11 things you should know about the older Mormon YSA crowd

By Katie Bastian

For From Little Things Come Big Things

Published: Sunday, Nov. 17 2013 12:18 a.m. MST

After some time and some healing, I realized that was a completely selfish attitude. I was making others' relationship success about ME.

When others succeed in their relationships, that doesn't mean we have failed more. Most of us understand that. If we really love our friends, we will love it when happy things happen in their lives, too.

4. We love support, but not pity parties.

"So are you dating anyone?" "Not at the moment, no." "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry ..."

Really? Because I'm not. You wanna know why?

5. Because our self-worth is not based on having significant others.

We are daughters (children) of our Heavenly Father, who loves us and we love him.

But really. If a guy isn't interested in us, it's OK. God is. And in my eyes, knowing that and reflecting that knowledge in our daily living is what makes a person truly attractive.

6. The fact that we are not currently in committed, exclusive relationships does not automatically mean that we couldn't possibly have anyone TO date.

What I'm really trying to say is, just because you happen to know another single male somewhere in the world doesn't automatically make him a perfect match for me OR my only living possibility for marriage. If you know a girl well, and you know a guy well, and you genuinely think they could potentially be a good match, great! Set them up. But don't go setting up the whole world on blind dates just because you think we all need help finding other single people.

We are not desperate.

7. Most of us actually are trying.

Some of the conversations I have with people (even my family) lead me to believe that we just don't even try when it comes to this whole relationship thing. We just sit around being bitter, or we don't want to commit so we just float from one person to the next, or we're just lazy. While that may be true for some, it's not for all. And let me be clear here: This point is really not to defend myself; it's to defend all the incredible guys I have met and dated in the past several years.

Everywhere I go, there are lots of really great guys who date frequently. They know how to call a girl, ask her on a date and plan out a lovely evening. This is me defending older YSA men: They are trying hard! And yes, so are the girls. We may be a little pickier as time goes by, yes, but only because we don't want to make the same mistakes twice. We are all trying.

8. We know that it will all work out. "Don't worry. I PROMISE your prince will come!"

"Don't lose hope. It will happen when you least expect it!"

"Just try not to get discouraged that you're not married yet. God has a plan for everyone!"

The annoying thing about these comments is that when we smile and say, "I know," the pitiful looks we receive in response make us feel like you think we are just saying that to shut you up. But really. WE KNOW. It's OK.

At our age, chances are we've all been in at least one or two serious relationships and come fairly close to getting married, but, obviously, it didn't work out. It is hard to make it through an experience like that without learning this — that things work out how they should. Eventually, we see why, we are so grateful that things didn't work out how we wanted them to back then. These experiences strengthen our faith in God and his timing. We trust and believe that if we are living the best we know how, everything will all work out wonderfully.

Living faithfully is so much better than living in fear, bitterness and discouragement.

9: We'd rather be happily single than miserably married.

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