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Ask Angela: YSA man wonders if LDS women expect too much

Published: Tuesday, Jan. 14 2014 5:00 a.m. MST

Dear Angela,

I have always wanted to marry a Latter-day Saint woman. But after being in the dating game for eight-plus years and well over 1,000 dates, I’m about ready to throw in the towel! LDS women are told constantly that they are princesses, and to an extent that’s true, but it’s going to all of your heads and you’re expecting these men and these dates and these engagements that are only found in fairy tales! I’m not Prince Charming. I’m a real man, and I’d like to find a Latter-day Saint woman who understands that and isn’t expecting me to be this perfect and unrealistic guy. How can I get these LDS ladies to stop going after something that doesn’t exist?

Sincerely,

YSA Man

Dear YSA Man,

Most everyone (a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or not) can relate to dating frustrations of some kind. It’s a jungle out there.

But assigning your lack of success in dating to someone else’s “I’m a princess” thought process is debilitating and counterproductive. Meaning: if a group of women are looking for the type of men that don’t exist in reality, that is their problem, not yours. You don’t need to fix them. It only becomes your problem if you continue to ask them out.

Does that make sense?

With regards to your dating struggles, I think you should begin with seriously evaluating who you have been dating for the past eight years. You say LDS women, but there are a lot of different women at church. What’s drawing you to the same ones with whom you’re incompatible?

Once you’ve honestly and objectively looked at that, then start defining what you’re actually looking for, and pray for help to be able to see and recognize those qualities in people. We (men and women) can get so caught up in things like professions, callings, race, height, etc., that we discount people who might have turned out to be really good for us.

Lastly, you might also consider taking a break from dating altogether. You sound frustrated, and it’s difficult to begin meaningful relationships when frustration is overriding faith. There is no harm in getting to know people without the pressure of “Is this girl the one?!” looming over your head.

I hope some of these thoughts helped. Let us know how the next few months go!

Love,

Angela

Readers: How have you overcome dating stresses? Ladies, are you looking for "Prince Charming"? Do you think your expectations are unrealistic? What advice would you give YSA man?

To read more from our conversation with YSA Man like the Ask Angela facebook page at www.facebook.com/askangelaslc. The Ask Angela blog is at www.askangelaslc.wordpress.com

Angela Trusty is a millennial writer who lives and writes about the young single adult Latter-day Saint experience. Twitter: askange_column

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