Deseret News | Reader comments: LDS women told to reach out

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BYU Women's Conference: LDS women told to reach out

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Lisa | 6:48 a.m. May 2, 2008

Wonderful, uplifting article! Makes me what to be and do better!
Thank you!

TheMadNuker | 7:33 a.m. May 2, 2008

Sheri: Your words ring out in pure truth. No one is
greater than the other,and the empty promises of the
world are just that, empty. There is nothing as
beautiful as a rightous,and intelligent lady. I would that more could see these simple truths.

jr | 8:19 a.m. May 2, 2008

How much money does she make as CEO of Deseret Book. Women need to be educated so as to be prepared for the unforseen divorce, widowhood etc. Sounds a bit like Warren Jeffs beliefs of controlling the mind of women through the spirit. Women can be fulfilled with life when balanced but to dwell in one area is allowing weakness in others. Get rid of the pills and guilt and be yourself and live your life according to your heart and mind. Don't allow others to influence you when they don't walk in your shoes.

Comments continue below

re: jr | 8:41 a.m. May 2, 2008

Good point !

To: Jr | 8:56 a.m. May 2, 2008

I believe that the statements made were about happiness through Christ not about mind control through the spirit. I love how you twist her comments and then add the remark assuming that all LDS women are on pills and feel guilty. I can't understand why people always want to take one persons issue and spill it over into a particular group and state that all of them have the same problems.
Im LDS and I have pretty much always walked to the beat of my own drum, which yes may have been a little different from others in my religion, but I know from my heart and mind what influences are pure and those that kill the soul.

Freedom | 9:11 a.m. May 2, 2008

Here's an idea...how about we LDS women, all women for that matter, think for ourselves. Novel thought, huh?

I don't need a man OR another woman telling me what to think.

Thanks jr | 9:33 a.m. May 2, 2008

As for me, NO MIND CONTROL HERE! I will make up my own mind daily and do what I want. You women need to stop all the antidepressants, live a happy life and be nice to others. Take off the grumpy frowns and adjust the position of your nose as well---not to high now!

Sally | 10:04 a.m. May 2, 2008

It's about time that we "reach out". We've got to stick together sisters!!!!!!!!! Also, polygamy is bad.

Contradictions | 10:05 a.m. May 2, 2008

The funny thing about this talk is that it contradicts almost everything else in Mormon culture. The church and church related entities like to parade around women (and men) who have done all of these things outside the home that Ms. Dew says are not the most important. They talk about how wonderful they are because they have done all these (seemingly unimportant according to her talk) things and are still such good people and we should want to be like them.

So many of these decisions are personal decisions and have little or no relation to a person having a relationship with God.

Women should make their own decisions about how they want to spend their time and money. The focus should be on helping women develop a relationship with God and then they can make their decisions with this personal relationship in mind. It seems like she is too focused on trying to make everyone fit a certain mold. This just does not work for everyone. Those who naturally fit the mold love it but everyone else is alienated. Many good people are just not interested in trying to fit this mold they have created.

RE: Thanks jr | 10:19 a.m. May 2, 2008

Yes, because listening to someone encouraging a more fulfilling lifestyle is mind control. (?)

Ultimately... | 10:45 a.m. May 2, 2008

All Sister Dew is trying to get across is that after we develop a personal relationship with Christ (notice I said personal, not public) we can determine, with the Lord's influence, what it is that we should focus on in our lives.

Melissa | 10:53 a.m. May 2, 2008

I appreciate the thoughts of this article. The older I get the more I realize happiness comes from working for things of value to me.

I value education more than recognition. I value my children more than money. I value my relationship with my husband more than I value self-indulgence.

This is about recognizing what is of the greatest value and giving that the greatest priority.

Wow | 11:00 a.m. May 2, 2008

I read an article and the comments on it from the SL Tribune and thought it was worse than the comments on articles in the Deseret News, but I guess not. I am a single, very active older LDS woman and I have met Sheri Dew. She is one of the most humble, intelligent, educated and successful women I have ever met. She doesn't dwell on her unrealized dreams and desires ( and she has at least one big one), she goes out and bears her testimony to others and works hard in all her responsibilities.

