ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT Vivid Seats has ranked each NBA team according to its effect on opponent ticket prices. Whenever Golden State plays a road game, for example, prices rise by an average of 190 percent above median. But when the Jazz visit a town, ticket prices fall by an average of 21 percent — the biggest drop in the league. This is what happens when Greg Ostertag retires and there’s no one wearing a Fred Flintstone tattoo.

COLD FACTS

Gordon Hayward played in Sunday’s Jazz game, having come off the injured list a couple weeks earlier than expected.

So it’s official. Hayward can recover from a fractured and dislocated finger in less time than it takes Rock On to get over a head cold.

WALK ON BY

After a 108-year wait, the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series.

The Jazz say they’ve been waiting at least that long for someone to call traveling on Draymond Green.

ALL-TIME TEAM

The Huffington Post says wooly mammoths still walked the earth when the pyramids were being built.

Archaeologists also claim to have found a corresponding shirt that says “Cubs 1751 B.C. World Series Champs!”

TOP DOLLAR

A golf outing involving President Obama and Tiger Woods in Florida cost taxpayers $3.6 million.

A White House source says Obama figured it was cheaper than his original plan: two tickets to the Super Bowl.

IN THE ROUGH

Woods is returning to golf as the No. 767th-ranked player in the world. How far has he fallen?

Even noted hacker Charles Barkley is thinking, “He can’t play. That guy has no game.”

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS

Asked if there are any special challenges to playing a team like San Antonio twice in the same week, Jazz coach Quin Snyder said, “It’s the Spurs. Yeah, lots of them.”

But the Jazz don’t call them challenges. They call them “growth blessings.”

DUCK TALES

ESPN’s Darren Rovell says Oregon booster Phil Knight might front $10 million for a new coach.

In response, Ducks coach Mark Helfrich told reporters “… it would be cool if it’s that easy. I take it it wasn’t me that was getting the $10 million?”

Clearly this is the most self-aware coach in America.

A TOTAL WHIFF
Twitter photo, via user @MikeNeero

A fan got a “Cleveland: World Series Champs 2016” tattoo before the playoffs began.

Nothing to worry about, folks, unless he’s also the guy that had a “Gore-Lieberman 2000” tattoo on his chest.

COP TALK

Shaquille O’Neal has served as a reserve police officer in Florida, Arizona and California. He recently bought a Krispy Kreme shop in Atlanta.

Let’s just say it doesn’t take a detective to connect the dots.

Email: rock@desnews.com; Twitter: @therockmonster; Blog: Rockmonster Unplugged