a
youth by a deviant that lived in his neighborhood. The calculated steps the
perpetrator used in order to commit his sexual abuse demonstrated his guilt of
premeditation. Fortunately, he was tried and prosecuted for his crimes.
It has been demonstrated repeatedly that there is no cure for perpetrators of
sexual abuse on children. They have to be kept away from children. Zero
tolerance is the only way to prevent more victims.Spend the money and time
on healing their victims and thus preventing more predators.I read in a
newspaper not long ago that some people were outraged that the poor predators of
a certain city were reduced to living in tents under a bridge because the city's
parents did not want them in their hoods and made it clear to the predators. I
thought it was a fair solution. Parents, children, and police all know where
they are and what they are. They need to be isolated so that the good people
and their good children can live free of fear from those predators. Catch them,
identify them publicly, and stash them under the bridge.In our state,
police will go from door to door with a photograph of the predator when he moves
to that city. Predators' pics, names, addresses, crimes, places and dates of
crimes, are published in the newspaper weekly.
I'm sorry I don't buy that "I'm the victim" line from a perpetrator. The victim
is the child, to young to know what's going on. Those children grow up damaged
and robbed for the rest of their lives, traumatized beyond words. I don't
believe they can be rehablitated if they keep telling people "They're the
victims". Sex offenders are selfish plain and simple. Probation alone isn't good
enough, cause if they get out for sure it will happen again and what's sad is
that most of the time they're such great liars the judicial system believes them
and they go off free. Why do I believe what I wrote, Cause I was the real
victim. I can't get back what was robbed from me and I'm the one who has to live
with the pain everyday of my life. Yes, it emotionally and mentally destroys a
child and we grow up not wanting to trust anyone in authority over us and WE
have to be in therepy alot longer then they will be in it.
Whats this secret shame garbage? Are you expecting us to relate to these
worthless pieces of filth or perhaps feel sorry for them? No thank you. I wonder who really dreams these stories up. Hey Cannon, how is that
nepotism thing working out for you? You have taken the Deseret News to a new low
with these fluff pieces trying to give us some "understanding" for these low
life wastes of space.
Two days of disturbing articles on the subject have made me, as a parent of two
young children, wonder how I can possibly protect my children from these
predators. I hope that one of the articles in this series will focus on what
parents can do.While I know that it is difficult to do anything to stop a
predator from preying, I would like to know what the experts say to teach my
children so that if this happens it only happens one time, not a series of times
as appears to often be the case. What is the difference between the children
who report abuse and those who don't? There has to be something that can
be done to protect my children.
This part of the series brings out good information. The issue is more, what
will be done with it?Self loathing is difficult to deal with and sex
offenders use what is at hand to assuage that loathing. It is also true that an
offender must want to change, but that is not different from anyone with any
psychological issue.I agree with Unconvinced that the second time an
offender offends he should get life in prison. I have had a second chance and I
have done all that I can do to keep myself offense free. However, if I were
ever to re-offend I would expect to be locked away for the rest of my life as I
would have forfeited my right to another chance.I was the self
loathing, self medicating type. Over the past 20 years I have learned what not
to do and because I have learned I no longer loath myself. That makes it easier
for me to remain free of offense. Also, my wife is my best friend and I make
sure she is with me as much as possible.
If all potential sex offenders would sincerely ask themselves, "What will this
do to this person, now and in the future?" They would STOP!Sex is a
compelling, exciting thing. First time is remembered forever.Abused, it can cause the abused to become the abuser.Having sex
for the first time with your married partner is the most beautiful, EXCITING
EXPERIENCE in this life, and will go far to solidify a relationship and make for
a committed family. Thus, a society that can be free from a lot of ills.
One strike and you are OUT!!! I will for sure break your legs if you touch one
of my kids. I'm amazed that more legs are not broken by other fathers.
You can speak up against the main causes.Consider the casual sex you see
every night on TV. That is one huge stimulant. Not only do you children see and
know more than you would believe, but the other kids and adults see it and want
the really cool feelings you get when you get sex and never have to worry about
consequences, and we'll be right back after these lustful ads....It's gonna take a lot of parents speaking out to change the source(s) of the
problem. You'll have to explain to the ACLU why the perverts' "freedom" is
dangerous to you children.It's a hard job, but it's gotta be done.
