Johnny English

"Johnny English" has a theme song that's far better, far more clever, than the film itself.

Robbie Williams' title song manages to evoke memories of such classic spy films as the James Bond series, as well as the numerous "Pink Panther" pictures. But all the movie does is make you wish that the "Austin Powers" films hadn't made spy spoofs fashionable again.

Not that this one should be confused with the "Austin Powers" movies. "Johnny English" is not nearly as crude or filled with sexual material (though it does feature a nauseating toilet gag that's hard to scrub from your mind — and which calls into question the film's PG rating). Unfortunately, this one doesn't have as many genuine laughs as "Austin Powers," either.

Instead, "Johnny English" is just plain dumb — and not in a "good-dumb" way.

The title character is a paper-pusher (Rowan Atkinson) who is pressed into service by Her Majesty's Secret Service when all of England's secret agents are killed (in an explosion that this nincompoop could have stopped if he'd simply paid attention).

English is supposed to be guarding the Crown Jewels. And when they're stolen right from under his nose, he tries to finger Pascal Sauvage (John Malkovich), an influential French businessman with royal blood. It turns out he's right, of course, and Sauvage plans to steal the throne as well.

Unfortunately, Johnny's superiors don't believe him. So it's up to him to save Queen and country — with no small help from a beautiful fellow spy (Australian singer Natalie Imbruglia) and Johnny's considerably more competent assistant (Ben Miller).

Among the film's numerous problems is the fact that the bumbling title character is hardly endearing. In fact, as written by Robert Wade and Neal Purvis (who also wrote the last couple of Bond films), he's hardly much of anything.

Atkinson's inconsistent performance doesn't help. At times, he appears to be clueless in that peculiar "Mr. Bean" way, but in other moments he's all too aware of his failings.

The supporting cast isn't any better. Imbruglia is unconvincing in her big-screen debut, while Malkovich's Gallic goofing is cringe-inducing.

"Johnny English" is rated PG for action-adventure violence (gunplay, hand-to-hand combat, explosive mayhem and some slapstick), crude sight gags and references involving bodily functions, scattered use of profanity (mostly religiously based), brief partial male nudity (done for laughs) and brief drug content (use of tranquilizers). Running time: 87 minutes.

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E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com