Reader comments
Little redress available for 'support' spouses

So, it seems typically spouses (typically women??) are far too trusting and put aside their own well being and future prospects for their partners benefit.

If I were starting a job I would expect the rights and responsibilities of both parties to be set out in black and white.

Perhaps it is time to become that frank.

It feels different to a pre-nup (which seems to me like a document for failure) in as much as a written confirmation of a conversation signed by both parties is just a hard copy of something agreed between the couple.

Plus - "support spouses" should consider that their progression is as valid as their partners and perhaps it is better to stumble thru University together than have one person hold all the financial cards later on.

If a person puts another person through School at the Cost of their own Education then it is their own fault. In reality they have traded their education and career opportunities for consolation prize of being supported. This is their choice. During the time of work and struggle and barely if not making ends meet, there usually comes Children. No matter how little time there appears to be there is always time for that. By the time the person getting the Education gets finished. He/She has far surpassed the person supporting them and functions on a whole different social experience. In short the are "No Longer Equally Yoked." Sometimes there are other reasons as in the Educated person does not want to pay the Bill. The other person is considered "to old for college" and then there�s the Children. Also the Reality my set in that the reason for going to College was to find a Husband/Wife. The Eternal Marriage has become the Eternal Buffet. Age and Attitude towards life and how the uneducated person handles the Social Reality and is viewed by the Educated Persons Peers. Like the Lawyer Lady said Get it in writing.

It seems to be almost like cheating. Saying you are going to support the other person and then when the time comes not doing so. Sweetheart Letters from the Mission Field do not a contract make. Just a way to pass the time on P Day and hope and dream about what is going to happen after the Mission. Same thing happens to People in the Service. Or for that matter away at College. Now with the invention of the Cell Phone there is No Break. How do you meet new people when the old people keep calling you, and if they don't answer they get in the Car to come check on them. Or call the institute and have them checked on. Also some parents won't support their kids through School if they get Married. In a faith group where there is No Single Sex or Sex Before Marriage that could make a person 27 or 28 before having Sex and that is way abnormal. Add 3 years more if we are talking about a female. So people Merry Struggle and then grow apart. Legal agreements are always in Writing.

Because of the high divorce rates, I have seen that spouses are not as willing to invest in the other spouse's education. Instead both spouses go to school and they go deeper in debt, with a greater likelihood of financial stress and divorce. It would be good public policy to give greater protection to the spouse who helps the other one get an advanced degree. Jackie de Gaston

Sometimes there is no justice. This marriage must have been in trouble long before the actual divorce. It isn't fair for the supported spouse to walk away after the investment of all the sacrifices of the working wife. The courts are not the place for change. It lies in the legislative system. Who advocates for cases such as this? By rights, what should happen is for the now "Dr" husband to make amends and put the wife through school for her to be compensated. Why did he wait so long to walk away? It is obvious. Last I knew Utah is not a "community property" state either. See how behind the laws are? It is a sad commentary. There appears to be biases in favor of men, but who would admit it, the lawmakers? Yeah, right. Then, there are those "dead beat" dad's too. I would only hope this wife gets some kind of alimony to help her get ahead. Morally that is the RIGHT thing to do, but who said it was enforceable? Maybe she could go to law school and become an advocate for women's divorce rights....Good luck with the civil suit sweetie.

OH bother get married stay married or don't get married at all. Like married couples draw up contracts. give me a break, that's one foot out the door already.

So he left her right after he finished Medical school? How do you spell U-S-E-D? When you're married, it makes sense that you sacrifice for both your goods. He should not get off scott free for that. No one that does that should!!!

When you live in a society where individuals are so self absorbed and value money, fame, success, power, career and celebrity above all else, what do you expect to happen?

They don't even realize how discriminatory they are to married women. It's in lots of ways. When we moved here from CA several years ago - the mortgage agent didn't bother to run my credit and put my name on all the paperwork. He quit-claimed me on to the deed afterwards. He didn't ask us if that would be ok, and we didn't find out until we went to the escrow office to sign the stack of papers. So my name wasn't on the mortgage, and the mortgage company wouldn't talk to me when I needed to make sure they'd received our payment. I was so mad - I'm the one who takes care of the bills and everything. We've since moved again - you can bet it didn't happen again but that's ridiculous.

A wife who puts her husband through college and then is immediately divorced has been had - and the courts should help.

In a society where vows, covenants, and promises are considered superfluous, we will continue to live with broken hearts and high rates of divorce. Until the courts recognize that promises made in a marriage are as binding as written contracts, families will suffer. Until churches, professions, and employers frown upon those who do not honor their marriage vows, these unjust practices will continue. One who earns a professional degree - but has not the integrity to keep the sacred vows and promises made in a marriage - may be financially wealthy but a mere pauper in character value. The spouse who maintains her integrity and her dignity in the face of evil can enjoy peace, even in a broken heart.

That is sad that someone can get left out in the cold like that. It is way past time to change the laws on this. Supporting someone through college has value.