I would like to see a 1 strike and your out law passed where it pertains to sex
offenders. Why? After having lived around sex offenders for 7 yrs at Utah
State Prison. I witnessed first hand how easily the sex offenders
were able to manipulate the staff, sex offender treatment program staff,
casemanagers, board of pardons etc. A majority of these predators
paroled more than once from the prison only to return on new sex charges.About once per month I log onto the sex offender registry and look up
names of offenders. Over the last 8 years I've seen where numerous
sex offenders have been paroled, re-offended-paroled and re-offended. It's time of a 1 strike and your out law where it pertains to sex
Ben the best way to protect your children is to teach them to come to you
whenever they feel uncomfortable around someone. Don't just assume that they
have no reason to feel that way. Be careful of anyone that seems to
pay extra special attention to your children, bringing gifts, or having any
secrets with them. Teach your children where people should not
touch and tell them that no matter what, they will not be in trouble if they
tell on someone that has purposely touched them there.Spend time
with your kids. Don't let them spend time on the Internet without knowing what
they are doing online. Get intrusive with the plans of your children to make
sure that where they spend time you observe the people they are around.If there is a sex offender that lives close to you, meet him/her, not to
threaten or cajole, but to let him/her know that you know who they are. Most
registered offenders are trying to do what is right. Search the offender list
to find those who are not in compliance. You will want to know their faces.
My children were molested by a cousin who's still in denial 20+ victims later. I
fully understand the pain & the anger of those who've been hurt. The effects of
sexual abuse are pervasive & long-lasting. We've also had the experience of
being very close to a young man from an outstanding family who made this mistake
in his early teens and has spent over a decade trying to change his attitudes
and habits as described in the therapy section of the article. So far he's
successful, but he'll have to be prudent the rest of his life. The vitriol
expressed in some of these comments does nothing to heal the offended or help
the offender.If we want a safer world, we need to listen, practice empathy
for all, and
Lifetime Observer The problem is that sex offenders don't ask that question.
They are more concerned about what they get out of it. Like drug abuse, some
sex offenders are trying to deal with some pain inside of them. There are those that are into the control over another and they simply don't
even consider the other person. Ultimately, sex offenders are about
themselves.That is why therapy is so important. If they don't learn
that life is not about them, then the chances they will re-offend is high. No
matter what law you pass, they will continue to offend.Confrontational therapy forces the offender to acknowledge they have hurt
someone else. It forces them to look at their past to see where people did the
same to them and for them to learn that what they did to another hurt like they
had been hurt.Once they make the connection then they can begin to
empathize with their victim and healing can start.All offenders must
learn to recognize that they hurt someone else, and then decide that they don't
want to hurt anyone again.If they don't learn then they cannot be
part of society.
(accidentally hit send but)and REQUIRE ACCOUNTABILITY FROM OFFENDERS.
These articles are well-done. Withhold judgment and listen.
Having been the true victim of one of these folk, I am disinclined to feel too
sympathetic of their *victim* status. I think that releasing them to
their own accountability is like handing someone with anger management issues a
manual for control and a handgun. It's anybody's guess how long it will take,
but it is my belief that the offender will eventually use both objects to
*further his own agenda*. I would also like to say, NEVER having been an
offender, that I grow weary of hearing that those who offend were once offended.
Will power is a wonderful tool, regardless of the weakness. I strongly
recommend it's use! I also strongly recommend that these offenders NOT be
given the benefit of the doubt ~ it's just way too costly when they return to
their line of least resistance.I think, for example, that Lions are
beautiful animals and I am sure that there are many who have never exhibited
anti-social behavior. Nevertheless, they require caging! Much the same
can be said for deviat behavior types.
