The biggest parenting mistake

Published: Sunday, Oct. 4 2015 9:30 a.m. MDT

Saren Eyre Loosli writers about learning to love to parenting journey. (Shutterstock) Saren Eyre Loosli writers about learning to love to parenting journey. (Shutterstock)

"The biggest mistake I made as a parent is the one that most of us make. ... I did not live in the moment. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get to the next thing — dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." - Anna Quindlen

I've been making this mistake. Yep, I sure have. I treasure getting things done. I love the feeling of checking things off my list and progressing towards goals. I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I finish writing an article or cleaning out a closet or folding a load of laundry. When we're not progressing and accomplishing things, it's easy to get down on ourselves and life can look a little bleak.

But maybe sometimes the "doing" IS the accomplishment.

When I sit and read books with my kids, the goal is not really to finish the book. It's to enjoy the process of reading the book together and learning the lessons it offers.

I need to apply this to more things in my life. The main goal of bedtime shouldn't really be to get the kids in bed (although some nights that goal is paramount). Shouldn't it really be about snuggling with my kids, praying with them, reading to them, feeling a nice little end-of-the-day connection? And maybe the goal of cleaning up the kitchen after dinner with my kids should actually be to talk and laugh while we work together. (April Perry's great article "What's the Point of Housework?" taught me this).

I need to work on enjoying the "doing" and accepting the process as part of the goal. It's the present that really counts.

My dad had us memorize this quote by a Sanskrit poet when we were little, and I need to keep it more to the front of my brain:

"Yesterday is but a dream. Tomorrow but a vision. But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day."

Accomplishments are important. Progress is vital. But learning to enjoy and treasure the present and the actions involved in moving towards our goals is also very important. I know that when I take the time to cherish the "doing" in my life, I feel more joy. And it's an ongoing part of my personal progression to learn to enjoy the processes involved in progression more and more.

QUESTION: What are some of your favorite parts of your regular daily routines? What's your favorite part of breakfast time? Of bedtime? Of clean-up time? How have you progressed to the point that you can really enjoy things that might have once been hard for you as a mom?

CHALLENGE: Make a point of enjoying and appreciating the things you came up with in thinking about the questions above.

This article is courtesy of Power of Moms, an online gathering place for deliberate mothers.

Copyright 2015, Deseret News Publishing Company