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Offenders seldom fit boogeyman stereotype

Published: Monday, March 17 2008 12:29 a.m. MDT

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Unconvinced

Change "by degrees" is hardly enough for society to ever trust these men (and now women). They are narcisstic, deluded people who will always put their own needs above those of others. The sad thing is, they never truly believe they're doing anything wrong. There should be a law....2 strikes and you're in jail for the rest of your life. It makes me sick to think we're letting these perverts out of prison.

JerS

I personally have zero sympathy for these guys. The "I'm a victim, therefore, I sexually abuse children" routine is a complete cop out. They use their status of simply being an "adult" to gain trust of their younger victims. Unfortunately, many children are taught to not question adults and get caught up in the sex offenders "grooming" drill. A close relative of mine was abused as a youth by a deviant that lived in his neighborhood. The calculated steps the perpetrator used in order to commit his sexual abuse demonstrated his guilt of premeditation. Fortunately, he was tried and prosecuted for his crimes.

Carole Knowles

It has been demonstrated repeatedly that there is no cure for perpetrators of sexual abuse on children. They have to be kept away from children. Zero tolerance is the only way to prevent more victims.
Spend the money and time on healing their victims and thus preventing more predators.
I read in a newspaper not long ago that some people were outraged that the poor predators of a certain city were reduced to living in tents under a bridge because the city's parents did not want them in their hoods and made it clear to the predators. I thought it was a fair solution. Parents, children, and police all know where they are and what they are. They need to be isolated so that the good people and their good children can live free of fear from those predators. Catch them, identify them publicly, and stash them under the bridge.
In our state, police will go from door to door with a photograph of the predator when he moves to that city. Predators' pics, names, addresses, crimes, places and dates of crimes, are published in the newspaper weekly.

A cop out...

I'm sorry I don't buy that "I'm the victim" line from a perpetrator. The victim is the child, to young to know what's going on. Those children grow up damaged and robbed for the rest of their lives, traumatized beyond words. I don't believe they can be rehablitated if they keep telling people "They're the victims". Sex offenders are selfish plain and simple. Probation alone isn't good enough, cause if they get out for sure it will happen again and what's sad is that most of the time they're such great liars the judicial system believes them and they go off free. Why do I believe what I wrote, Cause I was the real victim. I can't get back what was robbed from me and I'm the one who has to live with the pain everyday of my life. Yes, it emotionally and mentally destroys a child and we grow up not wanting to trust anyone in authority over us and WE have to be in therepy alot longer then they will be in it.

Anonymous

Whats this secret shame garbage? Are you expecting us to relate to these worthless pieces of filth or perhaps feel sorry for them? No thank you.

I wonder who really dreams these stories up. Hey Cannon, how is that nepotism thing working out for you? You have taken the Deseret News to a new low with these fluff pieces trying to give us some "understanding" for these low life wastes of space.

Ben

Two days of disturbing articles on the subject have made me, as a parent of two young children, wonder how I can possibly protect my children from these predators. I hope that one of the articles in this series will focus on what parents can do.
While I know that it is difficult to do anything to stop a predator from preying, I would like to know what the experts say to teach my children so that if this happens it only happens one time, not a series of times as appears to often be the case. What is the difference between the children who report abuse and those who don't?
There has to be something that can be done to protect my children.

ex offender

This part of the series brings out good information. The issue is more, what will be done with it?

Self loathing is difficult to deal with and sex offenders use what is at hand to assuage that loathing. It is also true that an offender must want to change, but that is not different from anyone with any psychological issue.

I agree with Unconvinced that the second time an offender offends he should get life in prison. I have had a second chance and I have done all that I can do to keep myself offense free. However, if I were ever to re-offend I would expect to be locked away for the rest of my life as I would have forfeited my right to another chance.

I was the self loathing, self medicating type. Over the past 20 years I have learned what not to do and because I have learned I no longer loath myself. That makes it easier for me to remain free of offense. Also, my wife is my best friend and I make sure she is with me as much as possible.

Lifetime Observer

If all potential sex offenders would sincerely ask themselves, "What will this do to this person, now and in the future?" They would STOP!

Sex is a compelling, exciting thing. First time is remembered forever.

Abused, it can cause the abused to become the abuser.

Having sex for the first time with your married partner is the most beautiful, EXCITING EXPERIENCE in this life, and will go far to solidify a relationship and make for a committed family.
Thus, a society that can be free from a lot of ills.

McKay

One strike and you are OUT!!! I will for sure break your legs if you touch one of my kids. I'm amazed that more legs are not broken by other fathers.

to Ben

You can speak up against the main causes.
Consider the casual sex you see every night on TV. That is one huge stimulant. Not only do you children see and know more than you would believe, but the other kids and adults see it and want the really cool feelings you get when you get sex and never have to worry about consequences, and we'll be right back after these lustful ads....

It's gonna take a lot of parents speaking out to change the source(s) of the problem. You'll have to explain to the ACLU why the perverts' "freedom" is dangerous to you children.

It's a hard job, but it's gotta be done.

Mike

I would like to see a 1 strike and your out law passed where it pertains to sex offenders. Why? After having lived around sex offenders for 7 yrs at Utah State Prison.

I witnessed first hand how easily the sex offenders were able to manipulate the staff, sex offender treatment program staff, casemanagers, board of pardons etc.

