Moms do some pretty crazy things, from texting in the bathroom to wolfing down half-eaten crackers. What may seem like abnormal behavior to most of the world is just another day in the life of a mommy.
In case there was ever any confusion, you might be a mom if
1. You retreat to the bathroom for "me" time.
Sometimes this might be a literal retreat, under a firestorm of Nerf darts. Bring your phone and a good book, because this is the only room in the house where you can justify using the locks.
2. Dressing up means changing into clean yoga pants.
When you spend all morning getting a horde of kids clean, dressed and fed, fashion takes a back seat to function.
Speaking of the backseat...
3. Your car sports a permanent layer of unidentified grime.
Was that once a lollipop? Or a popsicle from last summer? Oh well, it's too covered in Cherrios dust for identification. Who cares anyway, you can barely see it under the sea of sports equipment.
4. The last book you read featured a hippo as the main character.
In fact, you read the book ten times. Consecutively. In the same night. If someone were to ask, you could quote the entire thing back verbatim.
5. You turn on the car stereo and get the Wiggles Greatest Hits blasted in your face.
What's currently playing on the Top 10? How should you know! You do, however, know all the verses to Wheels on the Bus by heart and can sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Start in your sleep. In fact, you did it last night.
6. You haven't slept through the night since wait, what were we talking about?
You make dazed and confused look good mommy! Rock those bag under your eyes. After all, they have to leave home eventually, and then you'll finally get some rest.
7. You've yelled, "Quit yelling at your brother!" at least once today.
Do as I say, not as I do. Okay?
8. You have no idea what got in your hair.
Wishing for clean hair to match the clean yoga pants today? Good luck! You've been spit-up on, glitter-fied completing a forgotten school project and had little hands helping you make pancake batter — and it's not even 8:30 yet. Call the hairdo a bold fashion choice and move on.
9. You don't flinch at bodily fluids.
So what if high school biology made you squeamish? You're totally cool with poop these days. As a matter of fact, you've been peed on, popped on, spit-up on or puked on more times than you can count — and you still keep the kids around.
10. You get what it means to love with your entire heart.
Someone once said, "A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for."
Children enrich our lives, bless our homes,and expand our hearts. In spite of (or maybe because of) all the crazy things they make us do, our children make us happy in the most unexpected ways.
When the days seem chaotic and the nights impossibly short, remember that you are doing an important work.
Editor's note: This article originally appeared on Family Share. It has been reprinted here with permission.
Heather Hale is a fourth-generation Montanan, mom to two crazy boys, and wife to one amazing husband. You can learn more about her eco-conscious lifestyle at moderatelycrunchy.com.
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