Deseret News | Reader comments: Dating up a storm: BYU coeds more busy with pastime than most, study finds

Reader comments
Dating up a storm: BYU coeds more busy with pastime than most, study finds

TRL East High 61 | 5:43 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

This article filled me with admiration for you students and broke my heart as I sobbed over opportunities lost and bad decisions made during my life. When I graduated from college spirituality was bottom on my list of traits/characteristics even though I was married to a wonderful woman. It took me into my 50's to be as in tune as most of you are in your youth. Marrying a spiritually mature, committed LDS person who loves the Lord is something you owe your children and grandchildren. May the Lord bless all of you as you make this (eternal) committment.

Carole Knowles | 6:52 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

to TRL East High 61:
Excellent comment and advice to young people.

Sandra | 8:38 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

I attended the Y to get my MRS degree, now too many years later I am over burdened with children a dumb husband, up to my neck involved in church work with things I really don't care about or believe, none of my dreams of travel or excitment will ever come true, I am just here, stuck in Utah living a plastic life thinking about what might have been, but everyone insisted I had to have a good mormon missionary husband, big deal.

Comments continue below

Problems | 9:00 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

The mental attitudes still need to change. Even though BYU students aren't having sex, it appears from this article that they're trying to do as much as they can without having sex. That attitude, at least in my opinion, does not embody someone who is trying to maintain chastity. The idea of NCMO is horrifyingly sick, summed up in the article as a one-night stand. I agree that BYU's atmosphere and respect of sexual matters is wonderful, but it can certainly improve and has most certainly degraded in the 13 years since I attended.

Guy | 9:47 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

Woah Sandra, a little bitter are we....

Nancy | 9:46 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

I was sad to read Sandra's comments. Sounds like no testimony now.
What would you have been, Sandra? Sorry you did not do something for yourself.

Klaus | 10:28 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

Sandra: Wow! Are you for real? That is so sad. Well, there you are; so what are you going to do now? Perhaps you need to find a purpose. It is too late, and pointless, to tell you what you should have done. Does your husband come home drunk? Does he beat you? Then you might have an issue; otherwise, get on with your life. Deal with what you have now. So, your husband is "dumb". What are you contributing? Is a dumb or selfish wife any better? Sorry to be blunt, but it is a rare person who doesn't have some things they wish they had done differently; nevertheless, they go forward with what they have. Change what you can; accept what you cannot.

U of U fan | 10:32 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

The church is true. BYU is not. There are too many controversial articles and problems constantly with this school. I am certain BYU is a difficult school to keep a testimony. Also they enforce laws more strict than the military and it does nothing. People in Provo are miserable. They get lots of dates and don't get married. They move to Salt Lake and find their eternal companion. I have seen it over and over again. I hope none of my children suffer to go to BYU!

PlasticMom | 10:55 a.m. Feb. 27, 2008

Yeah, very sad, Sandra--IF your story is true! At least you got the privilege of attending BYU! Thousands of young LDS would love to have had that opportunity...and be in the environment to meet good, returned-missionary, perspective husband. Sounds like you need to be reminded of your blessings in life: to be married & having children, to name a couple! Many people do not even have that chance. Just leave it if you don't believe it and see if that life of travel and excitement makes you any happier!

Rick Terskale | 2:18 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

NCMO was my favorite past time at BYU. I had lots of training while I attended BYU from other people's wives, and now that I met my eternal companion after graduating from BYU and moving back to TX, all that training has paid off. BYU, and Utah in general, are an artificial Utopia. Move away and experience real life in the "mission field", and you will have a lot greater appreciation for the gospel.

rmami | 2:25 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

I am a returned missionary who was looking for a wife who "loved the Lord" and was active in the church - until they use it against you and tear your heart out. This happened too many times and thank the Lord I found out about these "plastic" women. The church doesn't matter as much as you think in marriage, this is a big LIE.

Nebraska | 2:51 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

rmami:

Just because you got hurt does not mean "it is a big LIE". Like was said earlier: "The church is true. BYU is not."

When I was younger, I thought BYU graduates and students were arrogant know-it-alls who looked down their noses at the rest of us. Now that I'm older with my own kids in college (no, not BYU, mostly because we couldn't afford it) I see how wrong I was. Arrogant LDS people can be found outside of BYU too.

Of course, I also learned that there are many, many good people who attended or currently attend BYU.

Re: Plastic Mom | 3:37 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

Here is a woman that is sharing with all of you how she truly feels and all you can do is judge her? "At least she got to attend BYU" are you kidding me? It sounds like she met a "good returned missionary" and she is not real impressed with the outcome. I believe when the truth comes out, being married to a returned missionary or going to BYU really doesn't matter in the long run.

Ana Jones | 3:38 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

Chalenges are part of life. And not necessarely, by doing the right things, we will receive the blessings in our own time. Why? Because this life is a test of faith. Besides the Lord sayd that His thoughts are not our thoughts. Going to BYU is a blessing that not every LDS youth around the world can get; marrying an ex-missionary is not for every lds single woman, many will never get married, and others, although married, will never have their own kids, in this life. The Savior invites each of us to take our own cross and follow Him. If depprecion is part of our cross, medical and psychiatric help is needed. Go for it Sandra, before you do something that you will regret for the rest of your life. Maybe, by taking care of your own health your cross will be lighter. Miracles happen, if we believe. Kisses from Brazil.