All those who think what she was saying is mind control need to get a life. You ahve no idea what a wonderful, powerful woman is....

Great Men and Women | 11:18 a.m. May 2, 2008

Ever heard President McKay's constant reminder, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home?" The church's stand that the family comes first applies to both men and women. No other organization holds the family with greater esteem. All other pursuits come second to the family, even the church itself. Is there a greater mold to fit than that of mother or of father?

God bless all of the mothers and fathers out there who know this to be your greatest role and contribution in this life. My greatest role models are my parents with titles such as baseball coach, barber, chef, artist, and many many more. My parents balanced skills aplenty and being their child, it mostly mattered with how it related to family life at home. They weren't perfect in anything but everything they aspired to blessed me. I love them for it and wish everyone could have such joy and fulfillment in life, including myself, still single and looking for the right woman who fits the not so common mold.

Read the article, again. Better yet, look up the talks from Women's Conference. Women are invited to reach their divine potential, is a mold

LOL! | 11:52 a.m. May 2, 2008

Geeze! The man knows it all! Good luck in finding an un-molded woman. Doubt you'll have much luck on a weird and molded post like this one.

Influence for Good | 12:40 p.m. May 2, 2008

It's sad that some people think that encouraging women to be an "influence to lift others" is a bad thing.

Makes you wonder who is influencing their lives.

Awe-inspiring Women | 1:07 p.m. May 2, 2008

Inspiring and empowering, urging women to influence many rather than to be influenced by the world. Wonderful words for wonderful women. Influencing others came up twice in the article. To ask the opposite of the points covered is really mind control, not to mention degrading to women.

How can anyone discredit the instruction to cultivate oneself, but efficiently so, while serving others, to love and be loved, and to be true to your unique qualities as women instead of seeking to be men. What other pursuit is more important than a successful mother in raising the next generation? Hope you all have a happy mother's day.

Naysayers haven't given one specific example of anything in the article that was bad advice for women, nor have you given any better vision. Your claims have been as empty as the worldly mold you advocate.

Billy Bob | 1:34 p.m. May 2, 2008

I think it's so groovy now
That people are finally getting together
I thinks it's so wonderful and how
That people are finally getting together
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend

I knew a man that I did not care for
And then one day this man gave me a call
We sat and talked about things on our mind
And now this man he is a friend of mine
Don't be afraid of love
Don't be afraid, don't be afraid to love
Everybody needs a little love
Everybody needs somebody
That they can be thinking of

I love that song.

KD | 3:34 p.m. May 2, 2008

I have read all of these blogs and found like in everything else #1 not matter what you say or do people are going to be negative #2 too many people don't have anything better to do than criticize.
Now lets talk about mind control...boy that Satan sure has control of some peoples mind, doesn't he.

gloria | 4:14 p.m. May 2, 2008

I think it was a good reminder to use kind words and a gentle voice in our homes. That was one of my new year's resolutions. Most days I'm rushing the kids and forgetting my manners.

Inspirational talks are good for the human spirit. I'm thankful for good insight and the wisdom of others. No one can make it here alone. And, no one controls my actions.

Anonymous | 4:32 p.m. May 2, 2008

Billy Bob...that is better than the Rawhide song someone made up.

kiwi | 4:43 p.m. May 2, 2008

Today my 40 year old unmarried & LDS less active son returned home and announced that after years of listening to others in his line of work (the movie & television industry) criticize "Mormons" he decided it was time to stand-up for his religion & set the record straight. To a film producer, he told that though he (my son) wasn't practising his religion at this point in time, he valued its principles, & after observing for years many of the other life-styles of his colleagues, would never trade what he could have as a "Mormon" for theirs. He says he has never felt so good in a long time. He was doing what Sister Dew, in her talk, was encouraging women (& men) to do, - using his influence to define himself as distinct & happy, rather than allowing others to label him. My son didn't need to read Sister Dew's talk, yet he obviously was of the same mind. "Mind control!" Whatever!! I suspect there'll be a whole heap more respect happening in my son's place of work. Jr & Contradictions, get a life!

mom in orem | 4:55 p.m. May 2, 2008

Thanks Sister Dew!!! I loved your comments. I am glad that I can stay at home and be a mother. It is not always the easiest thing to do but its worth every minute of my sacrifice...especially when my children say thank you or give me a hug. Thanks for always inspiring me to stand up to the worlds voices and be a stay at home mom. I love you!!!

