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Ask Angela: I'm 24 and I think I'm headed to a divorce

Published: Monday, Dec. 9 2013 5:00 a.m. MST

A 24-year-old woman is frustrated because her husband is not interested in getting a job, finishing school or helping around the house. Things he promised he'd do when they were married. She loves him but fears her short marriage is already headed towards divorce.

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Dear Angela,

I never thought I’d be a 24-year-old divorcee, but it looks like things are headed in that direction. I love my husband, I honestly do, but he is not holding up his end of the marriage bargain.

Before we got married (two years ago) he would talk about our future and how he couldn’t wait to finish school so he could get a job and we could start a family and all that good (albeit hard) stuff.

Now, however, he’s acting like he doesn’t want any of those things! His days consist of waking up, getting on the computer, playing some online shooting games, fighting passive aggressively with me about who is going to do the dishes and then going to bed. Because of my frustration, I’ve now taken on the role of this nagging wife and I hate myself for it. “John, are you going to apply for a job today?” “Hey, why don’t you put away the computer so we can talk about our holiday plans?” “John, we really can’t afford that right now.” It’s terrible and exhausting. All I can say is thank goodness we don’t have any children.

Is my marriage savable? Or should I be talking to my bishop and a lawyer about divorce?

Thanks,

The Nagging Newlywed

Dear Nagging Newlywed,

I get so many questions like this one; men love their online games, and it’s driving the women in their lives crazy!

Talk to your bishop, to a marriage counselor and to each other. Hold off on the lawyer. You two may just need to re-establish expectations with each other, and your bishop and a marriage counselor can be there to help facilitate conversation and offer religious and professional advice.

I know some people your age who are embarrassed to ask for help; they’ll think things like “We just got married, what’s wrong with us that we can’t make it work? It’s only been two years, after all. All my friends seem happy in their marriages, why not me?” etc., etc. I’m not sure if you’re in that boat, but if you are, push those fears aside. Everyone says the first few years of marriage can be a tough adjustment period — even when you’re in love, and it’s really wise to get help at the beginning while you still know you love each other and you’re open to advice.

It will take work, like you mentioned in your submission, but these are some thoughts to get you started.

We wish you the best!

Love,

Angela

Readers: How were your early years of marriage? What was difficult for you? What challenges have you grown to appreciate?

Share your advice and join the conversation on the Ask Angela Facebook page.

Read more Ask Angela on our blog at www.askangelaslc.wordpress.com

Angela Trusty is a millennial writer who lives and writes about the Latter-day Saint experience. Twitter: askange_column

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