To "Having lived this"---Thank you
1 Strike I hope you never do anything that would put you in a 1 strike
situation.Everyone deserves a second chance. My victim was my
daughter. There were none before her and none after. I am thankful that I was
caught least I would have continued offending. Being caught forced me to face
the real issues in my life that led me to this point.I remain to
this day, free of sex offenses because I choose not to hurt anyone. I have
raised children since my conviction and I am around my grandchildren. My
children know of my past and they also know I will not hurt them or my
grandchildren, which I see every day.All this was brought about
because of therapy to help me deal with my demons. I recognized my problems and
I learned to deal with them. If not for a supportive and loving wife I may not
have been able to do it myself.I admit that there are those who will
not change. If they re-offend sexually, they should be locked up for life.
Most are not that way and deserve a chance at turning their lives around.
Mike,How about a 1 strike law for all criminals. That way all
criminals are prevented form being around us normal people. We already lock
away a larger percentage of our population than China, Iran, North Korea or
Russia. I am a father of both a victim (daughter) and an offender
(who was 12 at the time). I have delt with therapy for both, I have delt with
the criminal justice system and I have learned a lot about how to mitigate the
circumstances that lead to abuse. "Having Lived with this" got it
In the previous article on this subject I responded & my response was not
printed. Perhaps because I used a name of an offender. The result of this
offender`s imprisonment in Draper are known to me (not just commented on).
Years of taxpayer money convicted this man, many tax dollars used for
rehabilitation & "help"... to "change" (?) this multi child abuser. He "played"
the prison "game", "confessed" a change of heart and agreed with each and every
demand the "system" put on him... in order to GET OUT of prison. I KNOW that
Rules he was to follow are ignored. And noone in the overburdened parole system
cares as long as this arrogant man causes no obvious disruption! In HIS case
(and likely many other cases), Utah citizens would`ve been far ahead if NOTHING
had been spent on him in prison and more spent on keeping track of what he is
ACTUALLY doing within the absurd living situation he was allowed to return to!
Passing judgment on these offenders is absolutely NOT helpful in protecting
children or preventing future abuse. Understanding that they seem like everyone
else and really are "nice guys" is key in teaching children, young women, even
adults to recognize dangerous situations before they are trapped. I believe most
offenders want to be "nice guys" through and through, but they need support to
avoid situations that trigger their impulses and behaviors. I have observed this
as a neighbor, family member and friend of others who have been both victims and
perpetrators. I certainly would not choose to have observed these things -- I
wish for the sake of those involved these things had never happened, but I'm
absolutely not going to close my eyes and pretend it isn't there. Because it is
there, I'm going to understand how to protect my family and hope to teach others
to do the same.
We need to address underlying issues, with more emphasis on prevention.We need to decide to either lock these guys up for life, or come up with a
better plan.Having them spend 5, 10, or 15 years in prison learning
even more deviant behavior and methods of secrecy from their peers, then letting
them right back into society without any support or intervention, does NOT make
society safer. It also costs WAY MORE than we can afford to keep paying.Someone needs to come up with a more cost-effective plan. We can't keep
locking people up for several years, letting them out without jobs or
supervision, then think that we are actually safer.
Many years ago, I told my Bishop something I had done many years before that.
Following his counsel, I told the police. I did absolutely everything my bishop
told me to do. At the end of a very long process, and just before I finally went
off probation, along came Megan's Law, and my sins were "shouted from the house
tops." Well, that's the price I pay for what I did, and my point here isn't to
belabor that what I see as my eternal consequences for screwing up. What has
happened since Megan's Law is that my wife and children, including one not even
born when I committed my crime, are ostracized by our neighbors and their
schoolmates. One child's best friend was suddenly told by her parents that she
was not allowed to play with my daughter any more. Kids don't date my children;
people snub my family on their way into the chapel to worship. The question I
have is this: are my wife and children my victims - or yours?
It is nice to talk about the treatment of pertretrators, but doesn't the law
demand justice for the victim? In the case of child sexual abuse by an adult
perpetrator, justice demands a penalty at least as great as the crime--a
payment, that a few years in prison with therapy doesn't seem to satisfy.
