Death by blender — I don’t believe I’ve ever seen that on the big screen before. But thanks to the new film “You’re Next,” I can scratch that off my “Wow, I’d sure like to see that in a movie” list.
See, something positive came from the 96 minutes of my life that were squandered as I viewed a gaggle of unfamiliar actors romp through an old home out in the woods where a family is gathering to celebrate dear old Mom and Dad’s 35th wedding anniversary. All the adult kiddies show up with their various partners in tow. Ah, it’s almost a Norman Rockwell moment. To say some family issues are bubbling under the surface, however, is a gross understatement. But thankfully, no time is extracted from the bloodbath that follows to burden the audience with any backstory at all.
More time for gore.
Usually in a film of this caliber, there are significant sexual scenes liberally sprinkled about. “You’re Next” does give it the old college try, but the few sputtering, tacky attempts are pre-empted so more creative killing can be accomplished. I mean, there are only 96 minutes and you’ve got to have your priorities straight.
In fairness, the plot — what little there is of it — becomes so ludicrous, you can’t help but laugh. The arrow sticking out of “dear brother’s” back through quite a few scenes almost becomes a character in and of itself, extracting benign chuckles and prompting a good time to be had by all.
One actor, amidst all the mediocrity, actually stands out — Sharni Vinson as the Aussie girlfriend of one of the family’s brothers. She shows flair, spunk and, yes, even talent. And for this movie, starring as an Outback survivalist’s daughter, she can turn anything into a weapon — including the blender — to thwart the evildoers.
Here’s the question: “Who are the evildoers and what is their motivation?” After all, it’s not just this house that is under attack. Get this: The killers, donning creepy white masks of a wolf, a lamb and a tiger, have dispatched two folks in the house down the road a piece. What’s up with that? Who cares? Let the imaginative killing continue!
Normally, I would give a film of this ilk zero stars, but, there was something in Sharni Vinson’s performance that causes me to be very generous and bestow 1 whole star on “You’re Next,” which is rated R.