Funny with a chance of chuckles — Mormon Times readers share humorous stories

Published: Wednesday, Jan. 9 2013 5:00 a.m. MST

A 3-year-old boy tells his mom he wants a superhero — Batman — in his family tree. One almost 8-year-old shares a scripture from King Benjamin's address that helps her take a stand on fasting. If orange isn't a Primary color, then is it a different church organization's color? What was in that sacrament bread — jalapeños?

And which Christmas carol includes tithing and a hymn that says "my knees are gray"?

Mormon Times readers — particularly their children and fellow ward members — continue to make us laugh. Several years ago, we asked our readers to share humorous accounts with us, and they delivered some good, clean fun. Here are links to the past stories: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

And the stories just keep coming in.

So here is the fourth installment of humorous stories from Mormon Times readers. If you have your own story to contribute, you can share it on our Facebook page, email it to mormontimes@desnews.com or just post it in the comments below.

Enjoy!


To stop my 3-year-old son and his 6-year-old sister from fighting, I was explaining to them that before coming to earth they liked each other so much, they begged Heavenly Father to send them to the same family. My son thought for a moment and then replied, "Actually, Mom, I remember asking to be sent into the Batman's family."

— Susanna Deruvo


When I was serving in Primary, the Primary chorister was teaching the children "The Spirit of God Like a Fire is Burning." She was going through the hymn a line at a time asking the children what each line meant. When she got to "the veil o'er the earth is beginning to burst," the children were totally stumped and no one even had a suggestion. Then one little boy leapt off his chair as he shot up his hand and said, "The ozone layer!"

— Elizabeth Aiton


We lived in Visalia, Calif., when our daughter, Jenny, sang us her version of a Primary song: "My pigeon house I open wide and let the pigeons freeze …"

Our youngest daughter, Saam, got the second verse of a more familiar song a little confused: "I am a child of God, and so my knees are gray …"

She wanted to know if they were gray because of the time we spent in the stake welfare farm, picking grapes.

An 8-year-old boy in our ward was willing to be baptized, but only if he could be the very first one in the font. His reason? He didn't want to be in water that was already filled with an already baptized persons' sins.

Funny? We still remember and think so.

— Sandra Phelps, Salt Lake City


After my husband finished the MBA program at BYU, he received a job offer in Cleveland. While waiting to move into our home in Mentor, Ohio, we stayed in a hotel for a month with our two young sons. It was the first time our boys had been exposed to a television for so long and I guess it made an impression on our youngest son, Jeremy, who was 3 at the time. He would dance around the room and sing, "Book of Mormon stories that my TV tells to me!"

— Jayne Coyne


A few months ago in sacrament meeting, the bishop announced that it was inappropriate to do texting during sacrament meeting. A while later during the same meeting, I noticed one of the bishop's counselors, the one who was conducting, texting during the meeting. When I jokingly asked him afterward why he was texting in view of the bishop's comments, he said that he didn't know who was going to give the closing prayer and had to text the executive secretary (who had made the assignment) to find out who was going to give the closing prayer.

Another humorous happening:

Years ago while I was serving as a young elder, I was fortunate to serve in the mission home during Christmastime. At that time, we had a tradition where on Christmas Eve we would exchange white elephant gifts. These were gifts like shoes with holes in them, ties that were worn out or anything else of no worth. On Christmas Eve, we would wrap our gifts and place them in a pile in the middle of the floor. Each missionary would then select one of the gifts from the pile and after we would vote on the most white elephant gift of all.

One of the elders was very much in love and planning on getting married as soon as he returned home. He kept a picture of his girlfriend next to his bed all the time. On the way to the exchange party, we took his girlfriend's picture without him knowing it and wrapped it up and placed it in the circle. When one of the missionaries unwrapped his girlfriend's picture, we all said that he must have received a Dear John. One elder who was going home soon offered to look her up and keep her company. This gift won the prize for the most white elephant gift.

The elder did not think it was funny at all. They were married soon after he returned home and after 40 years, they were still happily married.

— Jack Airmet, American Fork


Pre-school Frankie sat at the kitchen table drawing a picture. "What are you drawing?" asked his mom. "I'm drawing a picture of God," replied Frankie. She hugged him and sighed, "But, Frankie, no one knows what God looks like."