Unfortunate as that may be, it is one of the unfortunate side-effects that _YOU_
caused. The side-effects of these kind of actions are far-reaching, both in
scope and in the amount of people they affect and trouble.One thing
is quite easy to state: If you had never done those things, this would not be
We need some way of sorting out the sex offenders into categories, and treating
accordingly. A multiple repeat offender never gets out, but there need to be
lesser categories. For example, I know of one man who had consensual sex for
the first time at age 19 with a 16 year old girl. Because there was a 3 year
age gap, he was convicted. She testified in his behalf, it didn't matter. He's
now spent a few years in prison after his parole was violated, just before it
was up. His offense that landed him there? He wouldn't admit to other victims.
She's written letters for him, he has many friends who've promised him
employment and vouched for him, he met and married a wonderful woman while on
parole. She was 21 when they met, and they tried to get him to admit that she
was a victim. What a waste of taxpayer dollars, in prison time, treatment, and
the loss of income and taxes he would have been paying while supporting his
family. Instead his baby was born on Medicaid while he was in prison. Stupid.
To "the local perv":I have to agree with "re: the local perv". There
are deeds that we do which have long lasting negative consequences for many
people.When it comes to protecting our own children, can you blame
the parents for doing all that they can?To everyone else:We, as individuals in our society, need to be much more forgiving and
understanding. Particularly when it comes to the wife and children. If we feel
that the husband/father is a monster, shouldn't that be reason to reach out and
succor the family?If I were the father of the best friend, I hope my
response would be to discuss this with my daughter, encourage the friendship,
welcome her friend into our home, and forbid my daughter from going into theirs.
Two of the best ways to protect your children are these:1) Tell
there that if someone says something is a secret that they have to tell you
because it usually is someone covering up something that they've done wrong or
about to do and that it could harm your child. Also tell them that if some says
"dont tell because mom / dad would be upset or I'm going to hurt them if you
tell" that they have to tell you because you'd be more upset if they didnt
because it means someone wants to hurt them and not you.Tell them
(not graphically) where its unappropriate to touch and about relying on their
feelings where if they feel uneasy they need to flee and come tell you about it.
I told my son that he was not to allow anyone to touch him in a non-friendly way
- a pat on the back, a handshake or such and that anything else was
inappropriate. I also told him that if people started talking about sex or
showing him pictures or themselves he was to flee and report it to me.
There is an amazing array of emotion here which is very understandable but
misguided in most respects by people wanting to grandstand on some hot button
issue they know very little about.I have never committed a sexual
crime. I have never been the victim of sexual crime. I had a best friend, who
was also my girlfriend, who could not stop cutting on herself because that was
the only way she could manage her feelings after being molested 15 years
previous. I have a good friend who is listed on the sex offender website
because he had intercourse with his then girlfriend while he was 18 and she was
16 and the parents pressed charges and won. Repeat offenders,
especially those who offend against little children should get the death
penalty. Period. Those who can demonstrate that they have changed should be
allowed some measure of normalicy. The problem lies in that it is very hard to
tell who is genuine.To those that wish to give a knee-jerk reaction,
until you know the horrors that exist in a damaged mind and the abject misery it
is to try and correct that, please refrain from passing judgement.
I was a victim twenty years ago. Every day I remember. Every day I hurt. Every
day I feel the "secret shame" that should only be his. Counseling and faith
have helped but haven't taken it away. He got probation; I got a life sentence.
Like you, I got a "life sentence" too--until I realized that I truly didn't
deserve it! It took years to realize that the blame belonged to him and NOT
me.Thankfully, society is slowly shifting, and ending it's seeming
need to blame the victim.
Please give more focus to the victim. Do this in your justice system, in your
newspapers, and in your day-to-day life. Tell us their challenges, their
heataches, and their losses.While it is good to understand (a
little) about how and why perverts act the way they do, they may be sentenced to
a finite amount of years. Most victim's sentences are infinite.
Local perv, My sister was the wife and my neice and nephew were like his family
ostrizized. My Sister took her molesting husband back into her home knowing he
molested their daughter, my daughters and every neice in our family. Little
girls would swim in thier pool when Dad was home. He would give their daughter
rides to school. If a family chooses to keep a dangerous man like these
shouldn't there be reprocussions. Our experience is not that probation officers
are at all helpful either.
