It's a funny thing ... Mormon Times readers tell humorous stories

Published: Tuesday, April 24 2012 5:00 a.m. MDT

When my husband was branch president, he always worried that speakers wouldn’t show up for sacrament meeting since they had to travel long distances to be there. One Sunday morning, we had finished the sacrament and the speakers, the Wright family, still had not arrived. My husband stood and said we would fill the time by singing hymn No. 106 — “God Speed the Wrights.” (They did eventually arrive.)

— Carol Stephens, Beatty, Nev.

A few years ago a young man in our ward received his mission call to Venezuela. After spending a few months in the MTC, he was sent to work in a California Spanish-speaking mission until his could get his visa. This news was reported in the ward and one of the youths was quoted as saying, “Well, if he can’t get a Visa, why doesn’t he just get a Master Card?”

— Gary Jones

Our 3-year-old granddaughter, Samantha, attended sacrament meeting with us a number of years ago. I was especially enjoying the talks when I leaned my head back and closed my eyes to better concentrate on the message and the feelings I felt. Not 30 seconds later, I heard this piercing voice yell at me for all to hear: “Wake up, Grandpa! Wake up!” Needless to say, I didn’t close my eyes for the rest of the meeting.

— Carl Olsen, Puyallup, Wash.

A long, long time ago, I was in the seventh grade at Lincoln Junior High School in Orem, Utah. When I finished my brief oral report on the textile industry in Utah in front of my Utah History class, I closed the report by saying, “in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” After I sat down, I realized what I had said. I felt the heat of embarrassment. I wondered why no one was making fun of me. Then I realized that no one would make fun of me because they had all said, “amen.”

— Koray Wilkes, Wichita, Kan.

Many of the homes in the South keep their drapes drawn in the summer and use floor fans to keep the homes as cool as possible. While serving in the Mississippi Jackson Mission as a senior couple in Shreveport, La., we were delivering a Bible (to an elderly, single woman in a wheelchair) who had requested the Bible through the church media referral program. After knocking on the door and hearing an invitation to “come in,” we entered the darkened room and immediately tripped on the extension cord of a floor fan that in turn caused a dimly lit floor lamp to go crashing to the floor. The light bulb exploded in a blinding flash, tripping the power circuit breaker and triggering an outside audible alarm and also triggering a police security alarm. In two seconds, a rather large male neighbor came rushing through the back door followed by two policeman. With flashlights shining in our faces, we were interrogated as robbery suspects. After explaining who we were and producing and delivering the new Bible as evidence, we were only too happy to leave. As we left through the front door, there were about 50 neighbors who had gathered in the front yard to see what had caused all of the excitement. My wife suggested that we give each of them a “pass along,” card but I thought it better to beat a hasty retreat and drive to our next appointment.

— Larry Humpherys, Harrisville, Utah

Last night I was telling a bedtime story to the kids, and although they didn’t know it, the protagonist was going to be making mud pies. I told them that the boy took a hose to the corner of the yard where there was no grass, just dirt, and turned it on. I asked, “Do you know what you get when you put water on dirt?” All three answered nearly simultaneously. The older two said, “Mud!” Just a split second later, the youngest ventured a guess: “A flower?” She melts my heart.

— David Hixon, Frisco, Texas

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