Comments about ‘Adoption turns into nightmare’

If it's a nightmare for all the adults how do you think it will affect the child as it grows older? This kind of adoption should never have happened in the first place. They are all victims of their own greed and stupidity. Adopted children should have only one set of parents with no intervention or contact by birth parents. If intervention by birth parents is allowed then child support is also an obligation of the birth parents. This kind of adoption makes the adoptive parents care takers of a child rather than a parent. If the father did not agree with the adoption, or was pressured into the adoption, then he has the right to claim the child as his. Whoever legislated this adoption should have their credation revoked and be chastised to cover all the expenses of both parties. They really botched this one.

What is right for the baby? Doesn't he count? He has a loving home with parents who love him with all their hearts. The biological parents don't sound to stable. What happens when they get a divorce and the child will be left in a single parent home. If the biological parents didn't love him or each other enough to get married when he was conceived then what makes anyone think they will do any better in the future. They are selfish, selfish people who care more about themselves than their child. Anyone with a heart can see what the decision should be.

If the birth father wanted custody of his child, why didn't he make that known before the baby was placed for adoption? Once the child was in a loving home with two parents, he should have no rights. This beautiful baby boy should be left with his adoptive parents.

Why wasn't the birth father contacted prior to the birth, when the adoption was being planned? These things go badly, when the process forgets to include the birth father at the time of the papersigning. I have worked with adoption agencies that always seem to think these pregnancies are immaculate conceptions. They are not. There is a birth father somewhere and he ALWAYS needs to be included in the arrangements. These unwed girls and these adoptive parents need to know this LONG before any child is born or taken home. I'm sorry for the Nielson's predicament, but this should have been resolved 6-7 months ago.

This keeps happening. An adoption only to find out much later the father wants the baby. Why don't people bother to get the fathers signoff? Don't we learn from past mishaps, or is there something I am not taking into account?

Many of us are sick and tired of hearing about a birth father who has come in and botched an adoption! While it is true that the fathers should be involved in that decision, it is also not only true but a fact that these same fathers are the very ones who want nothing to do with any support of the mother while she is pregnant. Then they suddenly decide that a child is going to change everything and get them some attention in the process. If there were truly that much desire on the fathers part, it would not have even taken the 2 weeks it did.
There are too many couples out there who are CHOOSING to be parents, not falling into parenting irresponsbily! Leave the adopted children in the loving environment they are in!
We have all seen and heard of too many times this has happened and the child is ripped from the adoptive parents home then later not properly cared for.
To the fathers: Quit being selfish! Leave the child where they are loved!
If you play, you pay! It's not like you weren't aware of the birds and bees!

I will not mince words in this situation. The "father" had every chance in the world to be the father of this child. When he found out about the pregnancy, he should have married the mother and provided a family and home for this child of his. It is a telling sign when the mother says that she "hadn't seen him for the last few months of her pregnancy." It's obvious that he knew about the pregnancy. His choice to abandon this young woman to have this child by herself should be recognized for what it is... no further interest or claim to rights on this child. If he had been involved, none of this chaos would have ever happened. The mother was trying to do the right thing. Shame on this young man.

The birth father probably did not know about the pregnancy, let alone the birth as we men get our rights trampled on all the time. It should be the court's responsibility to contact the birth father whenever possible so this sort of thing does not happen.

What a nightmare! The baby should go back to the biological father, and the biological mother who has already revoked her parental rights should have visitation rights but not custody.

Bob G, Mary, It's not as simple as either of you (or I) would like it to be. Anyone who has been through adoption would know that.

My wife and I have been though this exact scenario with our adopted son. We were told the "birth father" had paid the birth mother to obtain an abortion and that he wanted nothing to do with the baby. In fact, no one could even find the birth father - supposedly he moved out of state. She terminated her rights and the placement took place. Two weeks before the adoption was to become final the birth mother looked at the picture that we were required to send her of the baby and "realized" the birth father wasn't who she first said. She then contacted the birth father - who was in prison - and told him he was the father of a baby. At that point the birth father and his parents initiated proceedings to get the baby back. We won and his rights were involuntarily terminated, but it was expensive and painful. It took 18 more months to get the adoption finalized.

If the fathers cares sooooo much, why didn't he file BEFORE the child was born?
OUR LAWS NEED TO QUIT BAILING THE FATHERS OUT!!!! All birth fathers should be required to file before the child is born! Otherwise, NO OPTIONS!!!
However, it seems that more times than not the birth father doesn't get busted messing around until the proof is there, BABY. Then it is his parents who want him to go after the baby!
The loving couples who give so much to make a family through adoption should NOT have to continue to pay! Otherwise our adoption system will be as credible as our politicians!
Same old story: good thing ruined by a few!