To "nobody", I empathize with you. It is suggested that we should empathize
with the perpetrator, but I do not. I empathize with you. Too many of my loved
ones have had to deal with your situation. I empathize with them.I
was also suggested by "Having Lived This" to not pass judgement. I disagree.
When the court of law has passed judgement that the perpetrator is guilty, then
yes, I do pass judgement as well. They are guilty; guilty of destroying the
lives of their victims. Unforunately, the offender is usually only convicted
for a few of their victims, when there are many other victims that did not see
justice; many others who's lives and childhood were literally stolen from
them.To "ex offender", I appreciate your candidness in helping to
educate us parents on how to protect our children.
What's accomplished when we lock away a perpetrator for five, ten, or twenty
years? Are we really safer? Perhaps for awhile, but eventually they will be
released. Unless we decide to incarcerate these people for life, then there
needs to be more intense follow-up, perhaps a place where they can still be
watched, and supervised.I don't know about you, but I think most of
these guys seem a lot more scary after they've been in prison than before they
1 Strike? There are not enough jails, and not enough jailers, and not enough
therapists, even if you few perfect people left could afford the tax load to pay
for them.Your demand for Justice will never happen. And you are an
armchair quarterback, dreaming about a world where Bad things don't happen to
Good people. You'll never hate the perps enough to get them to
repent; they don't know you and wouldn't care anyway. All you can do for your
own peace is forgive. Revenge is never satisfying. Forgiveness is.
The thing that we will never be able to do is restore to our victims what we
took. We cannot possibly understand what they have gone through unless we were
also abused as children.The only thing that a sex offender can do
for his victim is make sure that he never, never victimizes anyone again.Yes, life is hard when you are a RSO but, as has been mentioned here
many times, we made choices that placed us in this position. I do not want
anyone to simply accept that I say I have changed. We can trust but we must
verify that RSO are doing what they should be doing. There can be no letting
up.After 10 years or more of staying clean then we can start to be
trusted a bit more. The main thing that must not be done is make it so
impossible for a RSO to straighten up that he feels that he has no hope. I fear
to think what a person without hope can do to some innocent. This
is an issue that cannot be approached emotionally because of the unintended
consequences that often happen.
Criminals who want to get out of jail play nice. I guess the media is not
intellegent enough to figure this out.Charles Manson was on his best
behaviorafter molesting a young boy in the 1950s and look what he did in
the 1960s when he was rewarded by being let out of jail.
I was about 10 when I finally understood how to stop the abuse that had gone on
since almost birth. In the last year I confronted both people who abused me.
Interesting experience in understanding these peopleneither of them denied it
(except of course to the authorities). The one's reaction was, "you don't know
how miserable I amI am a victim too. If you really followed Christ, you would
forget what I did and restore the relationship." The other reaction from the
second perpetrator was, "My parents were old fashioned and didn't teach me about
sex. Therefore, even though I was an adult, I am not accountable for what I
didthey are. Besides, what I did to you was poor judgment, not abuse, because
there was no malice in my behavior." Very sad. I have forgiven them, but I
deal with their damage daily. I have come to understand that forgiveness doesnt
mean you have to restore relationships, nor does it mean that it removes
consequences. It means, among other things, that I wish these men no ill will,
and I don't dwell on justiceI can let it go. I wish I could let all the damage
Nice guys indeed. Oh wait, not in deed, in word. There's a big difference.
What about all the things we are taught every sunday?? I think there are many
people who profess to believe something that they don't even understand. "Should
I not spare Nineva...?"I want to apologize on behalf of those who have
made heartless remarks. Especially those who have commented that they (and their
families) deserve harsh treatment because they made the choice to offend. Again,
"should I not spare Nineva....?"You are witholding the very thing which
you daily seek.
My child was abused in the Church bathroom. You SO's stay away from my children
or you will find life REAL difficult for you, I guarantee it.
How can you be sure they aren't honestly nice people? While one act
can define you legally and socially some of the nicest people I have ever met
have been violent criminals and drug dealers. I can't say I've ever had a friend
who was openly into children, but my point stands.
