Hello, and welcome to this morning's call-in show. Our guest is the esteemed Mister Know It All, who is here in the studio to answer your questions about the upcoming bowl season. The lines are open.
Mister K, your eminence, what can Joe Fan do to change the BCS?
MISTER K: Don't eat Tostitos, don't patronize FedEx and CitiBank, and, whatever you do, don't watch the games.
Don't you get it? The BCS isn't about determining a national champion. It's about making money, period. There are only two groups of people who like the current system: BCS schools and the people cashing the checks. They don't care about the sport, they don't care about fair play, they don't care about fan opinion. They care about their cash cow and protecting their turf. They've got a monopoly and they're not going to share with the other children.
The only way to move them is to hit them where they live: in the wallet. How do you do that? Don't watch the BCS Bowls on TV, and don't patronize the companies that sponsor BCS bowls — CitiBank, Tostitos, Allstate, FedEx.
Do that, and they'll be madder than Elin Nordegren.
Do you think fans would ever participate in such a boycott?
MISTER K: Not a chance. Drop 22 guys in the middle of the Mojave with a football, call it a bowl game and people will tune in to watch it.
What or who made Alabama so much better this season? A weight program? New talent? Better coaching?
MISTER K: Nah. The University of Utah. The Tide hasn't lost a game since the Utes left them a quivering mass on the Sugar Bowl turf last year. Sheesh, and you thought Max Hall hated Utah. These guys were embarrassed by the Utes, who produced one of the most perfectly executed bowl performances ever. It was the best thing to happen to the Crimson Tide since Bear Bryant. In the SEC Championship game, 'Bama looked like, well, Utah beating 'Bama.
Let me see if I've got this straight: BYU beats Utah, but gets sentenced to the Vegas Bowl just down the road, for the fifth straight year; Utah loses to BYU and slips to third place and gets to go to San Diego for the Poinsettia Bowl. Who was the real winner?
MISTER K: Not only that, but the Cougars will be playing Oregon State, one of the hottest teams in the country and one that came within a touchdown of going to the Rose Bowl. Combine their bowl assignment with the fallout and ill will created by the Max Hall comments, and you have to wonder if any victory has ever been so forgotten or overshadowed as quickly as BYU's win over Utah. The Cougars, 10-2 and 14th ranked, have to be feeling like Tiger Woods. They had a great year, but...
How can the BCS justify matching two non-BCS teams, TCU and Boise State, in the Fiesta Bowl?
MISTER K: Well, according to one of the BCS windbags — Fiesta Bowl director John Junker — the BCS tried to "arrange the most compelling matchup possible" and was "delighted" with TCU-Boise State. Great. In reality, it's a shameless, transparent attempt to avoid a matchup between college football's upper class and the peasants. They sent the two outsiders to sit at the little card table in the other room while the grownups eat at the big table with the good china. Try to keep the noise down and don't make a mess.
It's pretty clear that the BCS doesn't want to risk a repeat of last year's Sugar Bowl, when Utah drubbed one of the BCS's pure bloods. Instead of doing the sensible thing and matching No. 3 Cincinnati against No. 4 TCU, they skipped right over TCU and went to No. 5 Florida. Instead of exposing two BCS teams to non-BCS teams, they exposed none. Instead of having possibly two unbeaten non-BCS teams, they will have one.
By the way, non-BCS teams are 3-1 in BCS bowls — Utah 2-0, Boise State 1-0, Hawaii 0-1. That's enough to scare off the good ole boys at the BCS.
You can take that to the bank — as long as it's not CitiBank.
Copyright 2017, Deseret News Publishing Company