He grinned and replied, "'When I've finished the picture they will know!"

Having recently been held in God's loving arms, isn't a tender and impressionable little boy one of the most likely humans to still sense his appearance and his infinite love and concern?

— Ralph A. Olsen, Bozeman, Mont.


My brother Jay, then 13, was in Sunday School when the teacher was giving a lesson on Book of Mormon migrations. She said that one group landed in South America and migrated to North America. Jay loved to tease and he asked her, "How did they get across the Panama Canal?"

She replied, "Oh, they knew how to build boats."

— Dale B. Brimley


At Christmastime we listen to, well, carols. One carol in particular makes me laugh as my 4-year-old sings it and tries to make sense of the old English it uses. "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" ends with giving money to our bishopric — giving tithing that is. She sings "Good tithings to you, where ever you are. Good tithings for Christmas and a Happy New Year!"

— NomeDePlume, Augusta, Ga.


We were having home evening and the question was asked: Can anyone tell me what debasement means? Everyone hesitated and then our 4-year-old daughter said, "Yes, it's where we go to do the laundry."

— Tim Reder, Washington, Washington County


Our daughter was two weeks from becoming 8 years old and preparing to be baptized. We were preparing for fast Sunday when my almost 8-year-old said, "I don't have to fast as I'm not 8 years old yet."

I told her we were going to give her a head start. While sitting in sacrament meeting I received a tap on the knee. Looking down I saw her big eyes and noticed her finger tapping on a scripture from the Book of Mormon. She was pointing to a verse from King Benjamin's speech where he said, "And ye shall not suffer your little children to go hungry."

The look she had on her face was priceless.

— Tim Reder, Washington, Washington County


Our Indiana ward was quite spread out. Most members live many miles from the chapel — except for Alice and Alex. One Sunday, the person who was supposed to bring bread for the sacrament failed to do so. "No problem," Alice said, as she overheard the conversation, "I baked bread last night."

Alex was dispatched to get a few slices of the bread. The meeting proceeded as normal — until the bread was being served to the congregation. There were strange looks on most of the faces in the congregation. Unknowingly, Alex had gotten slices of jalapeño bread.

— midwestfan, Spanish Fork


Wilbur Ewing, a kindly grandfather, was one of my counselors in a bishopric in Terre Haute, Ind. Many of our ward lingered in the foyer after services, visiting and fellowshipping.

Five-year-old Jared gave his tithing (in an envelope) to Wilbur. About 10 minutes later, amidst the crowded foyer, Jared stood with a stern look on his face, looking up at Brother Ewing, and said, "Wilbur, have you spent that dime yet?"

— midwestfan, Spanish Fork


We had an elderly couple in our ward who both had difficulty hearing. You could hear everything they said to each other because of this hearing problem. One Sunday sacrament meeting was a little late getting started and soon the whole chapel heard the husband say to his wife: "Let's just get this show on the road!"

— basstacklegirl, Burley, Idaho


My nephew has a photographer for a father and an artist for a mother, so in their family, discussions of color can be expected to be a bit different than in most families. However, for a young boy this can sometimes lead to confusion, especially when combined with songs learned in Primary.

One day when he was about 5, my nephew asked his father if orange, his favorite color at the time, was a Primary color. When he was told it was not, he responded with, "Oh, so is it a Priesthood color then?"

— CaryT, Vicksburg, Miss.


My granddaughter Joan was about 4 years old when her aunt Jane became engaged. Jane's fiance was visiting for the weekend and decided to attend church with our family. As my daughter came in with her two girls (Joan being the youngest) we ended up a little short on seating space.

Joan was lifted up to sit on the lap of her aunt's new fiance. All went well as this little girl looked at books brought to help her be quiet.

Just as the sacrament was being passed, she happened to look up and see who was holding her.

Surprise showed on her face as she looked at this stranger. Then, with a loud voice she exclaimed, "Well, who the (heck) are you!"

You could have heard a pin drop for just a few seconds until a few laughs were smothered. My daughter turned beet-red and now swears she will never "swear" again!

— davs, Kanab

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