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Ask Angela: Do women just want to be friends?

Published: Saturday, May 18 2013 5:00 a.m. MDT

A guys asks if he isn't interested in dating a particular, could they just go on "friend dates"?

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Dear Angela,

If I’m not interested in a romantic relationship, then do girls still want to be friends? If so, does that mean we can occasionally go on “friend dates” or does it mean let’s chat briefly whenever we run into each other? And how do I tactfully ask women on a friend date if we’ve never determined that we should just be friends?

Sincerely,

Interested-but-not

Dear Interest-but-not,

Theoretically, yes. Women do want to be friends and “friend dates” sound like a great idea. You get to know someone new, be social, and hopefully have a good time, minus the awkwardness that can sometimes all but ruin a first realdate. Who doesn’t want that?

But, you should know, I brought this idea up to a group of girls at a dinner party and seven out of 10 made “ain’t-nobody-got-time-for-that” faces in response to the question and the remaining three kept eating their dinner — suffice to say no one seemed that excited about it.

I wondered, “Why turn down a nice time with a good guy?” And I think it’s just because people are usually dating to find love — friendship is a good second option, but it’s not the intended outcome. So, with busy lives and a desire to find a companion, why waste time “friend dating” someone who isn’t interested?

Another question you may want to ask yourself is this: Are you really not romantically interested in these women? Or do you just not know them well enough to have any idea? If you feel like you don’t know them well enough to decide, then in that way, most dating can be considered friend dating.

Sometimes we see people who are hesitant to date because there is a misconception that a first date is actually a pre-marriage proposal (exaggeration, yes) and they don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea — and that’s legit. So, maybe we all just agree right here and now that going on a date means that you’re going on a date — not getting married, not boyfriend/girlfriend in five seconds, just going on a date to see if you’d like there to be more.

That way you can have your friends and date them, too.

Love,

Angela

Readers: When you’re asked out on a date, do you start hearing wedding bells? Tell the truth!

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Advice columnist Angela Trusty answers questions about a variety of topics, including the Mormon young single adult experience. She is published weekly in the Deseret News and Washington Times. Email: askangela.dn@gmail.com Twitter: angelatrusty

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