What worked for your mom, Granny and Aunt Bertie may simply not work for you. I love hearing the wisdom and experiences from the older women in my life, but I have to sift through their advice and experiences and choices to find what really helps me and what doesn't. Not only are children all different, but mothers are different. We tick and tock to different beats — some of us slower and some on hyperspeed, some on schedules and some just wingin' it. (I'm the latter group.) As you get to know your children and build your home life, you will find what works for you. You will. And letting go of the expectations of others is a big part of that. Pull what works for you. Respectfully let go of the rest.
This applies to friendships as well. Do you know who my best friends are? The ones that I lean on and trust and cry to and share with? They are my friends who insist, along with me, that there is no one way to do something. I have a very difficult time developing and maintaining friendships with people who have found the one and only way to do something.
"You gave him peanut butter at 10 months?"
"You don't have a laundry day?"
"Three-year-olds should never still be in diapers."
No, we cannot be friends. Not close friends. Not cry-on-your-shoulder friends.
As you find your way, quick-steppin' to a groove with those babies dancin' along with you, I've got some really, really, really good news ...
3. It gets easier. If you let God get bigger.
I now have five children, and I'm maxed totally maxed out just like I was when I had on and two and three and four.
But, mothering is easier for me now than it used to be. For one reason: I need God more.
I need him in the morning, at noon and at night. I need him to wipe my tears when my baby won't let me sleep at night. I need him to calm my heart when I'm changing bed sheets at 2 a.m. I need him to keep my children safe because I only have two hands and one set of eyes, and crossing a parking lot means holding on tight, but it also means letting go of "I can do this" and trading it for "God, you are with me, and you love them, too."
I need him to help me trade my doing for his doing.
I need his patience.
I need his joy.
I need his love.
You know, I needed God when I had one and two children. But I had all of this stuff — books and gear and grannies and know-it-all voices and I had me.
So I flailed about amidst all of that and tried to raise my children in the Land of I Can Do This.
But, God has whittled away all of that other stuff. He's taught me that he loves my children more than I do, and he loves to hear my voice calling out to him and letting him fill me with strength and wisdom and love and joy for my children.
So, mamas of one or two littles afoot, when you ask me, "How do you do it?" I know what you're asking. And I know what you're feeling and what's behind your eyes, and I walked in your shoes, and you are doing the hard, hard stuff of motherhood.
It is not easier because you "only" have one child or two children.
But as you find your way, and the more you let God be your strength and realize that you cannot in the many ways you think you can, it gets easier.
And it gets so, so good.
Editor's note: This post by Sarah Short originally appeared on her blog, Short Stop. It has been shared here with the author's permission. Sarah Short began writing her blog, Short Stop, in May 2007 because she wanted to share snippets of her life with her family, but her burning passion to create has helped it grow into a place where she celebrates her family, food, photography and all the joys of life. Contact Short at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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