I’ve gone on a few dates with this guy who is pretty new to the area, and every time we get to the end of the evening somehow I end up paying. The first night he invited me to accompany him somewhere he “forgot his wallet.” The second night he took me out, he sent me to grab the tickets while he parked the car. The third time he forgot his wallet again. And the last time we went out to dinner (at a place he chose) we just awkwardly stayed at the table until I couldn’t take it anymore and paid the bill so we could leave.
He’s a cool guy, but I’m not going to go out with him anymore because this whole funky payment stuff is annoying. Am I being shallow or too picky in this case?
Cheryl, 25, New Jersey
“Oh no!” moments, such as forgetting your wallet, getting lost or even being inappropriately late, can happen to even the most polite and wonderful people on dates, but when it’s the same issue every time, it’s OK that you've got a problem with it.
Maybe he can’t afford the places you’re going. (But why take you to them in the first place?) Maybe he doesn’t think the outing warrants spending his own hard-earned money. Or maybe he’s a new-age type of guy who thinks, “Hey it's 2013! Time for you ladies to pay for all the dates!” Whatever his reason — good or bad — he’s communicating it, or really not communicating it, in a shady and borderline dishonest way.
Why not take you someplace free? It's the summertime and there are plenty of no-cost/low-cost dating options all around. It makes no sense.
So, no, you're not being too picky. Most, if not all, women would be annoyed with this.
Readers: When should the guy pay? Is it reasonable for women to expect their date to foot the bill? Is it reasonable for men to expect that sometimes, also?
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Angela Trusty answers questions about a variety of topics, including the Mormon young single adult experience. She is published weekly in the Deseret News and Washington Times communities. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Twitter: angelatrusty
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