Panel aims to assist kids as it looks at divorce law

Proposed changes in Utah custody law should focus on reducing the damage to the children involved, not on rewriting the rule book for fighting parents, members of a special legislative ad hoc custody law review committee agreed Thursday.

The committee of lawmakers, attorneys and custody evaluators agreed in their first meeting Thursday that the best thing for children is for parents who are splitting up to work out parenting arrangements themselves outside court jurisdiction.

That has to be the template as the committee begins sifting through about a dozen bills introduced the past two years dealing with such issues and sometimes calling for punishment for parents who don't get along regarding custody and visitation after divorce.

Animosity creates conflict, "and it's conflict, not the divorce, that creates the most stress for children," said Michael Evans, a 3rd District Court commissioner. "That's where the anger in children begins," he said, noting that conflict is destructive force in homes where the parents stay together.

But the mindset of the general public is they want an attorney who will really go to bat for them, said Rep. Susan Lawrence, R-East Millcreek. "Many times people aren't thinking they're supposed to be working things out, they're looking for a way to win their children like another asset."

Part of the problem is with the system as whole, said assistant attorney general Karma Dixon, one of the 15 people in the audience, who outnumbered the committee members who attended. "A lot of attorneys have the attitude they have to win as opposed to what would be the best for the client. The attorney is acting according to their professional rules, but are part of the adversarial system."

Lori Nelson, a family law attorney and committee coordinator, said she finds that many people look at divorce as an end game. "They don't realize that they aren't just dealing with each other until their children are 18 but their whole lives."

Other committee members said they hope as more people choose mediation and collaboration they will ask for it much like patients becoming more involved in their care now and asking their doctors about a certain prescription drug, not just waiting for their doctor to direct their care.

The problem is that people always have their own perspective about what's right, said Sen. Lyle Hillyard, R-Logan, an attorney. Cache County is said to have the state's highest rate of mediated rather than litigated divorces.