If you're a follower of Internet trends, perhaps you've noticed the spate of videos and websites devoted to "First World" problems.
It's about time. Sure, people in Third World countries face difficult challenges, but have you ever stopped to consider the problems that people face in First World countries? The lines at Costco; the waiter who forgot to refill your water glass; having to update your apps.
It's enough to send you to the refrigerator for some overeating.
In one video, which has gone viral (5.4 million hits), young men and women describe the harrowing First World problems they face:
"I'm so cold!" a young woman cries. "Someone set the AC to 72; I need 73!"
Staring at his Facebook page, a sad young man says, "Nobody cares about me. Nobody commented or liked my status."
A tearful teenage girl throws things on the floor after crying, "Everybody keeps putting so much pressure on me. I don't know what I want for my birthday!"
A young man sitting on a couch sadly complains, "The remote is over there; but I'm all the way over here."
Another sad young man sits at the table and laments, "I have too much chips for my dip; but if I open a new dip I'll have too much dip for my chips."
Heartbreaking, isn't it? Yes, we have it tough in the first world, and yet nobody does anything about it. It's as if the rest of the world doesn't care.
But I do. I'm launching a campaign to solicit Third World countries for help with our First World problems. For only pennies a day, the starving children in Africa and the homeless in India and elsewhere can help the struggling peoples of the First World with their problems.
This is a tough place to live, but someone's got to live here. How tough? I got a random sampling from Americans that I made up. Here are some of them:
Why do we always have to watch the Broncos?!
I ran out of bottled water and had to use the tap.
Game Boy or Xbox — which do I want for Christmas?
All I had for lunch today was a bagel with cream cheese.
I turned on the TV and "Air Force One" was on for the third time this week!
This house is too big; we need to downsize.
I had to walk past five homeless people today wanting money — talk about awkward!
It takes forever for my computer to turn on, and this search engine is, like, sooo slow.
There are so many channels — how am I supposed to find anything?
My laptop battery lasts only two hours, and then I have to get out the cord and walk across the room and plug it in the wall.
I broke a nail!
The elevators are so slow I had to use the stairs!
Sheesh, I had to wait in the doctor's office for 15 minutes
I don't even have an iPhone; all I've got is a cell.
I had to walk all the way to the end of my driveway to get the newspaper.
I have so many passwords — how am I supposed to remember them all?
Why do disposable razors last only a week?!
My screen protector has a bubble.
I had to sit in the front row at the theater.
My steady job is so boring.
I looked in the refrigerator and couldn't decide what I felt like eating.
Man, it takes an hour to play the last two minutes of a football game.
Not another TV timeout.
This car is so old it doesn't even have (fill in the blank — heated seats/GPS/movies/rear-view safety camera).
Botox or laser — which is right for me?
No seconds for me; I'm trying to lose weight.
Whattya mean there's only one NFL game on TV?
I need TiVo so I can skip the commercials.
Can't someone do something about the BCS?!Comment on this story
It's hard to eat all those fries before they get cold and hard.
This list only scratches the surface. If you can think of others, send them my way. After all, I've got my own First World problems:
You mean I have to think of column ideas every week?