I ended up paying alimony despite that I consistently requested that my ex-spouse go to school and pursue her dreams. She was always asking what I thought, hoping that I would say, "You should stay home with the kids and let me go to school." I never said that and even went to class for her before she dropped out.

Despite all that, I'm paying alimony. As soon as I finished my Masters degree, she asked for a divorce. There is another side here. That is the side that is looking for a free ticket and one that the court system should evaluate. A lot of educated, higher earning women and men are being taken advantage of by spouses who refuse to go to school and then divorce expecting a payout.

If someone refuses to pursue a career and either tries to leave and sue or otherwise, that's their problem.

I had a friend (male), who worked very hard, high school graduate who ended up making pretty good money despite the fact he had no additional education. As soon as he started making money, his wife divorced him so she could get as much as possible.

Woe to the man or woman who forgets that the fundamental earthly nature of a marriage is a business arrangement. It always has been, we've just forgotten.

Of course few couples think about prenuptial agreements because it seems to imply lack of trust in the relationship which they believe will last forever. This applies to all financial aspects. It may make sense, but many argue this smacks of planned divorce. "What do you mean you don't trust me to provide, etc."

There should be enough evidence in the facts. Tax returns, income verification, who paid the bills, who attended school, at what cost was the education? This alone should be adequate to prove the verbal agreement. Making the assumption it is the woman, as it most often is, the husband/graduate should be expected to pay the way for the wife to complete her education to the same level if that is desired, including child care so that the spouse can then "get back on her feet" at an equal footing to his, should she desire this. If she decides to be a teacher instead of a doctor, that's fine, but he should pay the way for her to accomplish this, even at this later date, so she too can have a career that brings her satisfaction and joy just as he has. Laws/decisions should reflect this.

The only people who REALLY know what a divorce is actually about are the two people involved. Of course, most will not reveal their own contribution to the breakup, but the truth is they are usually BOTH at fault. Sorting that out is not easy. Nobody has anything to gain from admitting the truth.

Having said that, it is also the case the MOST of the time the WIFE is the one who works to support the HUSBAND through school, and most of the time it is the WIFE who gets left on the curb when the husband gets the parchment and starts making good money!

This is because most men are such selfish, unethical jerks! (Don't get mad at me, I'm just telling you what the statistics say!)

If men had any honor and decency at all, THEY would make sure the person they have exploited is taken care of! Anyone who fails to do that is less than vermin in my opinion.

You never know what the one in education went through. Plust the fact he's probably 250,000 in debt. I think this article is bunk and un-objective. I'd like to hear his side to the story. Maybe she's been a complete pain in the neck, making his life a living world of domination and hate. Utah women need to get off their reclining leather sofas and work like Eve did. When God said by the sweat of thy brow thou shalt eat bread, he wasn't just talking to Adam. If she would have treated him a little nicer nd quit blaming all her problems on him and pursue her own education, she would have been much better off. Let her learn from her mistakes as opposed to taking it to the Utah valley authority.

It seems 30+ years ago it was the "norm" for women to stay home to nurture the children and tend the home fires; and men to go to college and bring home the financial support for a family. Times have changed. Women need an education, perhaps even more so than men, as they seem to be responsible for the children after a divorce. Women's contributions in the home and as a support for their spouses MUST be valued, respected and compensated! This woman deserves a college education funded by her ex-husband!

David Smith says that "When God said by the sweat of thy brow thou shalt eat bread, he wasn't just talking to Adam". Indeed. The hubby may have earned his degree by the sweat of his own brain, but the degree was PAID for by the sweat of his wife's brow. If we're going to bring divine commands into this, then the hubby needs to implement the golden one - do unto others as you HAVE HAD others do unto you. Pay for your wife's schooling!

The agenda of this article is obvious when you look at the material facts that were "omitted" by the reporter. How exactly did the wife support the husband in school. Typically, a doctor comes out of med school around $200,000 dollars in debt for tuition + fees. If she was earning enough money to pay all of their expenses, then she can't really claim to be financially needy.

Most probably, her support was in the form of child care, cooking, and maintaining the household. If that is the case, she should just be thankful that her name doesn't appear on those student loan papers.

In today's world, the degree is probably still not paid for. There is likely a large debt waiting to be paid. That rightly belongs to the person who got the education.

I know few couples who the person getting the degree does no income-producing work, usually he/she holds some sort of part-time job while attending classes. Also, the majority of couples I know in this community who are young married students with a child or two are receiving some sort of state aid in the form of subsidized housing, child healthcare, and food assistance. I'm just saying it takes a community to educate the population and divorcing couples may place a heavier burden on society. The single mother has access to housing/food/healthcare assistance, daycare, and grants.

Let's look at what's really going on. The model of the sole-support wife paying all the bills and managing the house and kids while hubby goes to school on their dime is as out-dated as the man coming home after 9-5 to the little woman in heels and an apron serving a gourmet meal.

With bankruptcies and welfare, nowdays it's society that foots the bill for so many divorces after "the early years."