Those of us who are former victims find it difficult if not impossible to feel
sorry for the perpetrator. If I thought my child had experienced abuse as I did
I'm not sure what I'd do but it would not be pleasant.Sorry, you
perpetrators, I have no sympathy for you or for the invalid and vapid reasons
why you feel you needed to abuse an innocent child or teenager.Everyone can change. A person does not need to "respond" to the negative
influence of his childhoo. I was abused and I'm not a child abuser nor have I
ever been tempted to be one. Fortunately I didn't need therapy to prevent myself
from being one or to eventually heal from the abuse (although it took a very
long time to overcome the shame and guilt on my own). I simply
learned to loathe child abuse and the abusers.
If the most perfect person that has ever lived, can forgive us of our sins, we
need to find a way to forgive others of theirs."...He that is
without sin among you, let him first cast a stone..." -John 8:7The
adversary would have us remain in a sinful state. We need to overcome the
challenges put before us, and be available to assist others in overcoming
Many people have commented on how "we should not judge" people who are
accused/convicted of abuse. I recommend a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks given
3/1/98 at an LDS Church CES Fireside. The talk is available online. The short
version is that we cannot make final judgements on people because we don't know
the whole story. That is left up to God. But we must frequently make
"intermediate judgments" based on the information that we have. From Elder Oaks:
"Some personal decisions must be made before we have access to all of the
facts. Two hypotheticals illustrate this principle:1. If a
particular person has been arrested for child sexual abuse and is free on bail
awaiting trial on his guilt or innocence, will you trust him to tend your
children while you take a weekend trip?" My view is that we must
make judgments in order to keep children safe. There will still be mistakes, but
way too many adults are underprotective rather than overprotective of children.
While it probably take more inner resources than most of us will ever have to
forgive such people, it takes no courage or thought simply to declare one's
contempt for child molesters. It's like saying "I really hate
Nazis." Yeah, don't we all.One interesting quote: "They're all
really nice guys." It shows how in our culture some people can
easily conflate "nice" things with good things. I have no doubt that many people
are "nice" who end up harming others. Yet so many in our culture are judged by
their appearance--if they've got tattoos, long hair, facial hair, etc., they're
judged "not nice" and therefore "not good." I'd rather be grouped
with the "not nice" if the "nice" may include sexual child predators.
I know three people personally who have been sexually abused, and I just want to
say that the ones who have moved past it are the ones who's lives are the most
complete. Yes, being abused can be mentally crippling, but forgiveness is the
only way we'll ever heal even slightly. The offenders have no right to do what
they do, but I think they deserve a second chance. Everyone does, and we can
never understand the circumstances under which it occured. I do believe
however, that your second chance should be your last chance, if you continue to
commit crimes afterwards, you are obviously not truly reformed, and have no
desire to be.
Ahhhh...'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone'.How well
Christianity has contrived to continue to victimize and control the very victims
There is more to this sad situation than many commenters are mentioning today.
Some talk as if their pain, or the children's pain, can only be permanent. It
does not have to be.The reason we came to this life is to be tested.
Some peoples' test is whether they can forgive, and allow others to make
mistakes and repent. God's great purpose is to heal, to remove stains and pain
-- and our very imperfect judgments of each other.You may not be
ready to hear it now, which makes us sad, but that law of the universe is more
powerful than any reason you have for hanging on to hate, or any darkness you
feel now. We have many in our congregations who have experienced
the miracles of forgiving, and will testify that it healed their grief.
Sometimes it motivated the guilty party to change, but that is a completely
separate thing.We pray for you.
