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By The Orange Rhino
I really enjoyed the article, especially #6 and #7 on the list. The "at
least" is something we all can use in many aspects of our lives. Also, I
have often talked to people about why we sometimes tend to treat our friends
better than our family?
Great article. Not yelling gives a parent an opportunity to "catch them
being good." It frees a parents mind to see and comment on all the positive
"good" things our kids do. Things that too often go unnoticed when we
are yelling. It gives our kids a chance to repeat those actions that get a
positive response instead of just avoiding the negative ones.
Wonderful!! Twenty-five years ago as newlyweds, we determined that it would be
OK in our family to yell at someone only if we were trying to save their life.
Believe it or not, we have held to it, and it has made an amazing difference for
us. We get told too often that it isn't a realistic goal.
Baloney! I'm so glad to see an article like this.Yelling at
our kids simply perpetuates a cycle of verbal abuse that must not be tolerated
any more than any other type of abuse. Stop the cycle! If we did it, anyone
365 years consecutively is pretty impressive; I have a relative who'd be
well pressed to go 365 minutes at best! They're also of Western European
descent, born mid 20th century with a strong streak of perfectionism in the
family. I think a good number of people can go that long or even permantly, but
there are those who even at their very best can't go more than a couple
days without yelling, and it's not just kids, as even their spouse gets
regular bouts of shouting and sharp, critical comments and insults. If I knew how to help this person I would, but their self-esteem is so fragile
they don't really want or simply are unable to her it. I don't think
they consider themselves perfect, just not willing to accept less than
near-perfect out of themselves and others. I would show this person this
article, but they'd probably make comments about, "well, if children
won't listen, and they won't do what you tell them and what
they're supposed to do, then you yell at them!" Then hear comments for
the next couple minutes about how badly behaved children are today and how
parents are failing as parents.
I would also recommend a couple of excellent books: "Scream-free
Parenting" by Hal Edward Runkel and "The Anatomy of Peace" by the
Arbinger institute. I am far from perfect and made my share of errors, but they
have helped me improve not only my parenting but relations with others.
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