Mom of sister missionary | 5:18 p.m. May 2, 2008

Hello, "Great Men and Women" - maybe you could meet my daughter when she returns in August! :-)
She too was raised to believe in comments such as Sis. Dew's; and as we live far, far away from Utah, I don't think she fits any "mold"...

HRCS | 5:31 p.m. May 2, 2008

Thanks Sherry for your inspired words...I am a convert to the Church ..I watch my 6 children grow...enjoy every little miracle of their learnings...crying with them, laughing together..didn't finish college,love my life...And I knew in my heart that if I ever needed to work...My Heavenly Father will provide for me if I did What He wanted me to do..HE DID.. My life of doing my best to represent my Savior in actions and feelings,has been for the teachings, The Word,the Revelations in the Last Days through Our Prophets and leaders...from ordinary people who understand the beauty of Loving and Knowing Our Father and Our Savior..I served a Mission,What a Journey !!!and I am getting ready for another one.....and My children and grandchildren go with me...in my heart..I learned...the more humble we are the more we learn.. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God,and His righteousnes;and all of these things shall be added unto you".. Mat 6:33. We need to be reminded..I do..because the adversary works 24 hours a day and it is easy to leave the narrow path...I welcome all the help I can get...........
Going to the Temple open the windows of knowledge...My Plan becomes Real... Thanks again Sherry

Bruce | 5:57 p.m. May 2, 2008

Let's see now..."polygamy is bad" but we want to make it to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom. Sorry sisters, read your scriptures a bit more carefully...it's one or the other.
I'm sure the G.A.'s would love to shove that one under the rug. I can hear them now..."oh..er..uh, that will only be in the Celestial Kingdom and the whole thing here was just a "test" from the Lord." What a crock. "Think for yourself (but be "obedient")". I just can't imagine why Utah women have the highest rate of depression.

MB | 6:19 p.m. May 2, 2008

Yesterday, when at the Conference and listening to Sheri Dew speak, the Spirit was so strong. I know she was speaking truth. As she said , some women are ready to pounce on a speaker if the speaker doesn't say what they want to hear. I am a convert to the church and I LOVE the Gift of the Holy Ghost. He teaches all truth. He testified to me of the truth of what Sheri Dew said.

A Man's view. | 7:27 p.m. May 2, 2008

Sheri Dew is an incredible symbol of the potential of anyone to fulfill their purpose in life, regardless of the situations they face. She is an inspiration.

There are not enough people making a positive difference in this world. Thanks, Sheri. Keep it up - you are making a tremendous difference to millions.

It takes courage to stand for the clearly more important responsibilities in life. I take great courage from your words to be a better person.

I feel great knowing that you are an example of what is possible for all of us, if we can get our heads above the clouds and show similar courage and fortitude.

Encouraged | 1:00 a.m. May 3, 2008

Sheri Dew's talk was certainly NOT about mind control. She's all about encouraging women to be their best without falling for all the crap society feeds us. Nothing wrong with that. That's why self-help books sell so well. Sometimes we just need someone like her to put it all in perspective.

To Bruce: | 1:14 a.m. May 3, 2008

Do you have any clue what you're talking about??? What the heck does polygamy and the celestial kingdom have to do with Sheri Dew's speech or modern-day Mormonism, for that matter? Maybe you're the one who should read the scriptures. Mine clearly states that God does expect obedience to his laws, and he's sent us a prophet and, your words not mine, "G.A.'s to help us along the way. Clearly, all of us, including Mormon women, can choose to obey those laws or not. I don't call that mind control. I call that CHOICE. And by the way, the only thing that I find "depressing" are brainless comments like yours.

