A lighthearted look at news of the day:
Memorial Day: The one holiday that leaves greeting card stores speechless.
The House passed a bill this week that would keep the NSA from abusing our constitutional rights. If it passes, the spy agency no longer would be allowed to collect data on all phone calls. However, terrorists would incur a surcharge and would no longer have call-forwarding.
The bill would require the phone companies keep records for 18 months, during which time the NSA could search them. In reality, this doesn’t change much, except that we can feel a little better because the NSA might have to watch a spinning wheel while its computers log into the phone company.
Russia is upset at Britain’s Prince Charles for apparently comparing Russian President Vladimir Putin to Hitler. The comparison really is unfair. Putin does not have a mustache.
A Russian foreign ministry spokesman said it is better for Britain’s royalty to be seen and not heard. Presumably, this is because British royalty has not mastered the art of manipulating the system to acquire power.
Sandra Bullock made a surprise visit to a charter school graduation in New Orleans and gave a speech. She urged graduates not to pick their noses in public. Finally, something of real value in a commencement speech.
However, Bullock’s comments seemed to directly contradict other commencement speakers who told graduates to keep their noses clean.
A woman in Portland, Ore., called police because she thought a pirate was attacking her car. Turns out it was just a man on LSD who was dressed in armor. According to gawker.com, the man said he was a "high-elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth." Later, he said, "I wasn't in my right mind. I was still rocking my new pair of elf ears." Well I’m guessing we’ve all had that feeling.
The Salt Lake Bees encountered an awkward situation when the team they were playing began a fistfight amongst themselves in the visiting dugout. Baseball’s unwritten rules are unclear about this, but I believe a Bees’ pitcher should now be required to bean one of his own teammates in retaliation.
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