Reader comments
Misperceptions about LDS singles discussed

The author of this story would gain so much more credibility on this topic if she had personal experience being single herself. You have to be single to really understand what the single LDS (or Catholic, or Protestant, etc.) are going thru on a week to week basis. I would believe everything she ever wrote if this was her situation. Having said that, this is an excellent article.

She used her sources well, though. You wouldn't expect every journalist who wrote about a microbiology discovery to also be a microbiologist. And you're right, the article was good.

I have a daughter who is 29, and from the time she turned 24 people have said over and over to me that she is "too pickey" Her comment to that is "Eternity is a long time".
Watching how she is treated within the LDS wards she has lived in, I think its amazing more of these singles don't leave their church. You can say they are too sensitive all you want, but watching it first hand is interesting.
We preach compassion, but we don't show compassion.

I was married 41 years and then my husband found a young divorced woman and wanted a divorce so he could marry her. I am and always will be active in the church and I go to the temple weekly. I got acquainted with a man my age who was 2nd counselor in a Branch Pres. and I thought we were getting married, but he led me on for 4 years. Now I doubt if I will ever look for another man to marry. I am putting in my mission papers and hope to serve my Heavenly Father from now on and not worry about the dating scene.

Brad: Go drink a Pepsi or something. You're really coming from the "other side" in your post, aren�t you! I understand the spirit of what you�re saying, though. You're out of this world.

Brad Prank - are you suggesting this woman was born married?! Surely she must have been a single adult at some time during her life.

to CTR:

You are generalizing quite a bit aren't you? Don't include me in your "we". I teach singles in institute every week. They are many ages. I don't think any less of the "30 something" singles than I do of the "20 something" singles. Being single is not a sin or in any way a failing. It is just a state of life. The spiritual level of a person is not a function of her or his marital status. Heavenly Father loves each of His children no matter what their status or station in life is.

Eternal marriage is an important and integral stage in all of Father's children's lives, but it is not the only stage and it does not alone lead to salvation and exaltation. It also does not happen on the same timeline for each child. Each will have an opportunity and only Father knows when that will happen. We all need to be patient and less judgemental of our brothers and sisters no matter what their marital status might be.

Its still a command to mulitply and replenish the Earth-- (have a family). Its still a sin to do so outside of marrage. How long is a person of 30 or higher going to wait? Childbearing years are numbered. Yes we have a daughter that is 30 and have talked to her about being way to picky. She only dates once maybe every year or two. Its our duty as parents to remind her of the Lords commandment and to do it with love.

to Matter of commands:

Our beliefs include the understanding that the earth and marriage are eternal. Maybe some of Father's children will fulfill this commandment in the eternities and not while they are in their mortal existence. This might explain some of the childless couples out their whom you seem to imply are violating God's commands.

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER IS MUCH SMARTER THAN YOU ARE. I was single up until I was almost middle aged. When I finally married the man of my dreams, I realized that God had made me picky for a reason. Not one of the men that I dated in the past would ever compare with my husband. I have not multiplied in any manner other than years and pounds. I am now enjoying wonderful adult step-children and the best grandchildren ever. I do not, in any way, feel that I violated any commandments.

I for one am delighted with sisters like Sheri Dew and Mary Ellen Edmunds who haven't married-yet. They show to the world that not all single women are some beastly reject. They are both spiritual, intelligent, attractive, delightful women. Pres. Monson did not serve a mission. What a comfort he must be to the worthy young men who cannot serve a mission because of physical limitations. He shows a life of service is more than just a mission. Sisters Dew and Edmunds show that service is more than marriage and motherhood.

Ever hear of "teach them correct principals and let them govern themselves."? At thirty it is not your duty to remind her. Maybe she is doing her best to find a husband and the time isn't right yet. Even if she isn't, it's her life and her choice, not yours.

to Another to Matter of Commands:

Here! Here! I am so glad to read your comment. I think your grasp of multiplying and replenishing is very refreshing. Don't ever let short sighted people lead to you selling yourself short. You are multiplying and replenishing the lives of yourself, your spouse, step-children and grand children. Multiplying and replenishing can relate to quality of life in addition to quantity.

