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10 things I learned when I stopped yelling at my kids

Often times, I am the problem, not my kids Next » 8 of 11 « Prev
The break-up line, “It’s not you, it’s me” rings uncomfortably true when learning not to yell. I quickly realized that oftentimes I wanted to yell because I had a fight with my husband, I was overwhelmed by my to-do list, I was tired or it was that time of the month, not because the kids were behaving badly.

I also quickly realized that acknowledging my personal triggers by saying out loud: “Orange Rhino, you have wicked PMS and need chocolate. You aren’t mad at the kids. Don’t yell” works really well to keep yells at bay.
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Sports Nutz
Smithfield, UT

I really enjoyed the article, especially #6 and #7 on the list. The "at least" is something we all can use in many aspects of our lives. Also, I have often talked to people about why we sometimes tend to treat our friends better than our family?

JoCo Ute
Grants Pass, OR

Great article. Not yelling gives a parent an opportunity to "catch them being good." It frees a parents mind to see and comment on all the positive "good" things our kids do. Things that too often go unnoticed when we are yelling. It gives our kids a chance to repeat those actions that get a positive response instead of just avoiding the negative ones.

Idaho Dad
Pocatello, ID

Wonderful!! Twenty-five years ago as newlyweds, we determined that it would be OK in our family to yell at someone only if we were trying to save their life. Believe it or not, we have held to it, and it has made an amazing difference for us.

We get told too often that it isn't a realistic goal. Baloney! I'm so glad to see an article like this.

Yelling at our kids simply perpetuates a cycle of verbal abuse that must not be tolerated any more than any other type of abuse. Stop the cycle! If we did it, anyone can.

Just one more opinion
Pleasant Grove, UT

365 years consecutively is pretty impressive; I have a relative who'd be well pressed to go 365 minutes at best! They're also of Western European descent, born mid 20th century with a strong streak of perfectionism in the family. I think a good number of people can go that long or even permantly, but there are those who even at their very best can't go more than a couple days without yelling, and it's not just kids, as even their spouse gets regular bouts of shouting and sharp, critical comments and insults.

If I knew how to help this person I would, but their self-esteem is so fragile they don't really want or simply are unable to her it. I don't think they consider themselves perfect, just not willing to accept less than near-perfect out of themselves and others. I would show this person this article, but they'd probably make comments about, "well, if children won't listen, and they won't do what you tell them and what they're supposed to do, then you yell at them!" Then hear comments for the next couple minutes about how badly behaved children are today and how parents are failing as parents.

Ogden, UT

I would also recommend a couple of excellent books: "Scream-free Parenting" by Hal Edward Runkel and "The Anatomy of Peace" by the Arbinger institute. I am far from perfect and made my share of errors, but they have helped me improve not only my parenting but relations with others.

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