Love Letter, The

Mark this piece of cinematic junk mail "Return to Sender."

Not to say that "The Love Letter" is bad, but this unsuccessful adaptation of Cathleen Schine's best-selling farcical novel is without any real laughs, which is lethal since it's supposed to be a comedy. Worse, there's no chemistry between any of the stars, and there's a puzzling lack of energy.

In fact, at a little more than 80 minutes, "The Love Letter" could be the dullest film of its length we'll see all year.

Actually, the only reason for its existence seems to be as a vanity piece for actress Kate Capshaw, best known to most Americans as Mrs. Steven Spielberg. That might work if she had enough charm to hold a picture together that's as slight as this one. But she doesn't.

The plot is sort of a comic riff on "Message in a Bottle." Middle-aged bookstore owner Helen MacFarquhan (Capshaw) finds an unsigned love note that captivates her and that sets off a series of romantic mishaps.

First, twentysomething bookstore employee Johnny (Tom Everett Scott) accidentally finds the letter, which he believes Helen wrote. So even though he's already got a tentative relationship with another co-worker (Julianne Nicholson), Johnny starts pursuing his much-older boss.

And despite the age difference, Helen becomes convinced that Johnny wrote the note and finally gives in to passion. Unbeknownst to Helen, though, the local firefighter, George (Tom Selleck), is still carrying a torch for her.

Meanwhile, the store's manager, Janet (Ellen DeGeneres), finds the missive, which she believes George wrote for her. And local eccentric Miss Scattergoods (Geraldine McEwan) evidentally knows more about everyone's foibles than she's letting on.

To say that director Peter Chan ("Comrades: Almost a Love Story") and screenwriter Maria Maggenti ("The Incredible True Adventure of Two Girls in Love") can't juggle the multiple story threads is an understatement.

Also, the "revelation" about the letter's true authorship is unbelievably lame.

The cast is talented, but none of the actors show it here. Capshaw spends most of her time mugging for the camera, while Selleck is surprisingly dull and charmless. Even DeGeneres' delivery for her one-liners seems off.

"The Love Letter" is rated R for simulated sex, scattered profanities, fleeting female nudity, as well as some glimpses of nude photos, and a vulgar double-entendre.