In the great spirit, honor and tradition of "SPIRIT," "HONOR" and "TRADITION," here's how some folks in the sports world could or should be identified in the future:
The Real Salt Lake goalkeeper could go with "STONE WALL" or "REJECTION DEJECTION" for the way he frustrates opponents, or perhaps "NICK OF TIME" for some of those acrobatic, last-gasp saves he's been making for RSL this season.
Based on the Jazz rookie point guard's shaky summer league showing, "CAN'T SHOOT STRAIGHT" might seem appropriate. But the team is hoping he's "GONNA BE GREAT" instead.
Now the face of this young, rebuilding Jazz franchise, "FUTURE STAR" might be a bit presumptuous. But "GREAT WHITE HOPE" or "BABY-FACED BALLER" would certainly fit.
The up-and-coming Jazz big man could wear "PLAYS BOTH ENDS" or "RISING STAR," but perhaps his shot-blocking ability would warrant "SWAT TEAM" instead.
The obvious choice would be "BIG TURKEY" but, based on the way the young Jazz center has transformed his now-muscular physique, "ABS OF STEEL" or "SHIRT OFF PLEASE" would apply.
The former Weber State star and reigning NBA Rookie of the Year could wear "SMALL SCHOOL, HUH?" or "THE REAL DEAL" to let folks know where he's from and where he's going.
The former BYU phenom, often buried on the Sacramento Kings' bench, might be well-suited in wearing a jersey that reads "NEEDS A CHANCE" or "SACTO'S A NO GO."
Not that he'll ever be mistaken for a Bible, but "KING JAMES" would seem fitting, and they'd only have to add four more letters to the jersey the Miami Heat superstar already wears.
His nickname is "THE BIG FUNDAMENTAL," but the San Antonio Spurs' big man could be called "TOWER OF STRENGTH" or "PLAYS TO WIN" because that's always what he is and what he does.
Switching to the NFL, the former New England Patriots' tight end certainly looks like a "BAD HOMBRE" who's on his way to a "LIFE SENTENCE" because it appears he's a "STONE-COLD KILLUH" off the field, too.
The legendary quarterback who "WOULDN'T QUIT" and wound up with a "RUINED LEGACY" in Green Bay would be wise to do "NO MORE TEXTING" in the future.
The former University of Utah star who got a "RAW DEAL" in San Francisco is eager to make the most of his "SECOND CHANCE" in Kansas City.
Indeed, it looks like the "SKY'S THE LIMIT" for this "DIAMOND IN ROUGH" who could make the Detroit Lions look like "SHEER GENIUSES" for drafting him out of BYU.
Heck, if you could get the Patriots' coach to wear a jersey on the sideline instead of a tattered hoodie, it might read "I SPY" or "BADLY NEED RECEIVERS." Or he could sarcastically put "KEEP SMILING" — something we seldom if ever see him do — on that hoodie of his.
And when it comes to baseball, has there ever been anyone who made more of a "CLOWN MOVE BRO" than "A-FRAUD" did by appealing his suspension for allegedly using performance-enhancing drugs? Heck, even Yankee fans can't stand the guy nowadays.
Sure, golfers don't wear jerseys, and the only thing you might see on Tiger's shirt is a Nike swoosh. But if he had a jersey, you could put "CAN'T CATCH JACK" on the back and feel pretty safe about it.
OK, so maybe if he wore a jersey, other swimmers might be able to keep up with the Olympic star in the pool. Or maybe not. After all, he is "AQUA MAN" isn't he?
For the fastest man on two feet, it'd be easy: "LIGHTNING" would seem fitting.
The Jazz general manager could wear "BOLD ARCHITECT" for the moves he's been making. Or he could plead to Jazz fans to just "GIVE US TIME" before frustration sets in on this young team.
After last season, please forgive the Utah head football coach if he puts something like "PAC-12 PATSY" or "FORGET LAST YEAR" on his back. Instead, the ever-stern and determined Coach Whit would likely promise "WE'LL GIT'ER DONE."
Finally, the Cougars' coach should not be blamed for his "BAD IDEA" on those jerseys and the way his approach "BACKFIRED" so badly. After all, he merely had a vision that his players would want to remember the tremendous "SPIRIT," "HONOR" and "TRADITION" that the program stands for and strives to promote — even if the Cougars would much rather put their own names than those proud words across their backs.