The Orange Rhino">

10 things I learned when I stopped yelling at my kids

Taking care of me helps me to not yell Next » 9 of 11 « Prev
I was always great at taking care of others; I was not, however, always good at taking care of myself until now.

Once I realized that personal triggers like feeling overweight, feeling disconnected from friends, and feeling exhausted set me up to yell, I started taking care of me. I started going to bed earlier, prioritizing exercise, trying to call one friend a day and, most importantly, I started telling myself it’s OK to not be perfect.

Taking care of me not only helps me not yell, but it also makes me happier, more relaxed and more loving.

Ah, the benefits of not yelling extend far beyond parenting.

There is no doubt that I am in a better parenting and personal place now that I don’t yell. Just to name a few unexpected benefits of not yelling: I do more random acts of kindness, I handle stressful situations more gracefully, and I communicate more lovingly with my husband.
Next » 9 of 11 « Prev
Comments
  • Oldest first
  • Newest first
  • Most recommended
Sports Nutz
Smithfield, UT

I really enjoyed the article, especially #6 and #7 on the list. The "at least" is something we all can use in many aspects of our lives. Also, I have often talked to people about why we sometimes tend to treat our friends better than our family?

JoCo Ute
Grants Pass, OR

Great article. Not yelling gives a parent an opportunity to "catch them being good." It frees a parents mind to see and comment on all the positive "good" things our kids do. Things that too often go unnoticed when we are yelling. It gives our kids a chance to repeat those actions that get a positive response instead of just avoiding the negative ones.

Idaho Dad
Pocatello, ID

Wonderful!! Twenty-five years ago as newlyweds, we determined that it would be OK in our family to yell at someone only if we were trying to save their life. Believe it or not, we have held to it, and it has made an amazing difference for us.

We get told too often that it isn't a realistic goal. Baloney! I'm so glad to see an article like this.

Yelling at our kids simply perpetuates a cycle of verbal abuse that must not be tolerated any more than any other type of abuse. Stop the cycle! If we did it, anyone can.

Just one more opinion
Pleasant Grove, UT

365 years consecutively is pretty impressive; I have a relative who'd be well pressed to go 365 minutes at best! They're also of Western European descent, born mid 20th century with a strong streak of perfectionism in the family. I think a good number of people can go that long or even permantly, but there are those who even at their very best can't go more than a couple days without yelling, and it's not just kids, as even their spouse gets regular bouts of shouting and sharp, critical comments and insults.

If I knew how to help this person I would, but their self-esteem is so fragile they don't really want or simply are unable to her it. I don't think they consider themselves perfect, just not willing to accept less than near-perfect out of themselves and others. I would show this person this article, but they'd probably make comments about, "well, if children won't listen, and they won't do what you tell them and what they're supposed to do, then you yell at them!" Then hear comments for the next couple minutes about how badly behaved children are today and how parents are failing as parents.

ddavies
Ogden, UT

I would also recommend a couple of excellent books: "Scream-free Parenting" by Hal Edward Runkel and "The Anatomy of Peace" by the Arbinger institute. I am far from perfect and made my share of errors, but they have helped me improve not only my parenting but relations with others.

to comment

DeseretNews.com encourages a civil dialogue among its readers. We welcome your thoughtful comments.
About comments