I believe in Repentance, you and your family would be welcome in my home, and
your children to play with my child. Although I would be present when my child
played in your home, or my wife visiting with your wife. I think there must be a
few innocently convicted inmates who are stuck in prison and haven't committed
the crimes for which they have been accused. What of this minority? They have to
admit to something they DID NOT DO, or sit in prison accused of being in
"Denial". This is the down side of this kind of "Counciling"! It is unjust and
unfair, they have no recompense for them at all! Sexual Offenders are not
"Innocent Until Proven Guilty", the opposite is true, and I know from personal
witness accounts most "Offenders" Plea because they are "Over-Charged" to begin
with! If the D.A.'s office filed charges that suited the crime to begin with,
you would see the "Conviction" rate drop to a more realistic rate. Those Charged
are so affraid of Serious Prison time MOST take plea bargains to attempt to
avoid PRISON, and hope for treatment and probation instead. This is a SERIOUS
Victims need treatment. Perpetrators need treatment. There are many victims
and perpetrators who are holding this secret and not getting help. Yet. Get
help. Please. Free yourself from this pain and agony. And for the rest of us,
show some compassion for both ... and for the families. There is a lot of pain
there too. I like that this article didn't sensationalize in order to bump up
readership for Deseret News. I appreciate the even-handed approach. I like
that so many on this blog genuinely care about the futures of both survivors and
their offenders and recognize they could be our neighbors, our family, our
friends. I care too.
Therapy does sometimes work. I just found out my best friend sexually abused a
girl when he was twelve, and I never would have known if he hadn't told me. I
don't think I've ever met a better guy, I was in total shock afterwards. I still
trust him, and I'd still date him, because I've seen how badly it hurts him and
how much he wants to take it back. Is it his fault? Yes. Was it horrible?
Without a doubt. But, please, the things these people do are terrible. The
people themselves aren't. Don't generalize, and don't assume that people can't
change. Not all sex offenders are in denial or call themselves victims.
I was convicted of attempted enticing a minor over the internet. It was a
police internet sting. Until then, I never tried to meet anyone (let alone a
minor) from the internet. I have never abused anyone IN MY LIFE...yet, the
people in my LDS ward felt the need to hold a meeting to express their
"concerns" when they found out I and my wife and children were going to
permanently move into the neighborhood THAT I GREW UP IN! I could not believe
the kinds of hateful remarks, uninformed opinions, and blind criticism that came
out of those "good Mormon" mouths. Not only did they ATTACK me, but some
attacked the people that were selling the house to us, telling them, "You've
ruined our neighborhood!"I have been blindly lumped into the group
of sex offenders that have committed some of the most terrible acts against
children, yet I have done NOTHING! Oh, sure, I do have victims; my family. I
realize that, but I have NEVER, AND WILL NEVER, hurt a child!!! I MADE A STUPID
MISTAKE AND NOW MY WIFE AND CHILDREN ARE BEING OSTRACIZED BY OUR "Christ-like"
NEIGHBORS AND SOON THEIR SCHOOLMATES! Thanks for the love!
Parents MUST teach their children to tell them if someone attempts to abuse
them. It's the only thing that saved my son and my granddaughter. Both were
neighborhood teenage boys and both were predators. We must convince our
children to trust us more than they fear the predator.
This is for Are We Really Safer: The answer is yes, for the 10, 20, or so years
the predator is in jail. Remember, there are no children in there for them to
I am glad to see that this terrible crime is getting attention so that there
will be more pressure on the legislature to better the sex offender programs. I
am almost divorced from a man who molested my daughter from the ages of 8-12.
It has been the worst experience of my life. The victim, my daughter is a mess.
She is hurt that her father had deceived her for so long leading her to believe
what they were doing was okay. My other children struggle to understand why she
is so messed up & it is difficult to keep us united. My soon to be ex feels
that my daughter is also responsible for what he did to her because she allowed
it. It sickens me that perpetrators can have such a warped perception of what
they did. As we continue through the criminal action against him, I am blown
away by the lack of regard towards the victims. Everyone is so concerned about
what happens to the sex offender, where is the funding & help for the victims &
families? I believe their should be a no tolerance law for this crime because
it ruins lives.
I don't want to sound like I am judging you too... but having just read the
articles, none of the guys who are convicted of these things ever admit to doing
anything.My brother in law was one of these guys too. A trusted fireman
who was a "good guy". He was great at community service too. If we had a sexual
predator list years ago, he wouldn't have even been allowed to ba a fireman, but
he passed the screening because it didn't exist when he started the department.
