On Second Thought

Published: Monday, March 31 2014 12:00 a.m. MDT

Marine One helicopter, with President Barack Obama aboard, during landing approach at the Wall Street heliport, Tuesday, March 11, 2014 in New York.

Pablo Martinez Monsivais, Associated Press

Enlarge photo»

Perhaps the Secret Service should stop recruiting new agents from college frat houses.

One of the Secret Service agents assigned to President Obama’s recent trip to Amsterdam ended up passed out in a drunken stupor in a hotel hallway. The agent said he had no memory of what happened nor, one presumes, of whether the Secret Service still retains its secrets.

Last week was the 25th anniversary of the University of Utah’s announcement that its scientists had discovered cold fusion. I’d make a comment here, but it’s all pretty much just heavy water under the bridge by now.

According to news reports, Russian President Vladimir Putin doesn’t own a cell phone. In other words, the NSA can’t force Siri to give him wrong directions to Crimea.

Putin shuns modern technologies. We know what German Chancellor Angela Merkel ordered for lunch yesterday, but if we want to know whom Russia will invade next we’ll have to shoot down the right carrier pigeon.

How bad is U.S. intelligence on Russia? The White House is thinking about asking Sarah Palin what she sees from her back yard.

Time Magazine says Putin does occasionally uses an old-fashioned brick-like cell phone. If you’ve ever wondered what happens to the old phones you turn in, wonder no more.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un would give up his smartphone, but then he couldn’t watch March Madness any more.

President Obama has decided to let people skip the March 31 deadline to sign up for Obamacare if they will pinky-swear they tried to sign up before the deadline. It seems only right to extend this new policy to the IRS on April 16, as well, right?

Fox News says 6 in 10 uninsured Americans don’t even know there is a deadline to sign up for Obamacare. Whether they’re willing to lie about that to get an extension is unknown.

Ever wonder whether the president’s daughters use his tendency to move the goalposts on Obamacare against him when he tries to discipline?

Speaking of goalposts, the NFL decided last week to further limit end zone celebrations by passing a rule against “dunking” the ball over an upright. If that doesn’t stop all the fun, their next step will be to end celebrations by outlawing touchdowns.

Jay Evensen is the senior editorial columnist at the Deseret News. Email him at even@desnews.com. For more content, visit his web site, jayevensen.com.

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