What? You're tired of the Olympics already? It's only the first day!
And though they are primarily a celebration of snow and ice sports, the Games bring along much more than the whacking of hockey pucks, sliding down mountains and curling.
This isn't just an elitist event. It's a party, with lots to do that is free . . . or fairly cheap.
So, here are (in no particular order) the top 10 non-sport things to do in the area during the 2002 Olympics . . . assuming you haven't hocked your house or put your firstborn on eBay to fund concert or competition-venue tickets:
- I Don't Know Much About Art. . . . : Chief among the art exhibits worth seeing are Dale Chihuly's amazing glass display at the Salt Lake Art Center (534-4935, or, if you don't have 10 bucks, check out the pieces next door at Abravanel Hall) and "Lure of the West" at Brigham Young University, which is free (801-378-2787). "Yellow Submarine" fans might want to check out the Peter Max exhibit at The Gallery in Park City (but you have to call ahead and RSVP: 435-655-0092).
- On the Avenue: A music festival (featuring folk, bluegrass, celtic, classical and gospel), a historical homes tour (from the McCune Mansion to the Cathedral of the Madeleine) and local cuisine (lime Jell-O perhaps?) will highlight the Avenues-Capitol Hills Festival at various locations. And it's all free. Go online to olyman.nt3.npsis.com for specifics.
- How Much Ice Could a Woodchuck Chip? . . . : If you're going to be out in the cold anyway, why not take in the ice-carving competition at the Olympic World of Ice Festival in Provo? It'll be there daily through the run of the Games from noon to midnight at 75 W. Center. (Perhaps some rabble-rouser will sculpt a giant Pepsi bottle.)
- I Think That I Shall Never See. . . . : Look around for the book titled "A World of Poetry" that will be handed out during the Games, a free publication in connection with the American Poetry and Literacy Project. Some 100,000 of them will be distributed (some are already being given out to arriving visitors at the airport).
- Let Us All Band Together: There are lots of local bands — and lots of good ones — playing various venues over the next two weeks, but if you want to have fun, you can't beat Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband for foot-stompin' tunes and hilarious lyrics. Check their schedule online at www.shupe.net.
- Bored of the Rings: The Olympic Rings, that is. See how many illegal uses of the Olympic logo you can find around town. How about that AT&T ad that uses of the word "Ring" five times in various colors? Or the custard stand on Highland Drive that has five capital "O" letters stacked on its marquee? Or a multi-colored Rings tattoo? Or nose-ring Rings?
- Non-Official Must-See TV: The "official" TV station of the Olympics is KSL/Ch. 5 (because it's an NBC affiliate and paid kazillions to be a sponsor), but other local channels will cover the Games as much as they are allowed. You may have gotten a taste of that this week if you watched the competing Olympics Torch coverage. Each station had anchors and/or reporters running with the torch and/or reporting on each other. (Except for Chris Vanocour, who carried the torch and reported on himself!)
- It'll Curl Your Hair: Curling. It's different from hockey. It gets no respect. What is that granite thingy they toss across the ice, anyway? But curling has to be cool, because the Beatles did it! Head to your favorite video store and check out "Help!" — you'll see John, Paul, George and Ringo curling . . . until their granite thingy is replaced with what one of them calls "a dangerous thingy."
- Spot-the-Volunteer: The bright colors of their uniforms will tell you which SLOC volunteers are doing what. For example: Red is for medical personnel, blue means a general volunteer and yellow is a UDOT worker . . . er, that is, event services.
- Jaywatching: While watching "The Tonight Show" during the Olympics (at about 10:05 p.m. each night, after Ch. 5's 9:30 newscast), see if you can guess how many of Jay Leno's Utah/Mormon jokes will be about polygamy or the Osmonds. (Hint: All of them.)
BONUS TRACKS: If you are reading this, you're on the Web, and as with hidden tracks on CDs or Easter eggs on DVDs, this is not part of the column published in the newspaper today.
So, why should you get something extra when you're already reading the Deseret News online for free? You shouldn't. But, as with real estate, it's all about location, location, location. The printed column is located on the printed page, which has limited space — but what you are reading is located on the Net, which has unlimited space.
Besides, life isn't fair.
Anyway, here are some more miscellaneous things to think about during the Olympics:
— Since the ZCMI and Crossroads food courts will be open until midnight, will anyone be ordering what's left of the limp steamed vegetables after 11?
— Why is a watered-down cup of hot chocolate at a venue $3.50? (Answer: Extra water apparently adds to the cost.)
— Will anyone be wearing "Free Winona" T-shirts? Never mind that Winona isn't actually incarcerated . . . yet . . . or that this has nothing to do with the Olympics. The T-shirts are selling like hotcakes — and someone, somewhere in the Salt Lake Valley during the Games, is bound to have one on.
— So which corporations provided the most Olympics funding? Think about that while you pull out your Visa card to buy a Coke at McDonald's while reading Sports Illustrated and listening to your Panasonic CD player as your Kodak film is developed.
— How are they going to roll up all those banners after the Olympics and where are they going to store them?
— Why will there be a 3 1/2-foot tall lip balm be at the Sandy Wal-Mart on Wednesday, Feb. 13, which will then travel to Park City's Wal-Mart before embarking on a 50-city U.S. tour? If you think I'm kidding, go to www.leashables.com on the Web.
— Why would anyone dedicate a museum to Jell-O, much less take it on the road?
— And, finally, is there someone out there who can help me figure out the UTA bus schedules during the Olympics?
So, there you are.
Hey, I didn't say these extras would be better; I just said they'd be more.
E-MAIL: hicks@desnews.com
© 2002 Deseret News Publishing Company