I completely disagree with most of the comments on here. The birth father has the right to raise his child, if that is what he chooses to do. If he was not aware of HIS child being set up for adoption, then that is the fault of the adoption agency, not the father. And in this article, it seems to clearly state that the mother did not have contact with the father during the final few months of her pregnancy, so I'm sure he knew nothing of the adoption. The comments that say he is being selfish, and that he won't be a good father because they had this child out of wedlock, these comments are judgemental and typical for the state of Utah. Wake up, get a clue!!! THIS IS HIS BIOLOGICAL CHILD!!!

A couple of more comments please from one who has been through this.

It's usually the birth father's parents that try to prevent these types of adoptions. They think they are going to make their son be responsible and take care of the baby he fathered. Or, more likely, they are the ones that end up enabling their son's behavior by raising the baby themselves. I'll bet the farm that the birth father in this story is being pushed by his parents to prevent the adoption.

Another likely scenario is that he (the birth father) is using the baby to try to retain some sort of control or contact with the birth mother.

One last comment - any of you who don't like the adoption laws need to participate in the political process and make your voice known. I'm sure that whatever is happening is this case is entirely legal. Fair for the child? Probably not. Legal? Probably so.

I've been long frustrated by the adoption laws in most states. Unfortunately not enough people usually speak up to get attention on the matter so the laws can change.

This continues happening in too many states!
These fathers need to wake up. A child is not like the puppy or kitten you wanted when you were young, then didn't take care of when it grew to be a dog or cat! A child is a life long responsibilty, which adoptive couples have considered and chosen. He too will grow and not always be so small and sweet as he is now. There will be trying days. He will grow to have an opinion and share it often. He will talk back, break your belongings and be dishonest. All the while not being as easy to ignore as your dog was!
Kids are GREAT and I wouldn't trade mine for anything! However, some days are difficult...and this is a decision I made intentionally, you didn't!
Shame on your parents for always giving in and getting you whatever your little heart desired with no responsibility to show for it!

These botched adoptions happen because states like Utah and Idaho don't take reasonable steps to protect paternal rights. The father should have just as much legal right to the child as the mother.
The birth mother doesn't have to "register her interest" in the child's life with the state. The child isn't going anywhere without her say-so. But for some reason these basic rights don't apply to the father. The mother has to take action to give the baby away, the father has to take aciton to keep it.
No matter what you think of the moral circumstances of the pregnancy, the father still has rights to his child. I feel for the adoptive family, and can't even imagine what they are going through. But if the father didn't agree to the adoption, the right thing to do is to give the baby back, not start a legal defense fund. They need to adopt another child, and make sure the adoption has the blessing of BOTH parents.

Instead of this couple spending all their money on attorneys, why don't they just give the baby to his father?

What kind of a person keeps something that doesn't belong to them? If I find a diamond ring, and someone claims it--is it still mine?

These people are selfish, they need to let this child go back to his father--it's ridiculous that he has to fight at all.

What they have done is taken a baby, just because you can't have your own doesn't mean that you can help yourself to someone else's child.

I'd like to help the natural father of this child. Why don't you publish his bank information in your article?

This couple's 'nightmare' is every adopted person's dream come true! Why not let this family that God created exist?

Give back his child!

It doesn't matter what religion you are... keep it in the pants, and your legs together until you are married! Look at all the heartache that 2 selfish unmarried people cause when they bring a child into the world! That's all it is...selfishness!! Satan wants you to think that sex is great and nothing is wrong with it before marriage.

Take it from a (MARRIED FOR 18 YRS) mom of 7...having children is not easy! I can't imagine ever doing this alone.

Grandparents shouldn't have to raise the child. Chances are that when the father gets the child, he'll goo-goo and ga-ga over him for a few months, and then the grandparents will end up raising him. See it all the time. So sad.

Unless you have been in both side's situation, you really ought not comment, as you cannot empathize.

My question is, if the birth father wasn't interested enough to have much contact with the birth mother during pregnancy, why does he suddenly think he has any rights to the child? I wonder if his parents are pushing him because they want their grandchild back. As far as I'm concerned, the grandparents shouldn't have rights. It's a hard line to take, but more often than not, I think they are the ones who are exerting the influence that leads to contested adoptions, not the birth parents. Let the people whose lives will be most affected make the decision--with parental input of course, but not to the point of taking it to court after the fact.

As someone who will adopt in the future, it sickens me to think that my baby could be taken away from me after me taking care of them for the first few years of their life. The baby would be mine. It would definitely be a nightmare.