A few weeks ago, we gave advice to a young man who feels like women who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint who are in his dating circle have unrealistic expectations.
In his question, he wrote: “I’m about ready to throw in the towel! LDS women are told constantly that they are princesses, and to an extent that’s true, but it’s going to all of your heads and you’re expecting these men and these dates and these engagements that are only found in fairy tales!"
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His submission received more than 100 comments, and here is a follow-up interview to see what he thought of our advice and yours:
Angela: So, when it comes to your dating issue, most people who commented on your submission seem to think you’re the problem. What did you think about that response?
YSA man: I think it’s tough to communicate an issue as complex as this one in a simple paragraph. So, I wasn’t that bothered that people didn’t really "get" what I was putting out there.
Angela: What don’t you think your question communicated?
YSA man: That I have dated a lot of different women. We all have imperfections, right? But, when it comes to dating, I’m not the issue here. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. It’s not like I haven’t considered dating different types of girls. I’m saying there is a mentality in the minds of the majority of Latter-day Saint women that they must have a man who is 1. tall; 2. super spiritual; 3. from Utah or willing to eventually relocate to Utah.
Angela: Everyone has an ideal. Don’t you? You ask certain women out first because they are closer to your ideal. Do you think you’re ”guilty” of a similar type of “I’m only looking for a specific thing” mentality?
YSA man: I think what I’m looking for is actually realistic, plus, I’m open to the idea of finding someone who doesn’t ultimately fit the ideal. Most LDS women — and perhaps I should specify LDS women from Utah — are not.
Angela: I can see a lot of readers feeling like these remarks are offensive — do you think you’re being offensive?56 comments on this story
YSA man: Maybe. Probably, yes. I’m trying to be as honest and clear as possible, though. If I am being offensive, it’s more a reflection of my frustration with the dating process and less of a frustration with the opposite sex. I’m just saying that the expectations are totally unrealistic, and that’s a problem. I’m a good dude, these are good women — and in their own way, I’m sure they are as frustrated as I am. Can we do something about it?
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Angela Trusty is a millennial advice columnist who writes about religion and relationships. Twitter: askange_column