Husband not an Object | 7:21 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

We teach our girls to marry a returned missionary. Too many of them set this goal regard the status as something they must have instead of really loving the man. Sort of a reversal of the worldly view of a woman as sex object. Its different but not better. You need to know the quality of the man, not the number of boxes you can tick off. A wise friend of mine once told me to see how he treats pets and his mother.

R-Roe | 8:44 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

BYU is full of imperfect people but a lot of them are trying to be there best.
Religion is VERY important in marriage. Iï¿½ve lived (long term) with a married couple who have strong but different views on religion. Their marriage and kids totally suffered.
The young women are told all the time to help the young men remain worthy and have a desire to serve a mission. Theyï¿½re also told not to settle for less than a RM. ITï¿½S IMPORTANT!!! Itï¿½s amassing to see my friends come home from their missions as men when I sent them out two years earlier as boys. They gain so much on their missions that make them better in every way. Including as husbands.
NCMO. Gross,shudder&gag!!!!! MO with someone who might deny they know you exists tomorrow? Who knows where their mouth has been.
Sandra. Iï¿½m sorry you feel to pressure. Unfortunately you, me and everyone else are responsible for our own decisions. Try to make the best of what you have. If it helps Iï¿½ve gotten to do more than my share of traveling but I wouldnï¿½t trade anything for the opportunity to be a wife and mother.

A smile improves faces.

R-Rou | 8:53 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

U of U fan. That totally suggest a prejudice so you probably shouldnï¿½t be counted in matters that concern BYU. No offence, thatï¿½s just how I see it. No Iï¿½m not at BYU.

I don't get why... | 10:12 p.m. Feb. 27, 2008

...a returned missionary is pretty much considered a good husband? I'm no longer mormon, but even when I was some guys that came home were not necessarily good people/husbands, and those who didn't go were great men! Just because a guy is a returned missionary, it does not mean anything in that regard. A good PERSON makes a good mate.

Dennis | 6:03 a.m. Feb. 28, 2008

A good missionary usually makes a good husband because they are devoted to the cause that they are involved in. You certainly dont have to be a missionary to be a good person. There are lots of missionaries who miss the point of their 2 years and go home the same lazy, immature, unfocused, selfish people they were before. A good husband is someone who learns, grows, prays and allows this huge spiritual and developmental experience to change their lives as much as it changes the lives of those whom he teaches. If he misses the point, he may as well have stayed home.

BYU girl | 3:01 p.m. Feb. 28, 2008

A wise bishop once told me that not all RMs are created equal- so true! So lets stop stereotyping- some of them are amazing, some of them leave a lot to be desired, a lot of them are in between. And for the record, BYU isn't perfect, but I love it here. I would rather deal with YouTube being blocked than walking in on roomates passed out drunk or in bed with a boyfriend every weekend.

Cougar fan | 4:45 p.m. March 3, 2008

I also love BYU. There are incredible people here, but there are sour apples in every bunch. You can find bad things here just as everywhere else, but why focus on the bad when there is SO MUCH good. I truly believe that we CHOOSE to make our lives what they are, so anyone who is not happy with where they are in their life (Sandra), they can DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Look for the good, surround yourself with things you love and people you love, and that's what life's all about. Also--just because someone served a mission does not mean they served. Sad to say, but there are some who just did the time. The RMS who really lost themselves in serving others are those who girls really want to marry.

Tim Alcoser, USMC | 7:38 p.m. March 9, 2008

I really enjoyed reading each and every one of these postings. I look forward to getting my chance at enjoying my stay at BYU after my tour of duty, or at least the Provo community (at UVSC's Aviation Science). It's always on my mind, and keeps me moving to the future. An organization that can do that without me even being a part of it means a lot, to me at least. That said, BYU to me, and what i've heard from friends, is what you make it, or anybody. It will give you each opportunity you need and/or want, and it's up to you to grab from the plate. I expect great things from this awesome university/community...even if it is like the movie Equilibrium, lol (j/k).

Lion heart | 12:11 a.m. July 21, 2008

Yeah!! BYU girls are the worst when it comes to dating. They treat guys as toys in search of their so called soul mate. They are stone cold heart breakers who takes pride to see number of guys burnt by their evil charm.

My advise to prominent guys out there soon joining BYU or studying at BYU, don't deteriorate your studies or life trying to find your soul mate. If she is out there and lord is in your favor, she will come to you sooner or later.

Lord have mercy on all those heart broken..

Add your comment

Comments are monitored. Any comments found to be abusive, offensive, off-topic, misrepresentative, more than 200 words or containing URLs will not be posted.

Words Remaining

E-mail address: For internal use only. We may want to contact you to publish your comment (not your e-mail address) in the newspaper or for a separate story idea.