A majority of these predators paroled more than once from the prison only to return on new sex charges.

About once per month I log onto the sex offender registry and look up names of offenders.

Over the last 8 years I've seen where numerous sex offenders have been paroled, re-offended-paroled and re-offended.
It's time of a 1 strike and your out law where it pertains to sex offenders.





ex offender

Ben the best way to protect your children is to teach them to come to you whenever they feel uncomfortable around someone. Don't just assume that they have no reason to feel that way.

Be careful of anyone that seems to pay extra special attention to your children, bringing gifts, or having any secrets with them.

Teach your children where people should not touch and tell them that no matter what, they will not be in trouble if they tell on someone that has purposely touched them there.

Spend time with your kids. Don't let them spend time on the Internet without knowing what they are doing online. Get intrusive with the plans of your children to make sure that where they spend time you observe the people they are around.

If there is a sex offender that lives close to you, meet him/her, not to threaten or cajole, but to let him/her know that you know who they are. Most registered offenders are trying to do what is right. Search the offender list to find those who are not in compliance. You will want to know their faces.

Having lived this

My children were molested by a cousin who's still in denial 20+ victims later. I fully understand the pain & the anger of those who've been hurt. The effects of sexual abuse are pervasive & long-lasting. We've also had the experience of being very close to a young man from an outstanding family who made this mistake in his early teens and has spent over a decade trying to change his attitudes and habits as described in the therapy section of the article. So far he's successful, but he'll have to be prudent the rest of his life. The vitriol expressed in some of these comments does nothing to heal the offended or help the offender.
If we want a safer world, we need to listen, practice empathy for all, and

ex offender

Lifetime Observer The problem is that sex offenders don't ask that question. They are more concerned about what they get out of it. Like drug abuse, some sex offenders are trying to deal with some pain inside of them.

There are those that are into the control over another and they simply don't even consider the other person. Ultimately, sex offenders are about themselves.

That is why therapy is so important. If they don't learn that life is not about them, then the chances they will re-offend is high. No matter what law you pass, they will continue to offend.

Confrontational therapy forces the offender to acknowledge they have hurt someone else. It forces them to look at their past to see where people did the same to them and for them to learn that what they did to another hurt like they had been hurt.

Once they make the connection then they can begin to empathize with their victim and healing can start.

All offenders must learn to recognize that they hurt someone else, and then decide that they don't want to hurt anyone again.

If they don't learn then they cannot be part of society.

Having lived this

(accidentally hit send but)
and REQUIRE ACCOUNTABILITY FROM OFFENDERS. These articles are well-done. Withhold judgment and listen.

cj snyder

Having been the true victim of one of these folk, I am disinclined to feel too sympathetic of their *victim* status.
I think that releasing them to their own accountability is like handing someone with anger management issues a manual for control and a handgun. It's anybody's guess how long it will take, but it is my belief that the offender will eventually use both objects to *further his own agenda*.
I would also like to say, NEVER having been an offender, that I grow weary of hearing that those who offend were once offended. Will power is a wonderful tool, regardless of the weakness. I strongly recommend it's use!
I also strongly recommend that these offenders NOT be given the benefit of the doubt ~ it's just way too costly when they return to their line of least resistance.
I think, for example, that Lions are beautiful animals and I am sure that there are many who have never exhibited anti-social behavior. Nevertheless, they require caging!
Much the same can be said for deviat behavior types.

UnCharged

To "Having lived this"---Thank you

ex offender

1 Strike I hope you never do anything that would put you in a 1 strike situation.

Everyone deserves a second chance. My victim was my daughter. There were none before her and none after. I am thankful that I was caught least I would have continued offending. Being caught forced me to face the real issues in my life that led me to this point.

I remain to this day, free of sex offenses because I choose not to hurt anyone. I have raised children since my conviction and I am around my grandchildren. My children know of my past and they also know I will not hurt them or my grandchildren, which I see every day.

All this was brought about because of therapy to help me deal with my demons. I recognized my problems and I learned to deal with them. If not for a supportive and loving wife I may not have been able to do it myself.

I admit that there are those who will not change. If they re-offend sexually, they should be locked up for life. Most are not that way and deserve a chance at turning their lives around.

Concerned Father

Mike,

How about a 1 strike law for all criminals. That way all criminals are prevented form being around us normal people. We already lock away a larger percentage of our population than China, Iran, North Korea or Russia.

I am a father of both a victim (daughter) and an offender (who was 12 at the time). I have delt with therapy for both, I have delt with the criminal justice system and I have learned a lot about how to mitigate the circumstances that lead to abuse.

"Having Lived with this" got it right.

Concerned

In the previous article on this subject I responded & my response was not printed. Perhaps because I used a name of an offender. The result of this offender`s imprisonment in Draper are known to me (not just commented on). Years of taxpayer money convicted this man, many tax dollars used for rehabilitation & "help"... to "change" (?) this multi child abuser. He "played" the prison "game", "confessed" a change of heart and agreed with each and every demand the "system" put on him... in order to GET OUT of prison. I KNOW that Rules he was to follow are ignored. And noone in the overburdened parole system cares as long as this arrogant man causes no obvious disruption! In HIS case (and likely many other cases), Utah citizens would`ve been far ahead if NOTHING had been spent on him in prison and more spent on keeping track of what he is ACTUALLY doing within the absurd living situation he was allowed to return to!

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