Comments about ‘Make your marriage even better’

Where was this published? I found it interesting, but nothing really new here. We have known for years that the five big issues of disagreement for married couples are: 1) finances; 2) sex; 3) housework; 4) Inlaws/friends; and 5) disagreement over child discipline issues. We have also known for many years that it is the way these are resolved that are the key (see Gottman and a host of other scholars). While I have a great deal of respect for Dr. Cline, I don't see this research breaking much new ground. Marriage education is a valuable approach (see a meta-analysis by Hawkins), couples from lower income and challenging backgrounds are not very likely to participate (and are probably those in greatest need). Nonetheless, I appreciate the article and information.

"The husband may not be good at communicating but the wife is, which becomes a source of frustration to her because she wants to talk to him for hours and he is not a talker, Cline said."

That women are "better communicators" than men is a myth. Yes, it has been proven they talk more, but more words doesn't mean better communication.

Someone who uses lots of words but says nothing isn't a better communicator. Someone who punishes others if they don't say what they want, when they want, the way they want isn't a better communicator, they are a bully.

Men talk more to each other than to women because men listen to each other, but don't judge each other. "They should also use positive affirmation with their spouse. Criticism is a killer. "It has the power to really create problems in a relationship," he said."

Not to knock the research or article, but when I think of key issues or variables, I don't think of a list of 127 things. More like 5 to 10.

I have attended this weekend experience, and have to say it was profound. We came away changed and we felt like we were taking home a set of tools that would help us be a better, happier couple. I loved that fact that it was a private, couple experience, and it was so helpful to follow each presentation with an exercise in our hotel room where were actually worked on and discussed the aspect of marriage that had just been taught to us. This format continued through the weekend, so that by the end, we KNEW HOW to go home and be a better couple. Every couple should get to participate on this weekend--and I also was touched by the fact that leader couples donate all their time and that the cost of the weekend is the actual cost of the hotel room, meals, and supplies. What a tremendous experience!

Anyone who devotes time and resources to research and disseminate information to help improve marriages, should be applauded.

My wife and I also attended the M.E. weekend seminar over 10 years ago. It was the best investment I have ever made by far. I have to admit that I was skeptical but went anyway and the experience was life-changing. At the time there was no way of knowing that the things we learned at the seminar would help us through a very difficult time in our marriage.
Kudos to Dr. and Mrs. Cline and the other lead couples who do indeed donate their valuable time to these seminars. They also hold regular mini-meetings for attendees to polish their M.E. weekend skills.
I highly recommend this to anyone, regardless of whether your marriage is good or broken.

My wife and I went through years of counseling and after over 30 years decided it was time to end it all. Both and I mean both parties have to be willing to give, some a little more than others, but if one is unwilling to move then there is no reason to prolong the agony, after all the opposite of happiness is misery. We lived the tradtional LDS lifestyle, now I am in my second marriage and I wish I had found my present wife years ago, to love someone for who they are and not who you want them to be is true happiness, the rest will and does work its way out, but without true love there is no hope.

I agree with "Not Always". I was married for 25 years. We tried counseling but my husband was unwilling to give up the lifestyle he had recenlty started. I am very happy with my current husband. Life is the best its ever been. When I read that there are 127 points to keep a marriage happy.. that seems a little out of control. If I had to review that much in my relationship there weren't be time FOR a relationship. Marriage shouldn't be such hard work. A marriage to someone who truly loves and respects you, wants you to be happy and you feel the same for them, is the right choice. If marriage is difficult and hard and full of selfishness, it will never last.. and probably shouldn't.

"That women are "better communicators" than men is a myth. Yes, it has been proven they talk more, but more words doesn't mean better communication."

It has not been proven that women talk more than men. Recently a study came out that actually showed men and women talk about the same throughout the day. I wish I had a link to that information, because hard data is always better than conjecture.

What happens if you didn't love the person when you married him, and you ignored when he started calling you names in front of his mother even before the KNOT was tied? Red flags all over the place. Had twins right after, and though they are loved tremendously, the man who helped make them has nothing in common with their mother except for them. Conflict all the time, every day. How do you find love in something that is so........ broken? No respect; he thinks that he can say stuff and it can be easily forgotten and visa versa. I have somewhat little interest in fixing this, so how and where do you start? There has to be a basis of love and respect or it doesn't work. I had been in love before and lost him due to something so beyond my control that I could write a love story. I have been there and I know what love is. It cannot always work. It can work for those who have the foundation. Other than that, it is useless. My 2 cents.