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At last — Mitt tackles top LDS issues

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Amused | 6:18 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Hee! I truly enjoyed your column. It was a great way to lighten the annoying weight this topic has recently seemed to garner.

Clayton | 7:05 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

What a refreshing break from the political wars.

georgiaonmymind | 7:24 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Hysterical! I loved it!!!!!!!!

Comments continue below

No One In Particular | 8:05 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Very Funny! Thanks for the laugh this morning...!

somewhere east of Utah | 8:39 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Was this supposed to be funny?

greetings from Graceland | 9:26 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

That was awesome and very funny.

manaen | 9:38 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

You left out the part where we just sustain Mitt as POTUS in General Conference instead of all that election-campaign messiness.

Ray | 9:45 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

The best "political" article I've read thus far. I am so tired of the recycled garbage. This was hilarious.

Ryan | 10:17 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Loved it! Nothing like humor to break-up an otherwise annoying situation!

From North Carolina | 10:22 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Very clever! Speaking from the Bible Belt of the southeast, I would love to see Mitt Romney in the White House. He would do for this country what he did for the Olympics and bring honesty, integrity and organization to our government.

West Coast | 10:31 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

This was funny. Way better than the Mormon restaurant thingy a while back. Great work, keep it up.

Boise Leon | 10:34 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

To Somewhere...
Yes, it was very funny. I thought at first it was going to be idiotic drivel from the anti crowd, but this is all inside humor that doesn't translate well when explained to an outsider. We do have a sense of humor and some of the funniest things we hear is when a non Mormon tries to tell us what we believe. It is sometimes hard to keep a straight face until we think of how sad it is.

Steve Dawson | 10:43 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

I've always known that humor is an excellent way of bringing people back to reality. This column is a classic, excellently written with great insight into both the Mormon culture and the misconceptions of those outside the faith. Great work. Show this to your boss next time you're looking for a raise.

campus man | 10:49 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Finally, someone takes a light hearted look at the madness. Thank you for making me laugh!

Anonymous | 10:52 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

I agree with no one particular. Was this supposed to be funny. Who cares. Hey Robinson, don't give up your day job as a comedian.

Anonymous | 11:34 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

To "east of utah" - I sent this link out to lots of my friends outside of utah but with a note to let me know if they didn't get the humor. There are so many things that we in utah take for granted. For example: the reference to 'church ball" is only funny if you've participated in "the church" basketball intramural program. It gets really intense and there is a T-shirt you can buy in SLC with a guy playing B-Ball wearing Football gear. And the reference to "last sunday of the month" is only funny if you understand the Home Teaching Program where each male in a "ward" (parrish) is assigned 3 or 4 families to visit each month. The men often wait until the last sunday of the month when their report is due. This is a great parody on a lot of cultural things that are unique to living "among the Saints".

Anonymous | 11:38 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Funny as all heck! I really enjoyed all of it.

Wayne Merritt | 11:53 a.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Fun to read. Nice humorous touch to an irritating issue.

What!? | 12:44 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

That was really LAMEf...

Anonymous | 12:48 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Isn't it interesting that when most people run for office, their morals, values, and integrity are all on the chopping block, to be diced up and examined. But when you have a guy running who has lived above reproach in those areas, a guy who would lead with integrity and honor...then: Oh, I know lets bash his religion we know nothing about. Too bad, our country could use some morals. Thanks for the laugh. Makes you realize how stupid the criticism is.

Funny | 12:52 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Very funny, Doug. See if you can teach Lee Benson how to write something humorous for a change. He's turned into such a Rocky A. liberal.

I loved it! | 1:35 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

This will make a good Thanksgiving conversation piece.

MoFo | 1:35 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Darn it all to heck, that was freakin funny as heck.

oh....how i miss good 'ol Utahr.

Pat | 1:44 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Thank you Doug. As mentioned by many, this was a great article to brighten up an otherwise bleak day. Keep up the great work.

Tiffiny | 2:26 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Mitt Romney has waffled on a couple issues, but aside from Ron Paul, I think he's one of the more qualified candidates. I'm no longer Mormon, but I remember the values they taught us. I've no beef with them--and I think they'd be GREAT for the oval office!!!

Funny article! I got all the inside jokes except for the last Sunday of the month one...

Hal M. | 2:29 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

This is not a laughing matter. I am appalled that such an article would be published that makes light of this very serious situation.

