The rough road of single motherhood — and one mom who defied the odds
It’s easy to assume that single motherhood leads to poverty, which leads to unhappiness for all parties, but that isn’t necessarily true, said Edin. Middle-class women have college and careers to look forward to, and it’s financially advantageous for them to put off having children. It’s not the same for poor women, whose circumstances have “diminished their life chances so much that an early birth does little to reduce them further.”
A few years ago, Dever moved her family to Arizona, where the weather was warmer and she could afford to rent a nicer home with a yard for her boys. At her son’s school, she met a divorced dad, a police officer. He gave her a tip on a cheaper condo in his neighborhood and helped her move in. He steam cleaned her carpets and her car and cut down a lemon tree in her yard. He was working, getting a master’s degree and was a good dad who took his family to church. When he asked her to marry him, it was finally a no-brainer, she said. “I was like, of course!”
Now Dever is 37 years old and trying to get pregnant as a married woman for the first time. The irony is that now that she’s finally met the right man, she’s having trouble getting pregnant, and is pursuing IVF and fertility options. She said that it will break her heart if she doesn’t get pregnant, but the thought of having a child with her husband “puts the goofiest smile on my face. Having a child with a person that you truly love and care about who thinks about you, I can’t describe it.”
Dever feels like she finally “won the husband lottery.” If she had met him when she was younger, things would have been different, she said. “Not better, just different.”
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