True Blue Through and Through | 5:40 a.m. May 3, 2008

Too bad the Mormophobes can spew their venom here. If they had their way, Sheri Dew would encourage women to throw off the shackles of organized religion, start doing what makes them feel good at the moment, watch more lascivious movies, wear provocative clothing, loosen up by drinking and smoking, concentrate on career success rather than on service to others, get 10 piercings per ear and two per nostril and four or five others, live with a guy to see if they're sexually compatible, stop reading scriptures or listening to time-honored advice about how to live a more fulfilling life, and murmur against and criticize leaders who are doing their best to emulate Christ. No, I think I prefer what Sheri Dew actually said -- live right and serve others through your example and sharing your convictions that the Gospel brings happiness.

kt in FL | 7:29 a.m. May 3, 2008

I live outside Utah, am an active LDS woman serving in responsible callings in the church, have had a career outside our home for the past 15 years which was necessary for our family's temporal needs. I have found that quietly living my beliefs, setting an example for happiness and sharing the gospel when asked about it brings understanding and acceptance. Serving others is the greatest things we can do for it will bring questions and greater respect for our beliefs. I work with 5000 people in a large health care system who are not member of the LDS church. They share confidences with me, ask for advice with family difficulties, and ask me to pray in senior level board room meetings and staffing meetings when they feel that greater help from Heaven is needed in the making of business decisions. This has been a great honor for me to work among so many who are gradually learning about The Church through my example. Bashing with Bashers will accomplish nothing except greater discord and misunderstanding. Let's not buy into Satan's plan to bash but to live as we believe and accomplish the greater good.

KH | 7:42 a.m. May 3, 2008

I find it incredibly interesting that people who do not know Sheri Dew feel entitled and obligated to interpret her remarks and life for others. I am equally fascinated that I am considered "molded" when I grew up and lived away from areas with high LDS populations and in a non-LDS family, and have found the principles in this article for myself to be truth and the best choice for a happy life. And since when did initiating conflict and contention cause anything good to happen? I think Thumper's mother had it right all along - "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all!" The fact that we breathe does not give us the right or privilege to be disrespectful - ever. Spend some time with these ideals and concepts before you throw them aside. No confirmation of truth comes without trying the truth honestly for longer than a minute. These principles are not about being Mormon or LDS - they are about being the offspring of God and meeting that potential. Spend at least as much time being positive and supportive as negative and be amazed at the difference in your life! Have a wonderful day!!!

mamaoften | 7:53 a.m. May 3, 2008

This was a beautiful article. I appreciate Sister Dew's insights and her influence. Thanks so much!

Eastern Observer | 7:56 a.m. May 3, 2008

1) I love Sister Dew.
2) I wasted a lot of time and tears fretting over how I was thought of by a "stay-at-home or burn" woman who moved into our ward from Utah when my children were young - and I was only working 3 hours a day while my youngest at the time was in pre-school! I knew what my patriarchal blessing said both about family responsibilities and about maintaining my professional skills and using them to serve others throughout my life. I also knew our family budget. Yet I let this woman give me a big guilt trip about my "disobedience" in working outside the home. Over the years I've only worked as much as necessary (not at all when possible), seeing the kids out the door in the morning, and usually arriving home around the same time they did in the afternoon. Guess what? They are now in their late teens and early 20's and have all turned out fine. Good for you if you can afford not to work at all, but don't preach at those of us who can't. If you must work, Heavenly Father knows your circumstances and will bless your best efforts.

for the women | 8:22 a.m. May 3, 2008

wow, people have too much time to waste?! I enjoy reading/listening to uplifting things and Sheri's article was surely one of them. How wonderful to want to achieve more in our lives and live a more full life. If you are already doing this, then take what she has said and grow more or just take is as her "opinion". Coming out and saying rude things about her is not a valid comment unless you have actually met the woman and know for a fact that what she is saying is a lie. Which I know it isn't. Women DO take a stand and we do stick together, as families. That is where all happiness begin! :o) I love being a mom!

I'll Add an AMEN To That! | 9:24 a.m. May 3, 2008

To "True Blue Through and Through", AMEN!

It baffles me how some people can call "evil, good, and good, evil".

