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Win some, lose some: Parents talk about the ups and downs of raising a world-class athlete
By Kathryn Clayton
Deseret News assistant feature editor
The road to athletic stardom has more obstacles than a slalom race and more bumps than a mogul field.
And it isn't a solo journey. Parents and siblings often are along for the ride — a supporting cast for their center-stage competitor. Sometimes there are spouses and children, too.
Here are the observations of two families on the rigors of raising an athlete. They come from both sides of the fence. One athlete made the U.S. Olympic team. The other didn't.
They may seem like the family next door. But the emotional ups and downs of normal life are amplified as their athlete moves up the ladder of competition.
Cindy and Jim Nahrgang, of Minnetonka, Minn., are the parents of 23-year-old Andrea Nahrgang, a member of the U.S. Olympic biathlon team. Andrea's brother, 21-year-old John, attends Notre Dame.
Marianne and Norm Nelson, of Boise, are the parents of ski jumper Tim Nelson, 17. His brother, Tuck, is 12. Tim didn't make the Olympic team but is one of the forejumpers who tries out the jumps prior to the competitions to check out the track and test the distance radar.
Life for an athlete, like life for the rest of us, is a matter of trade-offs.
Here are some the Nahrgangs and Nelsons have hit head-on:
Money makes the world go around: It's hard to get corporate sponsorships for low-profile sports such as biathlon.
Nahrgang, who has trained full-time since high school, paid her way by joining the Minnesota National Guard, where her athletic camps and competitions count as guard duty. It was a matter of pride and practicality.
"This was her way of becoming financially independent, and she's very proud of that. Had we supported her for four years, we would have used up her college funds, and we weren't willing to do that," said her mother, Cindy.
Boot camp was an eye-opener. "She's come from a sheltered, very supportive life, emotionally and financially," said Cindy. "(Boot camp) taught her discipline and was another experience in 'how much do you want to do this?' "
Tim Nelson's financing comes from his family and a ski fund that was set up for him. People who donate to the fund receive a video of Tim and a report on how he's doing at the end of each season.
"Tim's sport is extremely hard to finance," said his mother Marianne. "My husband is self-employed as an independent filmmaker. I have a small cottage industry and work at a garden nursery in the summer."
Dividends from Tim's college fund go toward his sport. "While the stock market was good, that was a great source," said Marianne. "Now it is not."
Home alone: Athletes often must live and train away from home. At the fledgling age of 10, Nelson started flying to training camps and competitions by himself, staying with other families. "I resented that I was not able to be involved and worried the whole time he was gone," said Marianne. "I worried that he wasn't with us having a normal life."
Cindy Nahrgang recalls Andrea's senior year in high school when she moved to Lake Placid, N.Y., to train. She attended a private boarding school there. Andrea had been told that if she worked hard with certain coaches, she could probably make the team that was going to Europe to compete.
"She didn't make the team, and suddenly she was without the people she had trained with," said Cindy. "We were here (in Minnesota) and she was there. She was lonesome. That was a hard year for her, but she stuck it out. She stayed there and graduated from high school. I was really proud."
Education on the back burner: Andrea Nahrgang's full-time training has so far shut the door on college, a fact not lost on her mother. "It bothered me," said Cindy. "Our dream was to send our children to any college they were suited for. It was all set up for her. She was such a good athlete. We always talked about her skiing at a Division One school. The Olympics is a very enticing idea. She kept moving toward that goal. It was hard for me to watch her move away from that college path."
The amount of school athletes miss has been an issue for the Nelsons, too. When Tim started jumping, his parents made it clear that he had to keep up his grades. "He's maintained A's and B's until competition season. Tim is really bright. He has that going for him," said Marianne.
The tug-of-war between education and athletics can be heartbreaking. "Tim had an excellent chance of making the Olympic team," said Marianne. "The reason he didn't qualify was because of a competition he missed. He missed the competition because we wanted him in school."
The Nelsons have worked with the school district, which allowed him to stay in public school. "I would guess that 95 percent of the athletes were or are in private schools," she said.
Tim is a high school junior. "Our goal this year and next is for him to graduate from high school," she said.
Sibling rivalry: Do sisters and brothers get as much attention as the athlete in the family?
"The time and effort put into Tim does have an effect" on his younger brother, said Marianne. "Tuck used to say he wished he was an only child. With Tim gone so much, Tuck's wish sometimes feels like it came true. Luckily, Tuck has his own interests, and we do our best to encourage them."
What about Andrea's brother, John? "I think he would say no," said Cindy.
But their family shares in each other's triumphs. "He's always been thrilled with her success. And she's always been thrilled with his. He was an academic star. As parents, we try to make everything equal."
Andrea gives credit to her family for her success. "When everyone is congratulating me, it's a congratulations to my family, too, because there's no way I could have done all this without their support," she said. "Part of my achievement is their achievement."
Emotional roller coaster: For parents, watching their child compete is a white-knuckle experience. "I'm very nervous. We're all very nervous," said Cindy Nahrgang. "I'm a little more relaxed after the first loop because I can tell what her game day will be like. Once she gets into her first prone position to shoot, I can tell if she's on."
During a competition, Andrea's father stands apart from the crowd and paces. "He'll be all over the court," said Cindy. She and John, on the other hand, talk strategies all the way to the venue. "It helps us relax. It helps us settle our nerves."
A rock and a hard spot: Did the Nelsons make the right decision when they let Tim pursue ski jumping? Even after seven years, Marianne Nelson still doesn't know. "It was a constant worry. I would even ask the coaches to please tell us if they saw any hope of a great athlete in Tim. They tell us, 'If he wants to do it and you take it away from him now, how will you know?' You never know when enough is enough."
Is it worth it? "That's a big question," said Marianne. "There are a lot of twists and turns. There are times when we want to see joy from Tim and there is only frustration. I have to say, though, so far it has been worth the time and effort."
"I'd have to say yes," said Andrea's mother, Cindy. "She's doing something that only a few people in the entire world get to do. She's on an Olympic team. This is something that no one can take away from her.
"But there are people who put as much energy into who didn't make it (the Olympic team). So it's a real risk."
Olympic update: The biathlon competition was held Monday. None of the U.S. women, including Andrea Nahrgang, medaled in the event.
E-mail: kclayton@desnews.com
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February 14, 2002
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