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Modern-day headlines for 9 popular biblical stories

Published: Friday, Sept. 5 2014 10:10 a.m. MDT

Ever wondered what modern-day headlines would look like if they covered the Bible? Here's a look.

William B. Plowman, Invision for BuzzFeed

The King James Version of the Bible is the best-selling book of all time. With stories from more than 3,000 years ago, the text is a guiding light for many of America’s faithful believers and has been the subject of study and comment for those in the secular realm, too.

That's why Deseret News’ local edition published a list in April of possible viral headlines for popular biblical stories — if Upworthy were to publish them today. But new data from ComScore found that people, specifically millennials, are getting their news from a vareity of other sources, such as BuzzFeed, The New York Times and Complex, more.

As a result, we decided to update the list from Deseret News local with a few headlines of our own — ones that would resonate with Slate, The Atlantic and BuzzFeed if they were to report on the biblical stories below.

Here are the headlines we came up with:

Jacob and Leah

Upworthy — Why Grooms Should Always Look at Their Bride Before the Wedding

Slate — Laban Now Says Jacob’s Not Marrying Rachel; That Means He’ll Marry Leah

The Atlantic — Sisters: A Rivalry Over Love

BuzzFeed — 21 Reasons Why #TeamLeah is Better Than #TeamRachel

All Jacob wanted was to marry Rachel, but her father had other plans. On the night of their wedding, Laban, the father of Rachel, switched her out of the wedding for his other daughter, Leah. Jacob didn’t notice and ended up marrying Leah instead. It wasn’t until years later that he was able to marry Rachel, though that sparked some issues, too, given that it created a rivalry between the sisters.

David and Goliath

Upworthy — When Being Called “Stoner” Was Heroic

Slate — Little Guy Bothered by Big Guy, So He Kills Him

The Atlantic — When the Little Guy Beats the Big Guy

BuzzFeed — Here’s How David Beat Goliath in GIFs

When a giant measuring in at more than 9 feet tall pitched the idea of fighting the Israelites, it was David who stepped up to bat. The two engaged in combat, but it was David, the smaller of the two, who conquered the beast, slaying him with his sling.

Walls of Jericho

Upworthy — A Different Drummer: The Rumble That Tumbled the Walls

Slate — Walls of Jericho Are Terribly Built, and Here’s Why

The Atlantic – Why the Walls Crumbled

BuzzFeed — 21 Times the Walls of Jericho Looked Really Dang Good

It was in the Battle of Jericho that the walls came down. With Joshua leading the Israelites, he was told to take down the city in Canaan. And, specifically, he was told by God to have soldiers surround the city walls in anticipation of the battle for six days. On the seventh day, the walls came down, and the soldiers rushed in to take the city.

The story of Job

Upworthy — So You Had A Bad Day? Trust Me, His Was Worse

Slate — Help! I’m Having the Worst Day, and My Wife Says It’s God’s Fault

The Atlantic — The Politics of a Bad Day

BuzzFeed — 21 Things That Only Someone Having a Bad Day Would Understand

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