Officials worked hard last week to head off a problem that could shake the nation to its core. Alas, the efforts were in vain. Twinkies, as we know them, will cease to exist.
The demise of Twinkies and other Hostess products is what is known as a looming fructose cliff.
Congress we expect to be unable to solve problems, given the states that are solid red or blue, but Hostess? After all, there are no Ho Ho states and Ding Dong states. Well, maybe not strictly speaking.
The bad news is the nation has now lost the one food designed to survive a nuclear holocaust. The good news is all the Twinkies you stuffed into your food storage through the years won't be going bad anytime soon.
Utah voters have learned that maybe every single vote isn't so important, but every 768 votes sure are.
Democratic Rep. Jim Matheson held onto his congressional seat by a slim 768 votes out of nearly 250,000 votes cast, according to the final canvass. To Republicans who try every 10 years to gerrymander Utah's lone Democrat out of Congress, this is known as the Get Smart mistake. "Missed it by that much."
Jack Taylor, a basketball player for Grinnell College, scored a record 138 points last week in a win over Faith Baptist Bible College. The fans liked it, but they were drowned out by the sound of other Grinnell players yelling, "Hey, over here! I'm open!"
The final score was 179-104. Good thing the coach left Taylor in to get those extra 74 insurance points.
Taylor's coach called the performance "kind of a life-changing moment." It's instructive to note, however, that the old record of 113 points was set in 1954 by Rio Grande College's Clarence "Bevo" Francis, otherwise known to NBA fans as "Who?"
Lost in all this was the fact that Faith Baptist's David Larsen scored 70 points, which means the eight other guys on the court should have had to pay for tickets like the rest of the spectators.
President Obama pardoned a couple of turkeys at the White House last week, an annual tradition that is supposed to make the rest of us feel better about eating millions of turkeys slaughtered for our dinner tables.
So ... If the president can pardon turkeys, why can't the White House and Congress get along?
Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.
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