To my faithful LDS brothers and sisters, keep the faith because the caravan moves on!

(And just in case there are non-LDS people who read my post who choose to be offended because it seemed "exclusive" or snobbish towards those not in the LDS church [and based on reading the comments on LDS-based stories, I'm sure there will be some].....Want to join us? You are certainly welcome!)

Thank You! | 9:54 a.m. May 3, 2008

Beautiful and inspiring words as always. Thank you Sheri!

Elsie | 9:59 a.m. May 3, 2008

Those who put down the positives of the LDS church are the ones who need it the most. They in their own way are crying out for help. I thrill to the words of Sheri Dew who has instilled in us by beautiful language a crystalization of our own resolves. Thank you for the spiritual fellowship.

To all whom are being spiteful | 12:16 p.m. May 3, 2008

It's not shocking that there would be negative responses but I just didn't expect it from LDS members themselves whom are still members. That's really sad you all choose to ignore this positive and very helpful and truthful message but just because you choose to ignore it doesn't mean that we should follow your beat to your drums either and that is what you that are being mean and spiteful have basically been saying. Maybe not realizing it but that is what your saying. Your saying that this woman is an brainwasher and she's not. That response on saying live and let live is what is going to be the whole down fall of this Satanistic world that we all live in today. It was well past time for this to me to be said frankly and I feel sorry for those of you that choose to ignore the words of the Lord and do whatever you want. The scriptures say that that will happen and people will choose to not listen and they'll leave. I just feel deeply saddened that those of you choosing that are also bad mouthing something positive and helpful and really does work.

To Melissa | 12:26 p.m. May 3, 2008

Thank you so much for saying that. Same here. I have taken slack from everyone men and women because I refuse to go outside the home and work. I tell them I do work I am working to take care and rearing up the next generation and that is very hard work indeed. I've heard all the endless badgering arguements on both sides of the fence. You can't take care of your family if you don't work. That is true but like Sis. Dew said it depends sisters on how we are looking at it. In our day in age we can do more than what our ancestors did. We can have the balance and take care of our selves and families by working at home. If we want to make an family business that's ok. The isn't against what the Lord saids and if your children are old enough they can help you with your work and it becomes an family thing. It can like she said be done. It just depends sisters on how you look at it and what your decisions of life are. So thanks again Melissa for saying that. Much appreciated.

Brenda | 12:37 p.m. May 3, 2008

Sheri Dew- I just love you. I wish I had your way of expressing myself. You say just the right things, just the right way!
Thank You so very much!

Nema | 12:54 p.m. May 3, 2008

To Amen,

Why in the world would we want to join YOU? Why would I want to be arrogant, and self-rigtheous, and condemning of others, and an elitist, and patronizing to others, and foist lies on people in an effort to get them to turn their money over to a Church that doesn't need anymore money?!

Do you want to join US? You are welcome to do so!

Lisa | 1:26 p.m. May 3, 2008

If you want to "work" inside the home, good for you, but stop lording it over those women who WANT to work outside the home! You are NOT more righteous than they are! You are NOT better than they are! They are NOT sinners and worldly just because they love to serve their fellow beings in a professional role, and they love to learn and grow in their skills and abilities, and they love to be compensated for it!

I know of so many women who think they are so righteous because they are "stay at home moms", but they really are never AT HOME! They run a home business (usually a MLM scam) which takes their attention away from the kids anyway. Or they volunteer in community work, or they immerse themselves in Church callings. All of this takes their time and attention away from the kids anyway. And besides, the kids turn 5 years old and go off to school, then these "stay at home" moms are staying at home for what?

The holier-than-thou attitude and the condemnation of women who work (career women, professional women) is the problem. You are wrong!

Gaggingongreenjello | 2:06 p.m. May 3, 2008

What is SAD is that certain people seem to think that they are the only ones qualified to influence anyone. This from the heart of the state ranked #1 8 years running for use of antidepressants. Maybe something is a little off here. Influence is good if the ones doing the influencing are good. Good is not ONLY defined as a member of the LDS church. For every comment you make that says only women who follow YOUR definition of 'WORTHY' are good, you are DAMAGING the self esteem of a young women.