How dare the DN publish this! How dare the LDS church allow the DN to publish this! How dare Mitt Romney allow the LDS Church to allow the DN to publish this! How dare Jesus allow Mitt to allow the Church to allow DN to publish this! How dare God allow Jesus to allow Mitt to allow ... I've lost track.

But I am appalled! And offended! and outraged! and belittled! and Shamed! and ... and...

Ah, heck, good article...

RockOn | 3:18 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Just returned from DC. Spoke with a top policy advisor who is also LDS. He said the vast majority of GOP congressmen are endorsing Mitt.

So I wondered, "Can he really win?" And the advisor (not with Mitt) thought it very possible.

So... I wondered, if Mitt Romney became president won't we have something we've never had before. All other presidents belonged to religions that didn't have tight congregation boundaries. Now, think about that:
1. What Ward would POTUS be in?
2. Will he have a calling? Primary teacher? Imagine the Saturday super activity.
3. Will he be a Home Teacher and have a home teacher?
4. Could he be in the same ward as Harry Reid?? If so, might Harry Reid be Mitt's HP group leader??
5. Could Harry be Mitt's junior (or senior) companion?

One nice thought is if they're in the same HP Group won't that mean they're going to have to learn to be nice to each other? Not speak ill of... Hmmmm. This actually could be a VERY good thing. Majority Leader and President from different parties being on cordial terms.

Good job Doug.

Got one for ya, Doug....... | 3:23 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

No 13. If elected, will your Secret Service detail find it difficult guarding you at your inauguration ball?

Not at all. With cameras mounted on top of each basketball rim and a secret service detail stationed on the stage, I should be OK.

Rich | 4:11 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Doug, thanks for the humorous article. I don't think the Deseret News did a service to us by publishing a link to the article, a link that made me think this was to be a serious article. It's a bit like a newsman writing a phony article on April Fool's Day -- it detracts from the paper's credibility. Again, I have no issue with your article -- I loved it, but the links to it ought to label it as humor. By the way, you readers who don't know, Mormons are assigned to visit members of their wards (parishes) once a month to check on their needs and to renew acquaintances. These "home teachers" are famous for procrastinating until the last day of the month, especially if the last day of the month falls on a Sunday.

Brother Joe | 4:45 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Love it. Thats the kind of writing that makes this fun. I don't think Mitt has much of a chance to get the nomination but I sure support him.

Jenny | 4:49 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Not funny. Didn't laugh once. Cringed a bunch, though. Please don't tell me this passes for humor. What is the world coming to.

Honestly | 5:44 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

The best thing in the paper today!

ron | 5:50 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

I am sorry but I had to go back after a few sentences to find out who was doing the writing. I thought it was ROCKON doing the writing. I like his humor and now he will see that he has competition. It is fun reading

APyp | 5:50 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

This article was so funny. It took me a minute to get out of my "serious-ready-to-talk-politics" mood, but what a great way to lighten up the "is he or isn't he?" religious speech debate. To Rockon: HAHA the questions you wrote are hilarious to think about. To Jenny: we are all so saddened at the loss of your sense of humor.

Funny Bone | 6:09 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Hey Rich - lighten up. Half the fun of articles like this is to start out thinking it's serious. I hate to think that DNews readers are so intellectually challenged they can't figure it out. We don't need no stinking "humor" link!!! Great piece!!!!

Mormon Tube | 7:11 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Hmmm, I wonder how fast it will take before we see Mitt's "Mormonauka" song on YouTube.

Jenny, was is wrong with you sista! It's called humor. Did somebody steal your DVD collection of Stake High Council talks? It's OK to laugh at ourselves because most people who don't understand the LDS culture think they know more about it than we do. But the jokes really on them. Especially when I hear so called authorities say that Mormons in Utah call nonbelievers, Gentiles. Now that's funny!.....What did you say Jenny? It's you that calls them Gentiles?

ArizonaMike | 7:16 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Great write-up! We'd better learn to keep our senses of humor or we're in for one long road ahead!

Derak | 8:35 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

This is great. (and I'm not being sarcastic) It's satirical in that no matter what Mitt does right or how much more management exp. he has than most the other candidates, his religion could keep him out of the white house. When you put these questions into the context of a joke, it shows how ridiculous it is that people keep asking them. For ex) some are such bigots they actually think LDS are satanists (the horns joke), and it doesn't matter that the church outlawed polygamy a century ago, people still imply he has ten wives. Also, if you are going to say horrible things about mormons, get your facts straight: Warren Jeffs is NOT the LDS church that Mitt is part of, so stop intentionally implying he is. This article makes me laugh at the allegations people imply about Romney because of his religion. Did anyone else get the joke about moving and Elders Quorum? That was funny, how do I transfer so I can help Mitt move? With Reid, his beliefs on abortion, stem cells from aborted fetus, and probably other things are against the church. The church doesn't censure him at all.

