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Ask Angela: My LDS singles ward is like a reality show episode and I can't handle it

Published: Saturday, March 2 2013 5:00 a.m. MST

Angela Trusty answers a question from a reader who feels her ward is more like a reality show than church.

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Dear Angela,

From one single gal to another, how in the world are we supposed to find love in these (LDS) singles wards? For every one guy there might as well be 15 girls, and I’ve inadvertently found myself in the middle of my own personal and miserable "The Bachelor"-like situation — and I’m not so sure I’m going to get a rose. I bake cookies for these men, I invite them over for dinner, I scope out the new ones in our new member meetings every Sunday — no one seems to be interested! I need help! How can I make the singles ward program work for me?

Love,

WitsEnd

Dear WitsEnd,

I feel your pain, but you have to relax. Like, ASAP.

I would also panic if I found myself ina situation similar to "The Bachelor." But you aren’t. Even if mathematically it looks that way, there is no Chris Harrison, no hot air balloon rides, and girls like Tierra — well, maybe some Tierras — but still, not "The Bachelor."

On that show, the women are competing for the affection of this one guy, but at church, don’t let yourself get tricked into thinking you’re competing with the other women. You’re there worshipping the Savior and fellowshipping with other young singles who are doing the same thing — you may also, hopefully, find an eternal companion while you’re at it.

From your question, it sounds like you are already being proactive about meeting people, so for right now you need to put down the cookie batter and chill out. Seriously, you’re going to drive yourself crazy and before you know it, church will feel like the worst place in the world because it will be the place that makes you feel frustrated, exhausted and miserable — which is the exact opposite effect that it’s supposed to have.

What does chilling out look like? Stop trying to marry people. If you’re saying hello to someone with this marriage fever burning in your eyes, guys/everyone can see that, and it hides who you really are and what you’re truly about. So take a break — attend church, serve your Relief Society sisters, meet the young men there and enjoy and allow the positive experiences that will naturally come.

I know my viewpoint differs from many on this but if I mentally allowed my singles ward to become a marriage factory, I’d stop going — and that would be really sad. So keep Jesus Christ at the center of Sunday, chill out, and leave "The Bachelor" to Hollywood.

Love,

Angela

Single readers: How do you stop marriage stress from overwhelming your Sabbath day worship?

Write to Angela Trusty at askangela.dn@gmail.com and join the conversation by liking us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/askangelaslc. Twitter: @askange_column @angelatrusty

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