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Tips for living: 'The Husband Whisperer' by Kevin Hinckley

By Sandra Nazar

For the Deseret News

Published: Thursday, May 15 2014 5:00 a.m. MDT

Heavenly Father speaks to his children on earth through the still small voice of the Spirit. The Spirit speaks gently with love and kindness. It does not scream or shout. It whispers. In his new book “The Husband Whisperer” (Cedar Fort, $14.99), Kevin Hinckley recommends that husbands and wives follow this example of heavenly whispering in their communication with each other.

As the title suggests, Hinckley directs his message primarily to women. His advice is for wives who wish to “whisper” their way to a more peaceful, harmonious relationship and home. While this advice can be beneficial to anyone, Hinckley said it is especially suited for women due to their divine nature.

According to Hinckley, the ability to whisper to others begins with the mastery of self-whispering. An individual must focus on making sure his or her internal conversations are not harsh and overly critical. How individuals see and talk to themselves is a precursor to how they speak to others, he writes in the 115-page book.

While it is important to know what whispering is, Hinckley said that it is also important to know what whispering is not. He proposes that:

Whispering is not passive

Whispering is not loud or angry, but it is also not passive or weak. An effective whisperer must be gentle but firm, quick and proactive.

Whispering is not fixing

Whispering is kind and loving but not enabling. An effective whisperer requires loved ones to face the consequences of his or her actions and does not try to fix problems for them.

Whispering is not silent

Whispering may not be loud, but it is not silent. An effective whisperer communicates gently but clearly making sure to be understood.

Whispering is not manipulation

Whispering is not to be used to control or exploit others. An effective whisperer is motivated by love and compassion.

Whispering is not the art of gently winning every argument

Whispering is not concerned with always winning. Whispering is not condemning or judgmental. Whispering inspires understanding and compromise.

Hinckley received his master’s degree in counseling from Brigham Young University. He is a licensed professional counselor and a regular presenter at Campus Education Week at BYU-Idaho and BYU.

Sandra Nazar lives, writes and blogs in Oklahoma with her husband and five children. She blogs at www.sincerelysandra.net.

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