My boyfriend and I have chosen to get married outside of the temple. Unbeknownst to our family and friends, we aren’t worthy for that step right now, but we feel that there is strength in working towards that eventual sealing together — and not by ourselves. Therefore, we’d like to get civilly married first and later sealed in the temple.
I shared this news with my parents and they are upset. My mother wants us to wait until we are both worthy to enter the temple and then to do things “the right way” by getting sealed there. She says it’s because she worries that if we don’t get sealed in the temple now, “we’ll probably never do it.” But I feel like her real motivation is that she doesn’t want her friends and family to know that her daughter has struggled with keeping the commandments. That would be embarrassing for her.
My boyfriend and I felt good about our decision to move forward with a civil marriage, but now these doubts are in our heads. Plus, I don’t want to do something that my mom isn’t on board with. I respect her opinion and I want her support. How can I best communicate to her that this is a good thing?
Dear Future Wifey,
I would start by giving your mother the benefit of the doubt. Maybe her motives are selfish, maybe they aren’t, but choosing to believe that she has your best interest at heart will make it easier for the two of you to talk.
Next, I would come to terms with the fact that your mother may not get “on board” with your choice — and that’s OK. Getting sealed in the temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a very personal decision. That decision requires personal dedication, personal worthiness and personal faith on the parts of the two getting sealed. You and your fiancé will want to earnestly pray about what’s right for the both of you, speak with your ecclesiastical leaders and then faithfully pursue that course.
Still, I understand the desire to have your mom’s support. Her concern is that you’ll never go to the temple, so talk to her about your plans to become temple worthy. Invite her to be involved in the process by planning a date and sharing what you’re learning through your gospel study. Our parents love us, they want our choices to be good and they want us to be happy.
Good luck on this journey and let us know how it goes!96 comments on this story
Readers: Have you ever made a choice without the support of your loved ones? How did it turn out? Tweet your thoughts @ask_angecolumn #askangela and learn more about "Future Wifey'"on the Ask Angela Facebook page at facebook.com/askangelaslc.
Angela Trusty is a millennial writer who lives and writes about the young single adult Mormon experience. Twitter: askange_column