REAL-LY SUCCESSFUL

They unloaded some expensive veteran talent, went with a different look, and now appear poised to play in the league finals.

The Jazz?

Heavens no. They’re awful.

Rock On is talking about Real Salt Lake, which is in the conference finals for the fourth time in six years.

To tweak a phrase from a bygone era: “Gooooooooooal! You gotta love it, baby.

Email: rock@desnews.com; Twitter: @therockmonster; Blog: Rockmonster Unplugged

APPETITE FOR LIFE

RSL’s Sebastian Velasquez scored his first MLS goal Thursday, propelling his team past the L.A. Galaxy.

Coach Jason Kreis uttered a hauntingly familiar phrase after the game, saying, “He’s an extremely hungry player that has some real gifts.”

You mean like William “The Refrigerator” Perry?

COMMON GROUND

Former Washington Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth teed off on coach Mike Shanahan, last month, calling him “conniving” and self-centered.

But Shanahan told media that anyone he didn’t get along with “usually falls in one of those couple areas: lazy, lack of passion, and lot of times, a lack of character ...”

And people say Rock On has no NFL skills.

MOLAR FLARES

Twice this month an NHL player has pulled his own tooth — no dentist required.

Remember when the only people who worried about pro athletes stealing their jobs were TV commentators?

GREATER GOOD

RSL owner Dell Loy Hansen says there’s a big difference between his real estate investment business and owning a soccer team.

“This (soccer) feels much more like you’re running a non-profit community charity,” he said on Sunday. “You want to make the right decisions for the community, more than for the pocketbook.”

Which largely explains why the Jazz are likely to spend $100 million to keep Gordon Hayward and Derek Favors in town, too.

EARLY JUMP

The largest baby in America was born last May in Utah, weighing 14 pounds.

Ute coach Kyle Whittingham purportedly told the parents to be patient; he won't have a scholarship available until 2015.

LOOK AWAY

After the Jazz lost their eighth consecutive game on Monday, coach Tyrone Corbin said, “We are young guys. We have a couple older guys. We can’t look for excuses that way. It’s not going to get any easier.”

To play or watch, folks.

To play or watch.

NO SERVICES

A soccer player in Tajikistan scored twice to beat his hometown team, after which his water and electricity were reportedly discontinued for five days.

Meanwhile, ex-Ute Andre Miller has allegedly had his Lagoon season pass impounded following his 15-point performance against the Jazz.