Before you go telling the rest of 'womanhood' what 'good' is, you should look at the way you pass judgment on others. NOT GOOD.

Mother Theresa was 'good' without making speeches about her definition of good being the 'right one. She led by example. Just do it, the way you think it should be done, and let other women do the same. God gave them brains too, they don't need a clone of Sheri Dew's.

And no, I am not Catholic. I am just sick of people who think their way is the only way and everyone else gets to be on the 'unworthy" list.

Re: Eastern Observer | 2:08 p.m. May 3, 2008

I am one of those women that firmly believes we should be listening and doing what the leaders say. That is probably what this woman that went off on you was like too however like Sis. Dew saids you need to look at it right. You can't just jump into things because bills are everywhere. Maybe there is something else that can give or if you do have to work we live in an wonderful day in age like I said where we can work at home now-a-days having our own businesses. It will be more time consuming in the beginning getting it going but that doesn't mean that your family can't lend an hand with you in it. We as humans fear the unknown. We fear living homeless which is understandable but is it really the worse thing that could happen to us. Oh we say it's fine for the homeless because it suits them but not me. How is that fair and caring? I am just saying that there are other ways of doing things and working outside the home is not the only option just like Sis. Dew said. Please also keep that in mind. Thanks!

Re: Eastern Observer | 2:18 p.m. May 3, 2008

I also wanted to say that I totally understand that it is an persons personal decision to work. I agree with that completely and whole-heartedly but when people start dictating to the SAHM's that it is not right to stay home and you must work it poses an problem. This is why I love Sis. Dew's talk,speech,however you want to call it. I think she is right on the mark. It is wrong that we woman in the Lord's church are degrading ourselves and allowing the world to dictate to us what is and isn't. Yes, you are right Eastern Observer when you say that the Lord will provide but you forgot one thing. It's on the Lord's time not on ours. The Lord will take care of us all spiritually and temporally when we do what we are suppose to do. That is what the scriptures say. I just feel deeply disheartened to see so many women choose to ignore that and feel that it is more important to work outside the home then rear up the next generation rightiously. It's scary times we all live in but exciting and happy too.

Stand Immoveable Ladies | 2:35 p.m. May 3, 2008

We choose holiness over the world every time we walk away from clothes that are too short, too tight, too low, too high, too revealing, too anything that turns us into pornography. Every time we walk away from any media that drives the spirit away. Every time we walk away from jealousy or an unforgiving heart."

The notion that the world's most powerful women must have money, fame or a title, "is a big, fat lie! Sisters, we're smarter than this. We know too much to fall for Lucifer's lies. If the world can't look to us for a true definition of womanhood, where can it look?"

Stand immoveable Ladies | 2:37 p.m. May 3, 2008

Women often fall victim to lies that say men are smarter, have all the power and are more important, and that in order to have influence women must be more like men, she said.

Other misconceptions: that marriage and family are confining,; that motherhood is menial and a waste of women's best time and talent,; that women are perpetually frazzled; and that a woman's value is based on her size, shape and what she accomplishes outside the home.

Stand Immoveable Ladies | 3:06 p.m. May 3, 2008

"She urged women to make personal ministries of their lives, not by doing more, but possibly by "doing things differently. I am talking about focus and perhaps further consecration."

Maybe she learned some things from her being an CEO. Sounds like it to me with this statement right here so all of you calling her names and saying she's wrong in doing this and you know better than she does and know this and this get over yourselves and get a real life. You really don't have any clue what life is about until you try something you've never done that is positive out and you really should just stop while your not ahead. It's also very disturbing, saddening, and pathetic that you will take up your whole day just to bring others down to make you feel more important. Stop it and grow up. Some of us have given you positive advice in how to cheer up and have an happier life. This talk being one of them. If your not willing to take that advice and use it fine too but no one cares to read about your opinionated attitude so go away and get a life already.

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Stuart Johnson, Deseret News

Jan Larsen of Elko, Nev., left, and Utahns Susan Fuller of Eden and Bev Nelson of Kaysville make school kits at the annual BYU Women's Conference service project Thursday.

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