The sad thing is he couldn't except his fate, so he committed suicide and now
his kids have to live with that to. If you are one of these guys, quit dening it
and get help!
I am almost 68 years old and was molested as a child. I have spent the better
part of my life in therapy (still am). I have tried suicide twice. I can't
begin to explain the damage that abuse causes. Most victims internalize it and
even if they know intellectuly that it wasn't their fault, they will still
subconsciously blame themselves. They may go through life not being able to
understand why they do certain things,then during therapy find out that the
cause is the abuse. I just recently found out why I have irrational fears and
why I have to be in control of everything, as a victim you have no control. We
moved to Florida from Utah almost 4 years ago and the laws are very different
here. We now have Jessica's law-25 yrs mandatory for molesting a child under
12. I am very disappointed that Utah won't pass the law. They are one of the
few states that won't. Since we have lived here we have been notified by mail 3
times that we have a sex offender within 1500 feet. Utah still thinks they can
be rehabilitated. Ya right!
I am nearly 60 years old, and a day doesn't go by that I don't live with the
consequences of abuse as a child. I have raised a wonderful family and have
NEVER ever considered abusing a child. My struggles are with my own self-esteem.
I don't waste time hating the abusers, I just feel pity for them. But, the
things they planted in my little heart about my worthlessnes; "it was your fault
I did this" and "don't you ever tell or else" and "you must always mind adults
no matter what they do" etc. etc. etc. are ghosts that still raise their dark
and shadowy heads constantly. I don't know if I can ever be good enough, or do
enough, for my own family or other people to make my heart believe that I am
truly worth loving. My head knows but ah my heart . . . I trust one day God will
chase the ghosts away. Abusers are selfish and choose to abuse. When are we
going to give them the punishment of "a life, for a life." Repeat offenders of
children need the death penalty!
The serial killer has the same personality characteristics as the sex offender
against children. Source:Dr. Mace Knapp, Nevada State Prison Physiologist Having read that, I totally agree with a one strike your out if you
molest a child. Period.Plus,The typical child sex
offender molests an average of 117 children, most of whom do not report the
offense. Source: The National Institute of Mental HealthandMore than 1/2 of all convicted sex offenders are sent back to prison within a
year. Within 2 years, 77% are back. Source: California Department of Corrections
to Sa S: Where are you pulling those rediculous numbers from? You name the
source, but I have yet, as one who has gone through sex offender therapy
(successfully), ever heard of any of the guys that were in my offender group
ever say they had anywhere near that number of children they abused. That is a
pretty outlandish number. As for your numbers of those who are sent back to
prison, that number is GREATLY exagerated, not to mention a statistic from the
California DOC.Get your facts STRAIGHT before you go quoting them,
and maybe adding the link to where you found them would be good also.
I read some topics on this subject in school and I remember that most offenders
were sex abused victims themselves. They lost the sense to understand that they
are hurting someone because that sense was taken from them when they were
children, perhaps once they offend a loved one, then they may realize it. Also,
they may be sort off getting even without noticing the behavioral pattern. Its interesting to read the last paragraphs that states that offenders
after going through treatment have a recidivism rate of almost zero, yet, the
politicians will tell the opposite. Since most cases are family affairs, why not
just put the tough laws on the cases that involved abductions or predatory type
circumstances. These family cases should be dealt as they used to be done years
ago -- within the family in order to protect the abused and the family.
Why isn't there a registry for all crimes? According to Bureau of Justice
Statistics (USDOJ) Sex offenders are less likely than non-sex offenders to be
rearrested for any offense 68 percent of non-sex offenders versus 43 percent of
sex offenders are likely to reoffend. Of the 9,691 male sex offenders released
from prisons in 15 States in 1994, 5.3% were rearrested for a new sex crime
within 3 years of release. Think about this:Some 40% of
offenders were victims themselves as a child, which could indicate a "reason" to
public register 'child sex crime victims' for life as they might pose a threat
to children in the future. Would that stop them from becoming offenders
themselves? Probably not. It might be time to consider alternative means of
actually protecting society instead of making smoke screens.