Doug's Take: Super gory 'Evil Dead' isn't worth your time

Published: Friday, April 5 2013 12:00 a.m. MDT

"EVIL DEAD" — ★— Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Jessica Lucas, Elizabeth Blackmore, Lou Taylor Pucci; R (strong bloody violence and gore, some sexual content and language); in general release

Every now and then someone will chide me about my cushy gig reviewing movies; for them I have just two words … "EVIL DEAD"!

Sometimes you just can't soak the screen with enough blood, guts and gore, so what to do? You saturate the already shockingly ludicrous images with blood raining from the sky! I'm serious.

So, what's a nice guy like me doing in a movie like that? "Evil Dead" was the only screening I could attend this week to fulfill my dubious duties, so here it goes.

Poor Mia, played by Jane Levy, is hooked on drugs, and well-meaning friends, including her brother, David, agree to an intervention at the old family cabin.

What could possibly go wrong?

Upon their arrival, the deterioration of the cabin is shocking and immediately a stench draws them all to the cellar where we're treated to a bunch of rotting cats hanging from the floorboards. Delightful.

The kids are surprised, but we're not. The first moments of this film show a horrific scene where a young woman is being relieved of her demonic possession, surrounded by the decorative dangling cats, just before her father sets her on fire and blows her head off with a shotgun. This is just getting better by the minute.

At this point, I was a little curious how all of this ties in to the addiction intervention and the constant mentions of Mia and David's mother, who died recently in a mental institution, and why David split and left little sister to deal with mom's demise?

I came to the conclusion that any explanation would have to lead to a little character development and that would require actually writing some cohesive dialogue and that would detract from the valuable time required for more projectile vomiting of blood and creative dismemberment, including an arm removal with a Sunbeam electric meat slicing knife. Yes, with a precious 91 minutes you have to be judicious, especially when you haven't even used the nail gun yet.

Suffice it to say that the dummies decide to stay; they find an evil-looking book that depicts different spells and incantations and the brainy member of the group decides to delve into the book, unleashing unspeakable horror. There, you've got the whole deal. If you buy a ticket now … well, my conscience will be clear. Ah, the sacrifices I make for my craft!

"Evil Dead" is rated R for strong bloody violence and gore, some sexual content and language; running time: 92 minutes.

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