"The author of this story" (Carrie A. Moore) is a reporter at Deseret News. Her marital status isn't relevant, so you must mean the author of the book in the story...

Even so, that woman (Mary Ann Rackley) IS single. The article identifies "A single LDS attorney (Mary Ann Rackley) and her married sister (Chris Falconer)" as the subjects.

Now, according to you, she has more credibility and you can believe everything she ever wrote.

I like the fact that this article and comments are geared towards single women. What about the single men who face even worse stereotypes in the church?

Single guys by the age of 30 in the church are considered "gay", or childish or too immature, or not responsible. Or you must be "creepy" or have some serious emotional issues.

As single guy myself in my late 30s, I can totally see why over 50% of 30-something singles in the church who were active at age 30 in a YSA Ward, go inactive in some family ward by the time they are 34.

Guys have it worse and often go inactive more so than the women. Locally here in SoCal, often guys are repeatedly turned down on dates by the single women in the church to the point the guys look elsewhere outside the church to women who actually appreciate them. Normal high-functional guys with college degrees and stable jobs with strong testimonies.

I personally would love to get married and have a family, and I have sacrificed everything for this church. But I realize that may not be a reality for me in this life.

As a YSA with all my older brothers and sisters married with children, I can honestly say the author of the article is correct. I have often felt like I'm not a "grown up" in my family because I'm not married. I know of some ysas that don't want to be in the ysa ward because of various reasons, and that's okay. I've always seen the bishops be fine with whatever ward is chosen.

Matter of Commands? - there IS a time that a parent should let go and let a child govern herself. She doesn't need her singlehood thrown in her face.

OC Surfer - guys at least can take the initiative. Girls are told contrasting things and have to deal with a weird balance of not being too forward and giving the man encouragement. You should ask women out. They'll always be flattered you thought of them.

I forgot to mention one thing - she's correct on another thing. My siblings always assume I'm not busy and ask me to baby-sit, when that is quite far from the truth. I am quite busy with work, school, hobbies and a social life.

Thanks for the article. The key I think is being assertive with the other adults who are married. Being single isn't a sin, it's a circumstance. The Lord expects us to focus on the most important relationship whether we are married or single...our relationship with Him. I'm still on the young side, but I have been single longer than anyone in my immediate family. Does that change how the Church affects my life? Not really. I learn the same lessons in Church, attend the same Temple, read the same scriptures, and follow the same prophet. We as singles are just as responsible to stop alienating ourselves from the married members of the church as they have their responsibility to stop judging us. Don't let them assume you're not busy, explain it to them politely and continue in your activities. Don't let them treat you like you are immature, but share your knowledge and God-given attributes with them. We talk as if there was a divide, but even when you are married, salvation remains up to the individual. :)

It's about time someone gave the right perspective. I appreciate hearing that single people are not unhappy or fretting their marital status in life. Most of the articles I read portray single people like that. I cringe reading them because I simply cannot relate. What is there to be disappointed in? That would be saying you aren't grateful for the life you have been given.

As a 33 year-old female, it's no big deal to not be married. My life is full of stuff going on. I haven't found my man. We'll meet one of these days. I feel blessed to have time to develop myself in other ways and serve those around me. I know my marital status will change all in the Lord's wise time so there is no reason to worry or feel not a part of the mainstream group.

I think many of the ideas brought up by the speaker, Mary Ann Rackley, are spot on. I was single until my late 20s, married, and now I'm divorced and not necessarily of my own choice. If you think the bias against singles is hard to deal with, just compound that by the words "failure" and trying to talk to members who don't know how to relate to you and were not part of the ward that I lived in when the divorce became a reality. Looks of pity come often. It was difficult dealing with it. My attendance and weight have both suffered. I am now attending an older single adult ward, where single sisters outnumber the men. It is, at times, a sorry sight to see. I see many members who pour their heart and time into their callings simply because their is nothing else to occupy them. The culture here in Utah is either geared towards families or (and this is only in the last 10 years) rebelling against the family status. Once you are past the average college age of mid-20s, you are looked upon as a lost or foundering ship.