Daeyel | 9:12 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

If Mitt is elected:

Will the Secret Service have to guard (observe) the Sacrament preparations?

Will we have metal detectors and frisking of all before they enter the church?

Bomb sniffing dogs in the halls?

Stephen | 9:38 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Sweet jimminy Christmas that was funny. i almost thought it was serious... until the nit-wit comments.

silent majority | 9:46 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

I think I speak for all "outsiders" of the Mormon faith when I say this was really helpful in clearing up suspicions about the faith issue. Very in depth, and to the point.

Steven | 10:19 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Funny! Very well written! I do have one question though, as apparently I am not enough on the inside. What does the last Sunday of the month have to do with anything? I'm sure it's funny!

RockOn | 10:44 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Daeyel...

Bomb sniffing dogs... Just wait until they get a whiff from Sister Jone's twin 2 year olds diapers, and some curdled milk on a burp cloth. Of course the dogs will be too busy eating the Cheerios off the floor to notice.

And who gets to help explain Relief Society when the First Lady attends. Hope they bring a lace table cloth.

Yep | 10:56 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Hi, I just wanted to say that I think Harry Reid is LOSING HIS MARBLES. Good job, Doug. I appreciate your article.

Washington Post | 11:23 p.m. Nov. 20, 2007

Someone from the Romney campaign should take this "article" and publish a full page humorous ad in a leading paper that would disabuse any sensible person of the inflated issues circulating around the religion. Humor is a great approach to defusing all sorts of bigotry.

elvis | 12:10 a.m. Nov. 21, 2007

what!? someone commenting from my house(graceland) and i didnt approve it! a mormon "houndog"?
gee...i was studying the book of mormon..when my spirit slipped to that place called the spirit world that place that other "christians" dont know diddly spit about!the rest of the world thought i went to either heaven or h---! you mormons fooled them your plan is more merciful..gave me more time to finish that book of mormon and become elder
elvis! as for mitt...i hope he just blows away those
"suspicious minds!" and rocks and rolls right into the white house ! since iam a spirit..maybe i could just scare away the rest of his opponents?! i have run into some of those missing people who were enemies of the clintons from arkansas! vince foster is here , too! he told me..yep they did it to me! anyway i could relay this to mitt?
elvis

JC | 12:45 a.m. Nov. 21, 2007

Really cute isn't it nice when people can laugh at themselves, healthy thing to be able to do. So as for Lee Benson what is his agenda for the the contentious articles he has been writing? Perhaps stiring up some controversy and excitement. Nah most can see right through his journalism skills. I think he wants to go work for the New York Times.Maybe he will be able to save their newspaper, before it goes under.

RRD | 1:40 a.m. Nov. 21, 2007

Love it!!!

By the way itï¿½s called a BMW not a Mormon Cadillac

BMW: Also know as a "BIG MORMAN WAGON" BMW

1984 | 5:03 a.m. Nov. 21, 2007

The official Mormon vehicle is the Suburban, aka THE MORMON ASSAULT VEHICLE complete with a BYU 1984 National Champs bumper sticker.

FYI, for all you non-LDS readers who are wondering, about 90% of the LDS membership are still scratching their head over Harry Reid. C'mon Nevada, what were you thinking?

mazer2soc | 6:57 a.m. Nov. 21, 2007

Land O Goshen. Ain't we having fun this morning. What a way to start our Thanksgiving debacle: eat, laugh, cry, drink, tears, hugs, kisses and grateful hearts! To be a part of something that is beyond the understanding of most humans today is not only sobering...and humbling...but...so very enduring as it truely touches that deep part of all of us. And her we are, laughing our heads off, even crying a bit at this great piece of .... absolute FUN! Thanks for starting this day with a shout. And as a 'church ball' annumi of 40, 50 years ago, don't ya just miss it? Where can we find memories like that today in this world of couch potatoes, video games and X-boxes. Sigh. "Come on. Givme the ball. Ya slapped my arm." Ah to hear those words once again. Such marvelous times lost, never to be experienced again. Woops. Got to go. Home-teaching is calling.

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